Ohhhsweetturkey

new blog

2011-07-13T12:54:00.000-07:00

Hello all, If anyone out there still reads this poor neglected blog then please join me at my new blog for some updated content...

Health to your Hands

split in two...

2010-12-08T11:29:00.000-08:00

Yes, this ancient olive tree is fabulous although split in two and holey.

Feeling split in two and holey myself lately, my two worlds yet to collide, but like the wonderful olive tree surprising new branches have sprung in spite of; some from the roots and some from the branches.

Love the contrast in the fields between the vibrancy of the new growth with the dullness of the olive tree branches.

Has really cooled off here...windy...brrr...this is when I miss central heating!

Good talking to you today my dear family...miss u terribly...

Making new holiday traditions?

2010-12-06T12:06:00.000-08:00

Well, the weather has been absolutely gorgeous here next to the Aegean Sea. How can it possibly be December without a snow flake in sight or an obnoxious/fabulous scene of consumerism? Merry Christmas anyone?

How do you celebrate holidays in a country that doesn't celebrate the ones that are dear to your heart?

This will be my first Christmas away from my family in 31 years but it will be my first with my hubby, second with our baby girl and first together as a little family...

How can I bring Santa to Turkey? How can I get my husband who has never celebrated this before and has no idea the colossal scale of it stateside/ familyside into it?

Where is my father to go chop down the tree?

Well I'm starting out by decorating our cafe...

Since everywhere you look there is green popping up all around. The vibrancy of new green, new growth(filiz) is gorgeous. There are many of the green trimmings around the neighborhood that my mother would get from my auntie working at the greenhouse to decorate with; huge pepper berry trees, vines, different types of pines. So I will start there...I love gathering, scavenging...

There are lots of pines cones to work with too, fabulous ones of different shapes and sizes... and there is my best little helper, who needs rudolph:)

I've been singing her lots of Christmas carols as we gather.

I made some wreathes today with pictures to follow.

P.S. super annoying that again blogger host of private domains is banned in Turkey because they didn't like one then the rest get banned too??? So I can post my blog but can't look at it...uggg...get it together people! Any suggestions on moving my blog? etc?

Thanksgiving; the girl effect.

2010-11-25T03:54:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving translates in Turkish to şükür, praise, thanks, hallelujah...

Çok Şükür...

I am alive.

I have a patient husband who adores me and who has an amazing ability to live in the now while having incredible acuity towards the future.

Our daughter, there are not words. I had her later in life with the husband I chose. She was made from love in a safe and nurturing home.

I come from strong women and have met so many along the road; these are my role models, my counselors, my support groups...

"Good women- may we know them, may we be them, may we raise them"

I have really been pondering this as I was reintroduced to an organization, the girl effect.

Powerful huh?

At 12 I was in 6th grade feeling completely awkward; embarrassed when people told me I looked like DJ Tanner but religiously watching Full House, of course. I would bead on my bed. In the safety of my mother and father's little house. Surrounded by siblings and love.

Just trying to make it into the big junior high...

But what if I was born into something different?

What if I wasn't allowed the time to grow up myself before I had a baby?
Babies having babies...

What if born with a mental or physical handicap in a culture that doesn't know how to treat or nuture it. What if I was thrown on the street and no one had saw the NEED TO HELP?

Although I have been struggling with my life abroad I have the choice.

Help these girls know that they even have a choice...

Word of mouth is a powerful thing. The simplicity in thier message makes it seem like a plausible future...The girl effect blogging campaign...tag you are it...pass it on...

Be grateful and generous...Emily remember

Gratitude

2010-11-10T11:11:00.000-08:00

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.
It turns what we have into enough,and more.
It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.
It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. ~ Melody Beattie

Purple findings...

2010-11-09T12:17:00.000-08:00

Since I was young I have loved findings; gorgeous examples of nature noticed surrounding me.

At our house initially you look out and see three colors- that beautiful blue water reflecting whatever hue the weather is that day, green from the shrubs and bushes struggling to grow from the beige rock beneath it.

Of course if you look closer there is much more to behold. Today I found purple.
Not lilacs and violets from my youth but sea urchin shells, olives, greens with hints of purple stems, shells, broken lighter (plastic seems to find it's way in wherever you are), heather flowers, thistles(it got me...ouch!), and daisies.

Fall here is like a spring again. I have to be honest...I did go swimming yesterday. It was a freak hot day and my hubby talked me into it after he went fishing. Chilly but great.

The winds have found there way back though. They will blow the rain in soon. Following all the rain and a week of hot weather life is popping up everywhere. Seeds dormant during the long, HOT, dry summer.

Inspiration for this shot from resurrection fern, Andy Goldsworthy, mother nature herself:)

Gözleme and Didim on the TV

2010-10-31T12:14:00.000-07:00

Gözleme is usually translated as a Turkish-style pancake but from my world view I would compare it to a stuffed thin tortilla or crepe. The actual "bread" part is called a yufka and of course most delicious fresh made! We were lucky our neighbor was making some last Sunday...yum!

She rolls the dough out with a thin rolling pin until translucent on that little table made just for this. Then adds delicious things like spinach, cheese and herbs. She also made spicy ones with peppers added. Lots of good olive oil!

Spooning sweet tahini (sesame paste mixed with sugar and water) with olive oil...

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The final product cooked on a heated metal dome. Texture and taste are wonderful!

Also just as yesterday I was complaining that after 3 yrs the goverment has not lifted the ban on youtube- guess what today it is open! Finally!

So I happily watched House Hunters International's program on Didim...who knew...

You can watch parts 1,2,3 here (even if you live in Turkey now!)

Also I can find you a house:)!

Also here is Istanbul on the Bachelorette TV show...I'm just saying people I live in a cool place...come visit please...also the cistern is magical...

morning yearning...

2010-10-29T12:33:00.000-07:00

Waking up with the sun and my two favorite people...sassiness and silliness...

Listen to Ben Harper's Morning Yearning

p.s. seriously why is youtube still banned in this country?

Home sweet Turkey?

2010-10-24T08:04:00.000-07:00

Home sweet home!

Home sweet where?

Whenever I go back to the States I have several conversation of this nature...

"You live where?"

"Turkey?"

"Wow, that is far..."

"Wow, how is that?"

(Note:this response varies with different voice fluctuations insinuating

A: positive one like 'oh cool you live in another country'

B: a negative like 'where the heck is that and why would you ever flipping go there?'

C: a scared one like 'aren't they different over there')

Also my response lately is simply, "good just far...with a little sigh at the end...that I try to hide."

Every time I go back to the States it still does feel like home to go back to my childhood house. I feel on one hand fortunate to have had such stability through my life and another like hey maybe there is something wrong with this and maybe that is why I just can't feel happy in this country of Turkey lately? HOME SWEET TURKEY???

But I felt like I had a home outside of my childhood one when I lived in San Diego. I loved our little dove street nest although knowing it wasn't forever we nurtured it; we cooked for each other and people would come in and out eating my food, drinking wine and laughing, lots of laughing and fabulous conversations that friends have with one and other(I miss you people:).

But by the time I had left that house I was ready to;over so.cal. Ready to go forth with all the love and growing I had done during those fabulously fun twenties in southern California to go "see the world".

That will be 4 yrs ago in February...wow!

I came to Eskisehir and have been bouncing from house to city to house to country to house to city to country to house to state to house to house to city to country to language to culture to customs to house to home? where is the HOME though? etc etc ever since (yeah makes you a little dizzy huh? me too!)

We might be moving again or maybe not and this news makes me tired and sad. Just continues this unsettled feeling.

Always in the back of my head though that when I settle down it will be in MN.

I believe most of this urgency stems from having a child and loosing my father, two biggest events in my life within 9 days of each other.

Lately have been blinded by my longing to be in MN...

must sleep now...

"Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience" -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Patient and persistent like the my father's National Geographics

Fall

2010-10-12T12:10:00.001-07:00

pomegranates coming into season...

To my daughter...

2010-09-05T22:58:00.000-07:00

To my dear daughter, our daughter, their grand-baby, their niece, their cousin, with so many more things you already are and will become...

You turned 1 yesterday, I can't believe how quickly this year flew by. Although some individual days seemed so long...although some days I just wished you would fall asleep. Please just sleep for a long time so I could sleep or take a shower or clean the house or hold your baba's hand and breathe (I know mom..."poor EM"(note the intended sarcasm with four children under her belt).

Now that year has gone by I can't believe they are classifying you as a toddler on babycenter...What? My baby is a toddler now? OMGoodness...

Ohhh monkey how smart you are. You just don't miss a thing. A sponge. You are getting so very sassy. Some of those looks you give...SASSY...your blond eyebrows like mine are so expressive although you can't see them. You look out and down with those big black eyes from your baba, those long gorgeous lashes fanned around your furrowing brow. Stick out that pouty bottom lip. oh.oh.oh...

You can smile so big like Grandpa, a big square smile. Your four teeth always cross just a little bit when your smile extends over that cute face. Scrunching up your nose melts my heart. Pointing that fat little crooked finger towards what you see, or learned or want to do next.

Everyone who new your Ali dede well says you resemble him so...Maşallah...

You have been walking for a while now, still trying to attain confidence in your new skills, still prefer one finger to hold(preferably your mother's), so you can really go anywhere you want...little miss...you know we will come along...my child.
It is either standing or sleeping for you...on the move...

We had a great summer at grandma's house; sucking on sweet clovers that grandpa had planted in the grass unknowingly just for you. Your fat little hanies loved to POP the heads off big smelly yellow marigolds and into your mouth for a little taste(It's ok...Auntie Maudie said they are edible:). Your eagle eyes sifted through the green grass for acorns between watching the squirrels frolic and your mama watching you so you wouldn't eat the acorns like the squirrels do.

Taking a break from the wonderful grass between your toes, you ate fresh tomatoes from grandma's garden and cut teeth on Minnesota sweet corn on the cob over the picnic table in great-grandma and great-grandpa's high chair all tied up with a dish towel. Lots of precious bottoms have occupied that space.

You love dental floss(that slight minty flavor) and toothbrushes(Nanc is so proud).

We went down to Brazil for your Uncle Lukey and Mimi's wedding(thank goodness our visas came the LAST day possible...ekkk...thank goodness your baba is so wonderful and express mailed all our paperwork). You did great on the plane as you are becoming a professional flier at such a young age(or I am I just becoming a more confident distractor?). It was easier with grandma flying beside us. She has so many tricks up her sleeve(The Master Distractor, The Baby Whisperer)...

In Brazil you played on Impanema Beach. Glorious sand. You ate lots of fresh bananas and coconut popsicles. Auntie Meggy and Uncle Justin were the best helpers! We just kept saying "oh they will be the best parents one day" and... little did we know your cousin was in Brazil with us...he or she we will meet in February:)!!!!

Auntie Maria's Family was wonderful to us in Brazil, so hospitable and we all got along so well. They all enjoyed your company so much. The wedding was breathe taking at the foot of Sugarloaf Mountain and we danced the day away together. Later we went to Buzios peninsula. You took some of your first steps there.

Your dear Great-Aunties are feeling better having, please god, won against the f-ing breast cancer. We spent lots of days at Auntie Janie's eating yellow squash and admiring her new hair style-"very chic" :)

Although it was wonderful rooming with Grandma and Auntie Maudie we had to get back to Turkey to see your baba...

Auntie Maudie had to go embrace her youth; hiking and kayaking all over Alaska. She is having a wonderful amazing time there, happily "together" with her man in their element, enjoying nature...to quote her, "Like Minnesota on crack"- I get it...sounds gorgeous...

So for now doll we are back in Turkey with your dear dear baba. You have started dancing and it is as cute as it gets...Your babaanne sings a song or you hear even a good ringtone and you sway and jiggle. You just figured out this little knee bend jig thing...

One year has gone by with you in it and I feel so blessed. One year gone by also means without grandpa. One year gone by and it still really hurts that he is gone but doll you are sunshine in those voids. Although, my doll, every year at your birthday I will think grandpa died just 9 days later, and Dede just 6 weeks after that...I don't ever want you to feel like your life being synonymous with death as a sad thing; just the circle of life, living life to the fullest and as grandma keeps saying..."To count your blessing" and doll girl...

I love you (more than you or I have yet to know)

So this year on your first birthday it seemed only right to celebrate on the blue water where your name comes from...having some of your first cake...on a boat on the Aegean with one great side of your family.

Anything else anyone might want to add?

happy...

2010-06-05T02:00:00.000-07:00

birthday my beautiful little seester, inside and out! I love you!

The light, Our light...

2010-05-04T12:24:00.001-07:00

I love how photography allows you to capture and play with light so beautifully!

Maybe it's clique but she has been our light, our families have been through alot alot alot this past year. Her little presence helps us all remember that life goes on, is beautiful and there is so much to be curious about...

My sister-in-law's sister is relaying racing for cancer if you have a few dollars to spare...

Baby girl dipped her toes in the sea for the first time on her 8 month birthday...

Hanies...

2010-05-03T04:42:00.001-07:00

This post is for my mama, grandma, who has been morel mushroom hunting in the woods all week. Tracking her prey:)- morel mushrooms that grow in a big circle around dying trees. Feeding of the trees nutrients it releases back into the soil as it dies. Really cool stuff! I miss her terribly not being able to talk but will be able to today!

Wow, baby girl will be eight months tomorrow! She is learning so quickly and so very curious! I think she is going to walk as soon as her fat little legs will let her! I love taking our walks together and am excited for when we can pick flowers and beach rocks together!

Such a special, beautiful little child! Maşallah!

There is just something about those hanies! right mom?

Walking and making...

2010-05-02T11:59:00.001-07:00

As many people know being a momma is no joke. It is a full time job, a different kind of full time like 24/7 and if you don't know what I mean check out some articles...

The story from Babycenter, How Motherhood Makes You Smarter and 42 things that change when you have a baby

As I have mused before that I LOVE being a mom but need some me time!

I was really struggling to find that time because I was searching for time like I used to have- being able to sit and sew, paint(insert something creative) for hours on end, working out projects, testing techniques, making messes, hating my projects then eventually being pretty proud of myself or having learned something at least:)...

Well time is not my own anymore and I have moved 10 times in the past three years and my stuff is at 5 different houses currently(ekkk-I am ready to replant some roots!)

So my excuses come down to time and space. I need to become portable and embrace a new creative process...portable and compartmentalized...

So this is my long way of saying I have really been enjoying taking photos lately.

Baby girl, Tequila and I go for walks everyday next to the sea. I quickly(key to it all) load up her stroller so stuff is popping out of the back storage compartment. I push her stroller to the limits- off-roading on the bumpy rocky terrain that is Didim. Her little body bobbling in the stroller. She LOVES to be outside! My husband wonders just how long the stroller is going to hold up?

One nice thing about the rocks everywhere is that my dog has endless balls...pick up a rock...throw it and of course repeat...she loves retrieving but hasn't gotten the release down yet but have no fear...there is another rock!

Initially, this walk is white rocks, the Aegean sea and low lying shrubbery. As I walk...I notice more and repeat

Thistle...

2010-05-01T12:36:00.000-07:00

Find beauty in the "weeds".

Didim is...

2010-04-30T12:37:00.000-07:00

...because one loves what one knows...

2010-04-28T13:00:00.000-07:00

This is my first wild flower bouquet of the season. I am happy to see I picked it on Earth day, April 22nd but didn't realize it as it is not celebrated here but I plan to spread the love next year!

I particularly love the sort of hops looking grass that looks too heavy for it's thin stem as dangles wildly in the wind...

I have recently stumbled across a blog, Resurrection Fern. She posts photos of her wonderful crocheted stones and the beauty that surrounds her. She recently posted about getting to know your local patch of earth.

"What can turn us from this deserted future, back into the sphere of our being, the great dance that joins us to our home, to each other and to other creatures, to the dead and unborn? I think it is love. I am perforce aware how baldly and embarrassingly that word now lies on the page—for we have learned at once to overuse it, abuse it, and hold it in suspicion. But I do not mean any kind of abstract love (adolescent, romantic, or "religious"), which is probably a contradiction in terms, but particular love for particular things, places, creatures, and people, requiring stands, acts, showing its successes and failures in practical or tangible effects. And it implies a responsibility just as particular, not grim or merely dutiful, but rising out of generosity. I think that this sort of love defines the effective range of human intelligence, the range within its works can be dependably beneficent. Only the action that is moved by love for the good at hand has the hope of being responsible and generous. Desire for the future produces words that cannot be stood by. But love makes language exact, because one loves only what one knows."
— Wendell Berry

...BECAUSE ONE LOVES ONLY WHAT ONE KNOWS...

must read more of that man?

tired...enough...many more thoughts but enough for today...

good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite:)

Kapı kırı köyü and Lake Bafa

2010-04-26T03:51:00.000-07:00

We; baby girl, the cute in-laws and I went on an adventure to the village of Kapı kırı. Herakleia is it's name from Greek mythological times with ruins to prove it. It's a beautiful drive through olives groves to the base of the Beşparmak(five finger mountains)or Latmos Mountains.

Located on Lake Bafa about 45 minutes from Didim. It is a quaint little village built on top and amidst the ruins. An ancient piece of marble just chilling in the parking lot:)

We had such a wonderful breakfast, Turkish style at the Pelikan Pensiyon. We admired the lake view with crumbling castles mixed with milking cows as we mmmmed and ahhhed over our fresh eggs, homemade jams of fig and mulberry, tomatoes, cucumbers, locally made olives in olive oil. We smeared butter and honey on fresh bread as we peered down the ravine and spotted the boxes of bees making their honey from the wild flowers popping up around the hillsides. There was a delicious salad medley of parsley, scallion greens, tomatoes and a crumbly white cheese.

Warm tea in a cool rain. After eating lots a rain storm came through just long enough so we could enjoy one last tea...

We meandered our way up the path to one of the many crumbling but beautiful and revealing proofs of a previous time, a different way of life.

How was it made?

Good day, felt like a traveler again...how I got myself to this land in the first place...

Squash or pumpkin?

2010-04-20T05:08:00.000-07:00

This yummmmmy salad I made is a hybrid between the Farro and Butternut squash recipe from 101 cookbooks and the Warm butternut Squash and Chickpea Salad from Smitten Kitchen.
Both are awesome foodie/recipe blogs!

My hybrid consisted of roasting together:

- 2 kilo piece of squash or pumpkin cubed that I had bought at the pazaar(roast until kind of caramelized on browned on sides)
- Two white onions(didn't have red) cubed
- 3 tablespoons olive oil from Mehmet Amca's trees
- Sprinkling of thyme we gather from low lying bushes next to the sea (reminder to go get more to share!
- sea salt of course
Roast all together then when done add-

- Garbanzo beans(otherwise known as chick peas)
Didn't have any Farro (not sure what it is actually) or I was thinking wheat berries but then I found the smitten kitchen recipe so I used garbanzo beans(Also wonderfully nutty). Here in Turkey canned bean are kind of expensive. Fresh are better anyways but they take a long time to cook, especially chick peas. My mother-in-law will just make a big batch and freeze them. So I just pulled some out of the freezer.

Modified the dressing(had hoped for the tahini but we were out); pressed some fresh garlic,
2 lemons, more olive oil and of course salt on everything!

Serve a little warm but I bet it is great cold too! Yummy I really could eat the whole pan!

I must admit I think it becomes all the more delicious when I know that the lemons come from the tree out back, the olive oil is from the old man on the corner's trees and the thyme grows wild next to the sea!

Good news that hubby is coming down from Eskisehir tonight! I am going to quick try to get some chocolate cookies made before baby girl wakes up from her nap!

Also thanks to Keryn for explaining how to get my pictures larger!

Learning from both sides of the family...

2010-03-31T11:34:00.000-07:00

That little blur is baby girl rolling her wrist around pırasa, Turkish for leek. Babaanne(grandma on the father's side) gave it to her for cutting teeth and it really is perfect. It is soft, yet tough to not split open or break off. A natural solution instead of plastic. Also such a great size and shape for that cute little chubby hand to wrap around. Of course there is the slight smell but no one minds...she still gets plenty of kisses.

We made it back down to Didim. To be next to Babaanne(grandma on the father's side, Annaanne on mother's), Hala(Auntie -again a distinction between which side of the family, Teyze on mother's) and Abi for cousin(what all Turks call a man who is older then them unless way older then its Amca-uncle). Oh yeah and don't forget the Manyak Tequila...

So good to see them all. Be together. Think about Dede(grandpa) Have baby girls new little life make them all smile too.

Good to walk next to the beautiful blue water, Aegean Sea where baby girl takes her name from. Where she was born just 7 months ago. Whirlwind!

We went into town recently. Stopped by the butcher shop to get a bone for Tequila. I had baby girl in the sling, sitting kangaroo style so she could face out and observe the world. We were looking in the mirror together making faces while waiting for Babaanne(B) when suddenly the butcher starts frantically explaining something or other...?

My Turkish is getting ok but couldn't quite get it- kendine(self) -dikkat (be careful)-something? B just didn't her cute little smile, listened to his rant, asked him where he was from and thanked him for the bone and we were on our way again.

Once outside I asked what the heck was he saying? (We have our own way of talking- I can always understand her:) She explained that First he was from Erzurum-east Turkey(east and west Turkey are quite different). That his mother said to NEVER have a baby look in the mirror as the baby will become confused and not understand itself. I am sure he said more that was lost in translation but this concept we both found ridiculous...where do these ideas come from? Passed down to generations...that said...

She told me that I need to do what I think is right for our daughter. Don't listen to everyone else and that written...

I do try to do what is best for her but also a balance for the family as a whole to feel good too as Turks are a superstitious bunch...

Baby girl goes out of the house always with a Turkish eye, nazar boncuk pinned to her, we can't say she is beautiful only ugly because of a Nazar. She can't be caught in a cross breeze(only one window open in the house/car at a time). Can't be cold or sweat...

My point of the above story is there are some things that are found ridiculous from one culture(even city) but might be important for another. I do do what I feel is best for my baby girl but also what makes her other side of the family feel better too even if to me some of the things are as silly as not letting the baby look in the mirror...

I know it is all nurturing and out of love...and I have the "erzurum mirror" to bring up if I find anything really hard to handle:)

Currently I am just enjoying having some help with our little monkey. It has started to really get fun- her rolling and sitting and eating and talking!

I am looking forward to some possible alone time? Personal creative time...please:)

At the same time I write of some funny things from this side of our family I have learned some great things too!

Pırasa as a natural teether...

A great swing- sit down stick your legs out, put a pillow across your feet- place baby girl laid across your legs and start a rocking!

Also baby girl was a bit fussy so B quickly whipped out her hammock and rigged it all up for baby girl with a "grandma approved safety strap"(my pink scarf)

At the end here I will add a Maşallah, plaa, plaa, plaa(signifies a sort of spitting/blowing noise you make to get rid of those jealous eyes towards baby dear)- I do love some superstition:)

Have you learned anything great from your parents or in-laws? Anything you need to kindly say "we are not doing that, thank you?"

(uhhhggg...I have been working on this post for far too long. Still trying to find balance with a few minutes of free time even with the in-laws around baby girl still really likes her momma but she is relaxing...I am sure I will miss it one day)

P.S. So very dependent on my computer and it is soooo slow- frustrating!

Happy birthday Dad...

2010-03-25T04:28:00.000-07:00

It was yesterday...

I wish it went like this...

Me calling my dad on skype. I can hear it play in my head, his voice, how his glasses would be all funny on his face around his neck with that silly string. He would probably be looking at some stats or news at the same time talking to us.

He would answer and say, "hi doll(maybe dolls plural now, what would he call our baby girl?)"

me:"Hi dad, Happy birthday!"

dad: "oh thanks sweetie."

me: "what are you guys going to do today?"

Then he would stop "computing", take off his glasses, lean back in the chair, stretch, then cross his arms turning his attention to us...

dad: " oh probably just go down to the Muni for a burger with everybody. Mom made me a chocolate cake. Kids are coming over later. Nothing too special. How are you guys? How is Mavisu?"

me: "We are good. Mavisu is growing so big and beautiful...here look..."
dad: "(here is new territory? I am not sure what exactly he would say because we never got to talk about his grandbaby, the cancer had already made him so weak when we came home from the hospital with her. I know though that he would love her. He loved her. It would make him smile a BIG smile. He would love her!")

We would go on to talk about projects each other are doing. I would get the down low on each sibling and mom as she would be working on a Wednesday. I would ask his opinion about something or other. He would have an opinion. He always did:)

The conversation would take a lull or two and we knew we were done for that session.

I would wish him Happy birthday again and tell him I love him. He would say thanks and say he loves us too.

I would email him a card with a picture of baby girl or have sent something he would get late...of course:)

This is what I wish happened yesterday...

But instead the sharp knife of reality sliced deep. He is gone never too return. It fucking sucks.

Now he lives on in beautiful memories. I hope I can always remember his funny mannerisms and know what he would do in certain situations.

Love you forever father dear...

The above photo is of a gorgeous oil painting of my father's portrait given as a huge, beautiful surprise to my mother. Truly it has a life of it's own and is the second thing to have my father reborn. It is there with my mother and it makes her smile which is the most important! The painting was done by the very kind and ridiculously talented painter, Jeffrey T. Larson.

Coin collections, tin cups, and hand written!

2010-03-12T11:43:00.000-08:00

Previously I wrote of the beauty of technology; the webcam call, the email, the blog, the whole internet community(yet to twitter?)...it has been glorious to me...helping me connect with most important my family but also other expats, moms and people whose paths run parallel or intersect mine. Those who have overcome their culture shock and moved forward with what this foreign life has to offer...I appreciate this...all through my computer...this portal but...there is a real life out there...people to connect with. Things to touch and feel.

Baby girl woke up at about 6 AM uninterested in going back to bed. We woke up, johnny jump-uped(yeah new verb), and I mashed up some bananas and rice cereal for her while I made my yogurt and granola. It was cloudy outside, my throat hurt and she was fussy...so we went back to bed...for like three glorious hours cuddling with baba(daddy).

Re-awoke to rain turned hail. I loved it, it fit my mood, please continue all... day... long...

It didn't. The sun came out but baby girl was still antsy. Slipped on my sweet new rain boots plopped her in the sling and out the door we went.

We live 15 minute drive outside of the city of Eskişehir so we walked to "town" sort of, consisting of a market, a cheese shop and a yarn store. We chatted with the cheese man and he showed me the cheeses from the local villages and told me that fresh milk comes everyday at 9:30AM. Gave me his card and complimented me on knowing Turkish. It's funny here when you know some Turkish people are so impressed where as in the States people are generally annoyed and unforgiving if you don't know English.

I headed to the yarn store and saw they were selling Oya- Turkish Lace that I adore. Whoops forgot money but know now that it is close by! It has so much potential for uses other then just the trim on village women's headscarves. (Got my new sewing machine...so exciting!!! Now need fabric and time!-getting there...)

Rained on us a little, don't worry baby girl didn't melt but we rushed home. There was mail at the door! Opened it to find the perfect little 1/4 measuring cup above, hand written card(mom's nostalgic cursive and support from littlest sis) and an article about feeling beautiful as a mother. The perfect baby cup we always use at my mom's and my grandma always used for all her babies. It is perfect size and shape for a little mouth learning to drink. I love the weight and feel of it- not plastic-blah! A funny little family heirloom this tin cup (who needs silver and gold:)

Actually I watched, Throw momma from the Train last night, The movie with Danny Devito(Owen) and Billy Crystal(Larry)- funny movie but there is one part I really liked when Owen shows Larry his coin collection. Larry is of course expecting exotic, rare coins worth millions but Owen shows him 2 Quarters, 2 Nickels and a Pennie. The worth of them is tied to the memories of his father, they are all change he got during their outings together. I love it! You can watch it here...

I am a little like Owen. I am tied to things but not expensive stuff (partially because we never had it?) but mainly because of the memories. I cherish them!

Now I wear around my dad's old shirts(great for nursing) and give my daughter sips from an old tin cup! Cherish all the card's my mom has sent me over the years to put a smile on my face written in her hand, her cursive.

So as fabulous as the computer is sometimes i just want to touch things, feel things, make things with my own two hands.

Thank goodness for skype...

2010-03-08T11:32:00.000-08:00

Ok, this is obvious that technology is amazing these days but it needs to be acknowledged.
I don't know if I could be living abroad with out it?

Just like these old phone booths actually...

I think of my grandma and when my grandpa went to World War Two for four years. Letters were it...

Now my daughter is growing up with skype and it is ever evolving...
Still waiting for the "beam me up scottie" though.

Grammy...

2010-03-02T11:55:00.001-08:00

Grammy went to heaven today...

She is giving my dad and Ali kisses. Maybe they'll teach her tavla(backgammon)?

She was 90. It was time. She had been wanting to just "go home" for a long time. It was a blessing really. Grandpa wants to follow her close behind. He is her "best kisser" after all...

"one for me, one for you, and one for us" Every time 3 kisses.

They have been married for over 65 years...wow!

I feel fortunate to have so many beautiful memories of my grandparents, their green house with the door always open, bells ringing, the round kitchen table and always plenty of food. The big gardens outside, grammy's raspberry jam, mmm...summer tomatoes with basil, vinegar, and tons of garlic...

She was a great cook!

Grandma never complained, "I'm fine", was so humble, kind, and...

These times are when it is so hard to live abroad...

It was past time for grammy to go but wish I could be hearing the memories shared as everyone takes turn laughing and crying in her honor...listening to "Amazing Grace" in church...hugging the tons and tons of relatives that come with big families who all live close by each other...

It is so different when someone passes at the ripe old age of 90, more a blessing than anything as opposed to 57- then you just feel robbed of time-like it isn't quite fair.

Grandpa will follow soon I'm sure and it will be amazing when the little green house that nurtured 7 babies and tons of grand babies and great-grand babies with the 50 year old willow tree in front? Another constant - a root that will be severed that I am going to have to get used to...ohhh man...

Dear grandma, I love you so much...Goodnight...sweet dreams...

Love, Em

Avokado and school lunches...

2010-02-27T06:15:00.000-08:00

I found some here and they are even grown in Turkey! I wonder where? Anyone know how to grow them? I want a tree for Didim! Will have to make some guacamole!

Does anyone know what wine is good here? Haven't found any I care for yet.

Makes me think of California. Avocados and good wine.

Always impressed by the TED website: Ideas worth spreading. These particular videos I have been watching are about food; particularly how out of touch many Americans are about where it comes from, how to make it and what it is doing...the rest of the world isn't far behind...

Sharing powerful stories from his anti-obesity project in Huntington, W. Va., TED Prize winner Jamie Oliver makes the case for an all-out assault on our ignorance of food.

"renegade lunch lady" Ann Cooper talks about the coming revolution in the way kids eat at school -- local, sustainable, seasonal and even educational food.

In this fiery and funny talk, New York Times food writer Mark Bittman weighs in on what's wrong with the way we eat now (too much meat, too few plants; too much fast food, too little home cooking), and why it's putting the entire planet at risk.

Very inspirational videos. I feel fortunate that I was always raised around gardens with an understanding of how to cook and what a good garden tomato tastes like, what the plant looks like, how they smell. But I still have tons to learn...When we go back to didim for the summer hope to plant a garden(one that thrives unlike last year..) and compost. Start to understand what organic gardening takes.

The above videos refer to the disgusting state of American school lunches. This is a topic that has greatly disturbed my darling sister as she researches it for her master in public health. I can say when I went to university in Turkey I was always impressed with the state schools and I experienced it in the hospitals when I had baby dear a decent lunch program-well balanced. Also it was so cheap like 1TL(75 cents) per day which is unheard of in USA...Ok some days were hit or miss but it was nice to have the option and I loved the metal trays and always gave you real silverware- not plastic throw away stuff that adds to the landfill problems...

P.S. mom thanks for making our school lunches everyday of our school lives.

Balance...patience...building blocks...

2010-02-19T03:42:00.001-08:00

I am floundering to find balance these days...

Balance with time.

Balance between being a good mom and having a second(ok I need a few hours even just once a week) to blog, to breathe, to think, to create, to be by myself all the while trying to nurture my marriage. ("but it's you turn to take her...")

Balance with looking towards the future and at the same time remember to live in the NOW! Our always tentative "plan" of living in Turkey these next 2-3 years then moving to Minnesota vs. living in the present enjoying my daughter growing, enjoying being a stay-at-home mom, enjoying my husband. Will I be so happy once we go back to MN for me? Will I have to work so much there that I will miss being a stay-at-home mom? It is actually a privilege that many don't have and yet I would like more?

Finding and exploring the benefits to this foreign life and to not stunting my growth by concentrating on moving back "home".

Balance with the idea of home. What makes a place home? a person home? What do I want in a home? Our new "home" is in Eskişehir even though neither of us want to stay here. This struggle between furnishing a big house and making it feel like home but not wanting to spend money. Just wanting to save since this is temporary? But I am so sick of constantly moving around and going back and forth between California and Turkey, then Minnesota and Turkey between cities within Turkey and back to USA.

I feel in a strange suspended state and yet it has been the craziest years of my life? Strange?

Balance between new roles and old independence. Balance with the freedom I should have(my husband thinks I have) since I don't "work" but balancing a job that is constant 24/7-motherhood.

When I think of myself as a traveler coming into Turkey I was fearless. Go anywhere ask anyone anything some how but now I have become so dependent on my husband to help me do things; a simple as call the water man to get water and to come with me to buy the new sewing machine I desperately want. What changed or did it change? Is this just real life living now not just vagabonding student? Or does he spoil me so because he just wants me to be happy and I let him and I have inhibited my independence somehow? Language is really what has hindered me. I am learning of course but still not there yet...

He isn't there yet either with his English sometimes I want to scream when I can't just speak without dulling down the vocabulary and yet I know that language learning is difficult -you really need to work at it- writing, studying!

I feel like I have been musing these same things this for the past year...uggg...

I feel like something is brewing inside of me though...I need to make some things! I have many yummy ideas now mavisu and I need to go walk around the city and find a few supplies!

I feel like there are alot of awesome women(many expat and many mommas) doing some great things; art, connecting, helping, nuturing, talking, building relationships, building blocks!

A few great sites...expat+HAREM many great links to interesting women who share their stories and ideas!

expatwomen the home sick mother reminders resonate recently!:)

Also those great crafty sanity podcast I am eating up!

There is such power in hearing peoples stories and it is exciting times with etsy and social networking-some tips on using it prfessionally from Intarsia concept

Turkish houses/apartments are always made from these hollow bricks rebar and lots of cement. I am always facinated to watch them use random peices of wood to build molds for the cement.

Now home is where ever my husband and daughter are...

Again...sleep...

Need some rebar and cement...

Oh yes and baby girl is flipping from back to front now! So exciting!

Orna-momento?

2010-02-17T12:52:00.001-08:00

So over the snowy Christmas season between grieving, breast feedings, diaper changings, tummy time, new mommy stuff etc...and some social outings too of course:) but mainly with help from my best babysitters; grandma and auntie Maudie I made these ornaments...

As I have written before that Christmas time has always been a big deal at the Johnson house with strong traditions; the hunt for the 18 footer and Dad's pants. He was always proud that he could still fit into his red,green and white plaid pants every year all the while looking quite dapper.

So with these things in mind I cut up the pants...

I took time...trying to channel my father's attention to detail and classic style all the while loving being creative again! Working with my hands!

For the front I made a monogram graphic on the computer and printed it on some organza silk made for printing at home(but a cheaper way is to iron freezer paper to muslin and cut to printer paper size-print at home-works great-anyone seen freezer paper in Turkey?)

The handle is the tie from his suspenders with some great buttons I found in my mother's collection.

For the back I appliqued the tree with a bright red stocking cap like he would wear for the hunt as the angel topper. The red ornaments are french knot embroidery and only on the bottom half. The tree was always so tall and when we were little only the parts we could reach would get decorated.

My siblings and mother each got similarly detailed ones with a simpler version going out to the many relatives and close friends.

I love making things with special personal meaning. The details and memories intertwined in the piece to remake the cherished piece into a newly wonderful memento! Want to do more with this idea...

This christmas ornament will be out for quite a while at my house...

Have been loving and so inspired by listening to craft podcasts specifically Craftsanity with Jennifer Ackerman-Haywood!(Thanks to Verity at thelightgarden for introducing me to them when she wrote about importance of community and connections. I don't want to feel like we live on an island anymore...)

bed time now...

It takes a village to raise a child...

2010-02-15T12:04:00.000-08:00

OK...I get it now...

It takes a village to raise a child...
-African proverb

I miss our villages, we are lucky enough to have two, Wayzata and Didim.

But we are doing it just us...we are strong...just tired...and the house is messy...a trail of stuff...

Yesterday was Valentine's Day and I didn't even remember until 5 o'clock p.m...

Baby girl woke up at 4:30 A.M. that day and hubby and I went back in forth fighting about who gets less sleep then the other...I cried...I do not do well with out sleep or food..

fortunately then we laughed...

Today is our three year anniversary of the first day we met. I will always remember him looking stunning in his Kermit the frog green hooded sweatshirt, black hair and dark eyes...always looking...magnetic...his sexy confidence about him...my frog prince charming...

Made something yummy tonight for dinner from my HUGE "How to cook everything" cookbook by Mark Bitman:

Wheat berries cooked in separate pot
saute an onion in olive oil
add thyme and chopped walnuts
add wheat berries when cooked through
heat together and yummy!
Good combo

We ate it fast and cold such is our new life but together and still was good...

Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.
-Elizabeth Stone

"I love you more than you have yet to know"

2010-02-04T04:00:00.000-08:00

My brother recently wrote this comment on a post:

One of the last things dad wrote me in an email was "I love you more than you have yet to know". Looks like your beginning to learn what he meant. She is so beautiful.

I AM beginning to understand this love like no other of a parent for a child and I still miss my father every day.

The in-laws are here which is great! The drove up north to us bearing fresh fish, lemons from the trees around the house, a huge container of olive oil and smiles mixed with tears as they saw us and of course baby dear!

I do love big family breakfasts and everyone talking at once even when I don't understand everything. Turkish breakfast always include plates of cheese, sausage, honey, jam, butter and lots of fresh bread and everyone just grabs from the middle. Tea too of course! Great to have them here and we have spoke of many great memories my cute father-in-law(and father too- so glad they met!) His happy-go-lucky feeling about life! How he constantly hounded us all to wear our slippers and socks because he didn't want his family sick:)

Dad's memorial was pretty nontraditional and very suiting for our nontraditional father. It was at the house, in the yard where our family grew with the oak trees and gardens, the MN seasons and dad's grass he would fertilize with dawn dish soap, beer and Epson salt while wearing golf shoes:)????

At my brother's wedding my father gave a speech basically how he is so proud of my brother for becoming his own person. Dad gave the best speeches and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree! My brother gave the best speech at my father's memorial. I cried the hardest at this point...

Hello, my name is Lucas Johnson and I am the only son of Kim Alan Johnson. I say that because I am very proud to be Kim Johnson's son.

Some children miss out on their fathers because they decide to be physically absent, choosing work or hobbies over spending
time with their kids. Other parents are emotionally absent, not letting their children see that they even have emotions. Some fathers are simply not there.

With my father, I wanted for nothing. Dad was always therefor me, showing me by example what a father and husband should be in the truest sense of the word. He supported me in EVERYTHING I did no exceptions. He always tried to guide me with his wisdom and knowledge that seemed endless at times. I sometimes wondered how could someone know so much. He loved the fact that all of his children were thoughtful, independent adults. I quote from an email he had written to this Aunt. “All these children of mine are really getting out in the world. They have all become interesting adults acting independently with good ethics and morals My love for them and pride in them continues to grow as they continue to amaze me.”

This was my father. Above any and all else it was about his wife and children always, no exceptions. I am again so grateful for that.

At tragic times like these, so many families are worried about all the things left unsaid because they were not brave enough to say them and they ran out of time. That is not true with my family. I never had to “tell” my dad anything before he died. I knew he loved me and I loved him. Through out my life I am overcome with examples of this.

When I was a young kid probably in 6th grade or so my dad and I hit a patch of black ice when we were driving to one of countless basketball B team weekend tournament, again my dad never missed an event so he was driving me. But the memory that has always stuck out about that was as soon as we hit this patch the very very first thing my dad did was hold out him arm across my chest and said “Hold on”. And he held me as we were spinning out of control on the free ways off the road and into the ditch. I have always felt so loved by that.

He supported me in tough times as an adult as well during my adventures across the country in pursuit of football. There were so many times I called him up, standing at the ledge, hysterical, crying and frustrated. He was the only person who truly understood the trials and tribulations of this era of my life. He even mentioned it at his speech at my wedding. He knew I hated it by the end, heck not even by the end. But he is solely responsible for me not becoming a quitter and gaining the incredible knowledge that this era of my life taught me about the real world. I will be forever grateful to him for this. It meant so much.

I am going to miss my father for the rest of my life. He was the ultimate role model. A perfectionist of the highest degree, who was capable of fixing or doing anything. A man who's mind was always pondering the real world around him looking for truth in all of the lies.

My father was in the truest sense of the word that I have ever seen in my life a “renaissance man” and that is how I would like for him to remembered. I believe that true Renaissance men are the rarest type on this earth and that is why we will miss him so much. He can never be replaced. I'm sure there are other Renaissance men out there but you can only meet so many people in the time you are on this earth that I know I will never meet another like him.

I would just like to close by saying I love my father very much and I am going to spend the rest of my life trying to become a man worthy of being my fathers son.

Thank You all for coming.

comfort food...

2010-02-03T08:22:00.000-08:00

Thumbs up for cereal!

Baby dear will be five months tomorrow. We tried some rice cereal a few days ago just for fun. She can sit up like a big girl in her Bumbo and really liked to taste her cereal!

Snowed a lot today...big fluffy flakes...the reminded me of cottonwood trees and how when dad was loosing his hair he said that was how he felt...like a cottonwood with his blond locks...

We stayed inside for most of the day (Of course that has been a majority of my last 5 months:) but baba could be with us.

I made some yummy soup/stew concoction finding inspiration from my mother and mother-in-law. My mom is the BEST at cooking many things but especially whatever is in the fridge soups. Just keep adding things and serve the the family warm goodness. My mother-in-law is great at starting with an onion, adding a vegetable some Salça (tomato paste) and salt-maybe a little ground beef or another veggie and you again have a warm delicious meal.

My stew:

1/3 chunk of socuk(Turkish sausage)
chopped then sauteed onion and carrot
mushroom stalks I had and celery root greens sauteed
Added lentils and 5 times the amount of water
spoonful of tomato paste, salt, pepper
And cook about 30 minutes to taste
had boiled some cauliflower I added towards the end
Fresh chopped parsley

eat with delicious kaymakli yogurt on the side and fresh bread

End the night exhausted but cuddling with the hubby in front of the fireplace...passed out!

Take something from the fog...

2010-01-30T12:33:00.000-08:00

Guess where she got those big brown eyes?

So "mama" in English of course is mother but in Turkish it means baby food, nursing etc. and is actually also used for pet food.

I refer to my husband as "baba"-daddy when I speak to baby girl about him and he is trying to use "mama' but usually slips to say "anne"-Turkish for mother since mama has that double meaning. He's trying...

I just would like her to refer to me as "mama"- the mother I know not Anne but I bet it will all work out- We are doing well adjusting to the flow of our little family...

Below are lovely words that Keryn at eighty days design had posted and I needed to share with others...Also check out her great pictures and gorgeous cards...

"When we feel muddled and unfocused, unsure of which way to turn, we say we are in a fog. Similar to when we are in a fog in nature, we may feel like we can’t see where we’re going or where we’ve come from, and we’re afraid if we move too quickly we might run into something hidden in the mists that seem to surround us. Being in a fog necessarily slows us down by limiting our visibility. The best choice may be to pull over and wait for the murkiness to clear. If we move at all, we must go slowly, feeling our way and keeping our eyes open for shapes emerging from the haze, perhaps relying on the taillights of someone in front of us as we make our way along the road. By and large, most of us prefer to be able to see where we are going and move steadfastly in that direction, but there are gifts that come from being in a fog. Sometimes it takes an obstacle like fog to get us to stop and be still in the moment, doing nothing. In this moment of involuntary inactivity, we may look within and find that the source of our fogginess is inside us; it could be some emotional issue that needs tending before we can safely go full steam ahead.

Being in a fog reminds us that when we cannot see outside ourselves, we can always make progress by looking within. Then again, the fog may simply be teaching us important lessons about how to continue moving forward with extreme caution, harnessing our attention, watching closely for new information, and being ready to stop on a dime. We cannot predict when a fog will come, nor can we know for certain when it will lift, but we can center ourselves in the haze and wait for guidance. We may find it inside ourselves or in a pair of barely visible taillights just ahead. Whether we follow the lights out of the fog, wait for a gentle breeze to lift it, or allow the sun to burn it away, we can rest certain that one way or another, we will move forward with clarity once again"

Words from Daily Om

Back in Turkey

2010-01-26T23:39:00.000-08:00

We made it safely back to Turkey after our four months in Minnesota. As I have said a million times it is so bittersweet but back in Baba's arms, with my husband, to be our little family. As we know fathers are so important and my husband needs a chance to learn to be a good one and baby dear needs to bond!

It took me a little longer to get over jet lag since can't sleep when I want revolves around my little miss Mavisu. She is back on her schedule now too thank goodness.

We moved into a new house and are back living in Eskişehir. Ç found us a big house I think to welcome us back and make me feel better about coming back. We need to be in one place for a while. It is an American style house with a garage, basement, bathtubs and vaulted ceilings. It is nice just a little overwhelming to be unpacking and cleaning with a baby but slowly slowly...different priorities now different pace.

Being new parents my husband and I have found a whole new respect for our parents. It is hard stuff, parenting this little being that is completely dependent on you, all encompassing and completely beautiful:)

It is such a learning process with a steep learning curve. I had a chance to start learning with the help of my momma but now we have to work together as parents!

The last two nights she has had a couple crying fits during the evening time...her time to mootz(have spelled that correctly mother?)...a fussier time. She is a really good baby but sometimes she gets a little fire inside her and not much can help except nans(nursing) and if not that then-fresh air. It is funny she can be ballllling and then the second we step outside she quits. We tried almost everything possible last night indoors then Ç suggested car ride- perfect!

We all got bundled up. Hit the fresh air- stopped crying! Hopped in the car-silence is truely golden. We were so relaxed because of the silence Ç joked we should just start living in the car. Put a little table in the middle- eat there- maybe take turns driving-sleeping- I was cracking up!

The funny thing about Baby girl loving the cold is the Turks fear of it(talked about in previous posts). I took her for a little baby bjorn walk all bundled up in her snow suit with hat, gloves etc. to the market yesterday for her sake and mine(must get out of the house sometimes!). And I anticipated this happening but the second I was in speaking distance to a Turkish woman she says to me "napiyorsun kizim, çok soğak!" -"what are you doing my girl, so cold!" I tried to explain that her snow suit was thick but couldn't think of the word for thick(just found it-kalın- really diving into learning the language!) and it just came out as "buyuk"-big but after that just smiled and let the woman look at our beautiful little child and continue on her way muttering about how cold it is...

The above photo was after a 2 hours inconsolible crying bout where I had her in the front sling with a blanket around us both standing outside swaying and singing at the top of my lungs(hello new neighboors:) until she finally fell asleep sucking her thumb looking rather angelic. And as frustrated as I was and as BAD AS MY BACK HURTS ohhh I love that little girl! Maşallah!

Found this from babycenter.com

After the intensity of adjusting to life with a new baby, many parents reach a point where they find they're like ostriches lifting their heads out of the sand to discover a wider world — the one they took leave of, temporarily, after the birth. The repetitiveness and endlessness of baby care can also be very different from the pace of work, especially if you're used to a goal-oriented job or lots of adult interaction

I think my head is starting...slowly to lift...

If you can't read it that well go here

must go baby girl is awake and baba needs a lesson on our cloth diapers!

xoxo thanks to those who still read!

I can't believe...

2010-01-04T09:20:00.000-08:00

I can't believe our little beauty, biggest doll girl is 4 months today.

I can't believe it is 2010. Happy New year...new decade to all!

I can't believe how 2009 was the best and worst year of my life, the circle of life.

Feel so fortunate for it all...thanks.

We will be headed back to Turkey soon to be with my wonderful patient husband.

All so bittersweet...

Traditions...

2009-12-21T08:11:00.000-08:00

When I was younger I never thought I was a good writer. Then I took my first college english course and the teacher kept telling me to "write what you know." I wrote about our Johnson family Christmas tree hunt with my father as the leader of our pack...can't find the original story but the memories are always strong...especially this time of the year...strong family tradtion...

Every year shortly after Thanksgiving KAJman(our dad) would dawn his bright orange hunting hat signaling it was time for the hunt...hunt for the year's trophy 18 foot Christmas tree.

Our family would get all bundled up, boots, hats, mittens, down jackets, scarves up to our eyes...four children plump from all the layers loaded into the "woody" station wagon all fighting for the back seat. The hidden seat in the trunk so you looked out at the cars behind you. After all settled into our positions, dad prepared with a full 12 pack of Diet Coke under his legs or was it the megaswig stage at this time? Dad would turn the inginition and we were off up the highway to some remote tree farm in northern minnesota where my dad knew we would find the perfect tree.

My parents house has gorgeous 18 ft. ceilings in the living room and my father placed special hooks so the tree sat perfectly in the middle of the stained glass window. Gorgeous every year...

This year is different with our missing link. We decided to put the tree outside this year and decorate with popcorn and cranberry strings, pinecones with peanutbutter and birdseed, all food for the birds. As the topper we used dad's signature bright orange stocking cap as our shining star tree topper, our angel!!!!

We love you dad!

Also Mavisu is growing more beautiful everyday! She just got over her first cold and we are getting eager to see her daddy when we go back to Turkey in January.

Hope all are having a good holiday season whatever holidays you celebrate! Hope it is filled with love and time to be with those loved ones! xoxo

Mavisu is getting ready...with her party dress on! Will take picks of the outside tree soon.

Yep...

2009-11-30T21:24:00.000-08:00

She just keeps getting cuter:)

Mercy home foundation...

2009-11-14T20:05:00.001-08:00

One of my dearest friends, Trinea is doing a round the world trip. She has currently stopped off in India to work with a non-profit named Mercy Home Foundation who helps take care of women who would other wise have no where else to go. They all have some varying form of autism or other mental disorders but are basically all grouped together since they lack funding for doctors to diagnose let alone treat them.

They need basic necessities most of all and a place to feel safe, warm and home!!!

Please read more of Trinea's journey at http://itstrinea.com/ and donate whatever you can at mercy home foundation

The above photo is from when Trinea visited me in Turkey. We are standing in front of the Sultanahmet, Blue Mosque on a spring day.

We are lucky girls to have been born healthy and safe with loving families!

Elimination communication; ie: baby potty training!

2009-11-12T16:54:00.000-08:00

Ok so I heard about this from my sister...she had been in Costa Rica for the summer working at this enviromental learning center, Rancho Mastatal in the jungle... pretty sweet but that is a different story.

She told me how the little girl who was only one year old would use a hand signal when she needed to use the potty. She can't talk yet but is signally for the potty! My sister suggested I teach Mavisu to do the same.

At first I thought it seemed a bit crazy, let's be honest but was willing to at least read the book and give it a try.

I got the book from the library and it took me forever to read as I have a newborn and life is on baby time...how does the time fly by? (oh but I love her so much!)Tip to new moms...have it close to you for everytime you breast feed you can read.

So I read Ingrid Bauer's book, Diaper free! The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygeine. and it made a lot of sense. That this early potty training only actually sounds crazy to the western world. That you tune into your child and watch facial expressions and noises to know when they need to relieve themselves.

So I started with Mavisu yesterday...and havn't had time to write about it...

life is different these days...been trying to finish this blog entry for days!!! but i am a new momma who can't seem to find the time and must learn to do all things one handed!!! love it but is a whole new world!!!!!!

i'm tired...will go into detail later about how it is going...my baby using the potty...

note: her leg warmers for easy diaper on and off...ohhh she is cute!

Mehmet Ali...

2009-11-11T11:32:00.000-08:00

Seni seviyoruz!

Seni ozliyoruz!

My dear father-in-law passed on October 25th 2009. He had a long battle with lung cancer that had metastasized to his brain.

Thank you for your beautiful son!

Mavisu's two grandpa angels!

I am so glad they met and we all had a good time together before this craziness all happened!

As my mom pointed out...hopefully my dad and Ali are in heaven together playing Tavla(backgammon) where language is not a problem. Smiling down on us!

They will be missed everyday but thank you for your legacy!

We cherish the memories and thank you for what you left behind in us all!

sharp, surprising stab in the back...

2009-11-06T11:22:00.000-08:00

First off thinking and praying for my dearest auntie godmother who had a double mastectomy yesterday...Dearest Auntie I love you more than words! You are so special, kind, giving, thoughtful, selfless and wonderful! A true inspiration...you don't need boobs to be any of those things:) I promise to have a petite syrah and lentil soup ready to aid in a speedy recovery.

FUCK CANCER (sorry but swearing is necessary sometimes!)

As far as thoughts of my father we still are going through the motions, living life and able to laugh and talk about dad but then it(the reality of his absence) sneaks up behind you and stabs you in the back...but as my mom said that is good. We need to feel it.

The most recent tear-jerker was this morning, a card from my great-aunt Audrey who lives in Arizona:

My most outstanding memory of Kim is when he met me at the airport after Dayton died(my father's father). He greeted me with a big hug and his famous smile, and I thought:"I bet he learned to show warmth that way from Theresa(mom)." Us Johnsons, my generation and previous ones for sure, were pretty much taught not be very demonstrative. So I thank you for your love for him and for helping him and will always remember him that way. He really made me feel like family.

So thank you Aunt Audrey for the note and for keeping in touch! Very special!

The above photo is from when my mom and dad came to Turkey to check out this other life. It makes my heart so happy that my dad got to meet the future in-laws and see just what I have been living. It one thing to hear about places but a whole other to experience them.

My dad's neck had gotten really cramped from his first really long plane trip. Well at the time we blamed the trip but in hindsight we wonder if it had to do with the cancer? I was helping support his neck so he could see the beautiful domed ceilings at the Hagia Sophia mosque/church(a must when you all come visit us in Istanbul:).We were laughing away of course.

The one time I could support my dad. He loved and supported us countless unasked times. I realize now something I sort of took for granted, the solid rock, supportive roots that was my father. But now I ask myself "WWKD" -What Would KAJMAN Do? How would my father do it? It helps.

I was inspired to post this pic since my dear seester has a photo of her and dad on facebook. It is good to be reminded even though it hurts.

Thanks to all for sharing stories they mean a lot to us. Never forget.

Girlfriends...

2009-10-20T09:21:00.000-07:00

Two of my best girlfriends came to town this weekend. It was amazing and we didn't have to do anything.

Girlfriend sessions are so necessary. It is a counseling session filled with giggles. So good for the soul!

We thought of our San Diego lives when the world revolved around only us and just hanging out together. Now so much has changed; a world not just for us, marriage, birth, death, travels, moves, new houses.

We are in such different times in our lives but it comforts my soul to know we will always be friends no matter how many miles apart we are. That our next generation will have some wonderful aunties! Although I wish I could put you in my pocket and pull you out whenever I need you.

Thankyou for coming my darlings!

Also thank you to my mother's wonderful girlfriends/sisters that have helped her and us all so much through these tough times! You are such special ladies! I worry so much less about my mother's heart hurting when I think of you!

Melt my heart...

2009-10-19T11:17:00.000-07:00

I love sleep. I am just a person that requires a full 8 hours to function. My father could get by on 4 and I always was amazed by that.

Being a new mom who is breast feeding you do not get that straight 8 hours. You wake up every 3 or so hours a night to feed your child. Sometimes I hear here start to fuss at 3AM. I think just five more minutes please...but then I awake and look down at my adorable little girl that is so dependent on me and I wake right up.

She recently started smiling...and that is what really melts my heart! I am yet to capture it on film but oh my goodness...melt my heart!

Fall...

2009-10-11T19:12:00.000-07:00

It is fall in MN. Normally in mine and I believe many Minnesotans opinion the best time of the year with squash, pumpkins, apples, crisp fresh air...

And of course the colorful leaves, reds, yellows, oranges and everything in between. The most gorgeous as the sun shines through warming the crisp air.

Minnesotans know that you really have to get ready for the long cold winter though. Unfortuanatly it might be coming earlier than normal this year but we hope to get another warm spell!

Mom and I readied the gardens. Picking the carrots and beets. Tearing out tomato plants. Harvesting the herbs and honey crisp apples(probably the best apples I have ever had!)all before the EARLY snow we are supposed to get.

Gardening and working outside is so therapeutic. The smells of the soil and the fresh crisp air in your lungs.

Most Minnesotans are busy canning or freezing their gardens right now. My aunties and sister made salsa. So much you can do to preserve the garden delights for winter; canning, freezing and pickling are a few.

I have previously written about Turkish Turşuci, The pickle man. They pickle anything and everything in Turkey and have whole fabulous shops dedicated to this art. I recently came across and article through Istanbul Eats from Today's Zaman about the best Turşu in Turkey and even how to make it yourself...so for those of you drooling over the thought of pickled everything check out the article here and make some yourself...

We had our little Mavisu Pumpkin Lovely out for some sunshine and fresh air. My darling Turkish in-laws might be upset to think she was out in the cold but I promise she was bundled up tight and I am being a good mommy. I love her more everyday! We miss her Baba (Daddy) though!

Floating on...

2009-10-06T13:37:00.000-07:00

Life goes on...

My mother describes it as "being on autopilot." You just continue even though it just constantly feels like something is missing, like it isn't real.

Even though I am not constantly thinking about how my father is gone it is constantly with me...subconsciously...in the back of my head...a fog...then bam...it hits...I see a photo or think of something I would want to ask him..."Dad, how do you blah blah blah with the computer?" etc. etc...I loose my breathe...I get sick to my stomach...He was a wealth of knowledge plus so much more...and he is gone.

My brother describes it as a "Hole." A hole that will always be with us.
A hole that can't be filled and will be there forever.

It still just feels like a dream. How can he be gone? When is he going to come home? When is he going to walk through the door again smiling? How can we do it without our constant? He was always there for all of us; my mother, two sisters, brother and I...always...no questions asked.

I worry about us all but especially my mother. I know she will be fine, she is so strong! She has a wonderful extended family and so many friends to support her but it just isn't the same. She told me the other day she truely understands what heartache means and how it feels. She says she can handle that life will be harder with out my father. They took care of each other for so long...he did certain things and she did others...but she just thinks about how lonesome she will be...my heartaches for my father and then it aches more thinking of my mother's heartaching...

Mavisu turned 1 month old on the 4th. She helps us all so much. Her new little life. Why is it you can just stare at babies and be completely entertained?

Our journey from Turkey to America was a long one. My husband had a driver pick us up in Didim and drive us to him in Eskisehir, 7 hours. Then from Eskisehir to Ankara, 3 hours to get mavisu's emergency passport all while faxing papers and trying to prove my citizenship so she could get her passport, grieving. We got it, then back to eskisehir...drove to Istanbul,4-5 hours to fly out...flew from Istanbul to Chicago, 11 hours with Mavisu in her little bag. She was such a good girl. Then Chicago to Minneapolis, 1 hour. But whatever...you just do it...more autopilot...

Greeted with hugs, kisses and crys. But where is dad? He always picks me up at the airport? Shit...

In the month since Mavisu has been born...she becomes more precious everyday...She is opening her beautiful little eyes for longer, she has gained over a pound, plumb healthy little baby fat, she is getting more facial expressions and can focus on your face now. She is getting strong, holding her neck up, bobbing her head.

We are going to stay in MN until after christmas. It was my beautiful husbands idea, to share his wife and new baby with his mother-in-law. He knew she needs us for a while. I don't think he realized just how hard it would be for him...so hard...but he is selfless...wonderful and thoughtful...he will visit us soon and thank you god for skype.

So for now we are all floating on( check out the Modest Mouse song) covered by a fog, hearts aching but so thankful for all our memories, other blessings, each other and all the kind words, stories, cards, gifts that have been shared. Our father's legacy.

Happy 34th Anniversary...

2009-09-13T03:18:00.000-07:00

“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” -David O. McKay

And love her he has!

Our father passed away this morning at 1:30AM Minnesota time(9:30 AM Turkey). My sister said his breathing became labored and they understood the end was near so my mother climbed into bed with him. He passed away next to his life-long love. He waited until their Anniversary, today September 13th my mother and father have been married for 34 years. He waited...

Thank you megs and mom for writing on the caring bridge site...it has helped so much, my distance to read and thank you everyone for visiting it and sharing stories about how wonderful my father is...uhhh was...so hard...

Thank you for waiting to have the funeral service when we get there...I need it...I need to grieve together with you all...I need to cry together and laugh together..hear the stories...tell the stories...with my family...with all that know and love everything beautiful about our KAJman!

Although I will forever regret not physically having said goodbye to you dad I know you would understand it all. You have always been rational and supportive...even of this big move...you have always thought we have good opportunities in this developing country of Turkey. I am so glad you and mom made it here last year. ohhh but it is just so far...still...how did it happen so fast? We know you didn't want to be the sick guy in the corner ever though...

Should have, would have, could have...what if they would have found it sooner...what if you would of stopped smoking years ago...what if...stop.

You would love your granddaughter so much and you will from afar be her protective angel. As my brother said, "You tag teamed...mavisu in and you out", you overlapped...thank god she came early! You will always be connected and she will hear how wonderful you were and it will inspire her...inspire her to be her own unique person...kind and considerate of others...strong and opinionated...happy and smile in knowing that family is so important. I am going to raise her well, as I was so fortunate to have been with help of her beautiful father who I know you approved of and that means so much! You always said Çağlar would have his own private jet one day, my entrepreneur...if only it was now:)

Now every time I look at a computer, see a picture, see diet coke, chocolate, etc. so many things I will think of you and for now it will make the tears flow but I am so much better for having known you...thank you for being you my wonderful, special father!

I love you forever father dear...xoxoxo...thank you for everything...

I promise to take the best care of your granddaughter...we now all draw strength from her new life!

"If I could"...

2009-09-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

Our beautiful daughter was born healthy 9 days early on September 4th, 2009 at 10:40 AM Turkish time. She was born 3.25 kilos(7.2 lbs) and 20 inches long. She is gorgeous and we are so in love with her and feel so blessed!

At the same time across the ocean my father is dying...

My father-in-law has been sick with cancer for the past year, since last August. We moved to Didim to be closer to him during his last days.

Some days when I would get frustrated by this Turkish life my mother would remind me, "what if it was your dad, What would you want to do?" and I would agree that I would have to be next to him. To celebrate his life, to be together with the family as we have been with my in-laws...

But in some sick twist of fate it is my father that is the sick one...some how since his diagnosis on June 15th, only three months ago(another sick twist of fate that diagnosis came 2 days after I left Minnesota from my month long visit and how can two grandpas both be sick with cancer?) my father went from having kidney cancer with a good prognosis, a really good chance to make it through, he was working in the yard and out socializing, to this last week having gotten so weak with the cancer having spread absolutely everywhere eating him from the inside out that when I see him from skype it doesn't even look like my father anymore???

We have done all this waiting and circling for my father-in-law expecting him to pass and now it IS my own father that is going to leave us prematurely...

how? why? It is all happening too fast!

I will tell our daughter so many stories...about how beautiful her grandpa was(I can't believe I have to start using past tense...it is so wrong)...how kind, intelligent, quirky and wonderful. How he would help anyone who needed it but was especially always there for his family; my mother and us four kids.

I know he understood when I called and said I was going into labor and I think he understood the first day we came back from the hospital...his first granddaughter was born...and she is perfect!

I have been listening to music for days straight just nursing our daughter and spending time with my new little family between skype calls with my family in Minnesota and have been moved by this Jack Johnson song..."If I could"

Here it is on Youtube

A brand new baby was born yesterday
Just in time
Papa cried, baby cried
Said "Your tears are like mine"
I heard some words
From a friend on the phone
That didn't sound so good
The doctor gave him two weeks to live
I'd give him more if I could

You know that I would now
If only I could
You know that I would now
If only I could

Down the middle drops one more
Grain of sand
They say that
New life makes losing life easier to understand
Words are kind
They helped ease the mind
I'll miss my old friend
And though you gotta go
We'll keep a piece of your soul
One goes out
One comes in

You know that I would now
If only I could
You know that I would now
If only I could

You know that I would now, be there if I could my dear father...I love you so much!

We are trying to make our way as quickly as we can, getting a passport for our daughter. We need to make sure she won't get sick on the plane with the recycled air and germs. Anyone want to loan us their private jet?

She is the most important now, this new little life...

Must save moisture for milk not tears...

Irony or karma?

2009-09-01T02:19:00.000-07:00

I have another column out in Voices Newspaper entitled "Whose Holding Their Hands?". In the column I muse about our first times in Eskişehir with the student exchange. The contradiction between extreme hospitality but feeling like we were going to get taken out by a car any minute.

I am not sure if it is irony or karma that the day I bought the newspapers to check on my printed article...I was waddling out of a store ın a pregancy ınduced haze where we had bought some new sheets, annoyed at how expensive our sheets were, blindly following my husband to the car when someone was parallel parking and hit me with the car...don't worry it was a slight tap...but ohhh I was angry. The man apologized and I started balling(reminder 38 weeks prego) and my husband told me that I am the one that needs to be careful and that I need to watch where I am going...well I was pissed at this comment and I am huge how could one not see me? The tears were flowing at this point. I got over it but what do you think...ironic I had just written about this or karma for musing about another culture? Or maybe just proves my point...read my column and open your third and fourth eyes! Pregnancy haze is no excuse...

The next part of my column talks about the ONE test university system of Turkey. Although the system is wonderful for the students that pass the test and is very inexpensive they don't leave options for the rest of the population. I think in the states we are very lucky to have the community and technical colleges as an option for preparing for university or just taking a few classes to improve a skill or just for the sake of learning, also for older students. Unfortunately it sounds like right now the university system is cutting classes left and right and so many teachers are out of work. My old teacher writes about these issues often at her blog, Kloe among the Turks.

Obama just passed a $12 billion initiative for community colleges...Hope it works out...don't forget how important the teachers are!!!!

Here is an interesting program from the U.S. Department of State community college initiative for foreign students...

The photo is of Hubby and I on our Kayak...it is so great!

37 weeks...

2009-08-26T04:16:00.000-07:00

I am now 37 weeks pregnant. I am big...my belly is big, my breasts are big, my moles are big, my hands are big, my feet are big, my hips feel big, my emotions are big...my memory is small though(I have the pregnancy brain- uh what was I doing?)

We are ready to meet our child, to kiss her, to smell her, to see what a mixture of our two families she looks like. Her due date is September 13th(my beautiful parents anniversary). Of course only like 5% of babies come on the due date and time does fly!

I am also ready to have my body back. Although I still have some fear for the laboring process especially in this foreign land I am also so pregnant and everything hurts just a little from carrying around 12 extra kilos(26 pounds). And really I never knew one could pee so often...

I moan when I get up, I ache when I go down, I waddle everywhere and I can't do most things myself anymore. A painter came yesterday so the ceiling are no longer chipping away and a cleaning women came today to help with the mess and give us a full sweep through to get us ready. I am stubborn and still think I can do it myself- then I try to bend down- lots of grunting and heavy breathing-forget about it- give in to the help! Thank goodness the cleaning women came because I started trying to clean myself yesterday(with the help of hubby)but I am hurting because of it today.

My husband knows my tone, the way I say his name when I have a project for him. Because although my memory is impaired, my list writing skills are very keen right now! My list, his list, our list:) He is a trooper and he knows how to make me laugh when I want to cry:)

It is good that baby growing takes so long, 10 months, why do they say 9? You have a while to get used to the idea. I quickly got over the initial shock of "oh my goodness we are pregnant" and have gone through many stages currently having progressed to the "We are so excited to meet her and now please give me my body back!"

Anyone know of an actual massage therapist in Didim? I wish...

Most important of all this is please just let our child come healthy...her mommy can hold out, "take one for the team" (yes, me in third person) and really I have been really fortunate to have had a healthy pregnancy just these last few days I have been feeling so big!

old post...marriage

2009-08-26T03:25:00.000-07:00

I am going back through all my old posts labeling...not fun...advice is to label from the beginning but found this old post about before we got married in Turkey June 2008.

So here's my old post and mark my words we are still going to have our wedding party in America! It will just include a meet our little daughter part also!(two years later) This post is from when I was debating on whether or not to make my blog personal. Well I definitely open it right up...

When I started this blog I wanted to keep it about some of my experiences in Turkey but to not get too personal but here goes...

So we did it! We got married, my beautiful Turk and I. I have been on hiatus from the blog, not sure what I want to add. The above photo is of where I got my wedding dress. It was a surreal whirlwind experience of planning this party in two days. We were just going to go to the government building-justice of the peace style and have a party later. It is hard both having amazing friends and families but in different countries and on such short notice. Caglar's friend regretted not having a party and his family never forgave him so he took it upon himself to plan. His friend took us to the old shopping center and the top floor is only wedding dresses but Turkish wedding dresses with fluff and flouff and glitter and polyester and layers upon layers upon fake flowers and glitter and ruffles. It ties to my earlier blog entry of Delightfully tacky...

My dress turned out to be beautiful though. I kept saying to keep it small, less poof. I tried on a few and then found a beautiful one, initially didn't zip up the back so the women just tore out the zipper and put in a lace up back, like on a corset. We had our clothes and were ready for the ceremony.

Ramazan başlıdı

2009-08-22T03:51:00.000-07:00

Ramazan in Turkish, Ramadan in other Muslim cultures started yesterday. This festival lasts a month where devotees fast from the first Azan, call to pray at sunrise to the last Azan, at sunset. Very strict Muslims fast food, drinks even water, cigarettes, sex, everything in excess and then are allowed food once the sun sets. Some even wake up before the sun rises to quick get a bite in before the long day of fasting.

My husband and family don't practice this tradition which I am happy for because it just seems so intense! There are lots of angry people driving around during these days; hot, hungry and not smoking cigarettes.

Often times more moderate Muslim people choose one thing to give up, similar to Lent in Catholicism. Our neighbor has given up alcohol for a month, a little detox. The fasting practice is to teach patience, modesty and spirituality...ok I can understand that.

But with Ramazan fasting happening all around me I want to talk food! There are tons of special breads and dishes only made around this time I need to learn more about.

My previous post I described my creative hiatus. My lack of completing painting, drawing etc but I realized I have been cooking lots of yummy things!

Turkey has so many beautiful fresh fruits and vegetables. In Didim the pazaar happens every Saturday and gives so much to work with especially in the summer months. Everything is seasonal and grown in Turkey except the Chiquita bananas.

Cooking here takes creativity because I don't have all the ingredients for my recipes but it has definitely caused me to become more in touch with the food and flavors. Instead of just following the recipe I improvise alot!

My new favorite website is Jamie Oliver's, The cute English "naked chef".

Anyone know of any other great cooking sites?

Handmade...

2009-08-20T12:03:00.000-07:00

Yes, I have been writing. That is something creative at least...yes, I have the excuse of very hot and very pregnant but it has been over a year since I made something I really loved...completed something. Time to get in gear! Stop the excuses!

I decided I would post some old work to get the juices flowing until I create something new. I need to touch, to feel, to think, to create again! I graduated with an art degree for goodness sake!

The above is a tapestry I made while attending Mimar Sinan Universitesi in Istanbul. It from a photograph of my husband's and my feet on a ferry trip coming back from the Princess Islands in Istanbul. Great day; love, bicycles, ferries...

I have been quite inspired by two creative blogging sisters, one at The light garden and the other at eighty days design who both sell their work along with tons of other talented artists creating beautiful handmade items at Etsy:Your place to buy and sell all things handmade!

I do miss all my materials back in MN! My good godmother is storing them in her basement awaiting our return; my sewing machine, big tackle box of beads, book making materials, nice paper, pencils, pastels, a whole college career's work etc. etc.

As Verity at thelightgarden was musing it far more difficult to find materials in Turkey but especially in Didim! But people make things with all sorts of materials though so another part of the creative process! Recently I've been reading about several women in many countries, Turkey included creating and selling hand bags out of plastic garbage.

My sweet husband did find me an easel, few canvases and acrylics. He brought it home stuffed in the little Volkswagen to surprise me, wooden legs sticking out the windows! He is very supportive. He calls me, "my Art" and I just don't ever want to correct him to- my artist:)

Here is my new favorite piece of handmade! Our quilted elephant bedspread that I found at the pazaar! The pazaar is packed with amazing fruits and vegetables but unfortunately the rest is mainly cheap plastic crap and fake "Prada" and "Adidas"...But I spyed this beauty and look forward to adding more to our room along the theme! Turkey has a rich history of handmade.

A painter is coming on Monday to repaint the ceilings; the cement houses hold moisture and has caused the paint to flake all over the floor daily, although we painted a few months ago???? Not good for our beautiful (almost here) baby or us but after that I can finally officially set up my tiny studio!!!!!!

Write about creative...be creative!

Big top in Didim!

2009-08-19T23:37:00.000-07:00

This wasn't Barnum and Baileys Big Top nor Cirque de Soleil...it was...Uluslararası Avrasya Sirk- The International Eurasian Circus. The performers were from Mongolia and it's bordering countries East of Turkey, south of Russia but before China. I read about it in the local paper and was eager to go. There is just something so magical and yet so scary about circuses. This one didn't disappoint on either level, ghetto fabulous for sure!!! I had initial fears there might be old mistreated animals but thankfully just enthusiastic performers.

It was also an opportunity to use our new Nikon D60 Camera. I still needs lots of practice and a lesson or six. What setting for the best photos at night? Also when there is lots of action...performers flipping around? Advice is very welcome!

We were some of the first there...front row chair baby, 15TL compared to 5TL for the backless stools farther back. My pregnant self was feeling fortunate for the backrest on my plastic chair! The above photo is an example of that scarier side of the circus. You had to pay 5TL to ride up and then come back down on that little swinging chair in the middle of the big top. The kids that rode had a look of fear rather than excitement! I am definitely one for adventure but it looked quite precarious even for me!

Actually, the whole circus initially looked quite dubious and seemed to age as we waited for the show to start! It conjured up images and nostalgia for the old circuses of the 1930's America with their freak shows and claims of "the greatest show on earth". This train of thought was broken by the pre-show mix of music they were playing, the Peurto Rican Regatone song, Gasolina! Yeah holla! Shout out to my girl, Aly(tried to text you:)

It was one of those international moments when I remember how small this big world is getting; me an American, 9 months pregnant with my Turkish husband in Turkey watching a Mongloian circus and listening to Puerto Rican Regatone surrounded by a crowd of Turkish covered women and English holiday makers.

Our nephew came with great enthusiasm for it was his first time at a circus. He was slightly nervous about the clowns but he did great.

Then the lights dimmed, the song switched and the performers popped out from behind the thick red plastic curtain. Their energy winding us all up, there costumes shocks of florescent polyester, heads bopping curly clown wigs. Running, dancing, clapping, smiling, cartwheeling, jump roping balls of energy! The show had begun...

They had it all(except for aging or mistreated animals which I was glad for!). Next was an aging acrobat who twisted by her teeth high in the sky. This act was impressive and during her performance she was all smiles and showmanship but I later saw her selling clown noses and hats and the smile was gone...not happy with that new job. There were audience participation pieces, a guy balancing several stacks of glasses(my hubby was unimpressed by this one), contortionist twin like team (very impressive), comic clown relief, a strong man with his pretty entourage, a trapeze girl wrapped in ribbon, tumbling men holding amazing poses, a magic act, a tight rope show...

hula hupper, fire throwers and one eater(we were a little nervous at this part honestly...spitting flammable fluids...remember we were ringside) with two big boas. It was a great little ghetto fabulous circus, a little rough around the edges but packed with lots of talent!

I kept wondering how the performers came into that life? The acrobats of the group seemed like possibly family with one coach/dad type figure? Were they born into the circus life? I guess I will never know...

The Office

2009-08-18T03:39:00.000-07:00

I am so happy that channel 2- Comedy max on digiturk started playing my favorite show, The Office! They play two episodes back to back! My husband likes to watch it with me but not for the actual show which I don't think the sarcasm or subtleties translate over into Turkish but to hear my loud laugh...so funny!!!!! The little things I miss...but this no more!

Our Gezgin Cafe in Sahte Cennet

2009-08-14T03:45:00.000-07:00

We have slowly been adding to our family owned and operated Gezgin Cafe, Traveler's cafe since we opened last October. We are located in Sahte Cennet area between Didim and Akbük. You just follow the big road running parrellel to the sea that takes you from Didim to Akbük. Follow the "Y" to the right, continuing down the road past Uslu sitesi, past Çamkent Sitesi, go right again at the next "Y" and past Adnan Menderes Universitesi. There will be a strip of cafes. We are the 4th one down...keep a look out for our blue direction pointer! It is before the big Club Sahte Cennet.

We still have lots of Turkish and English books and magazines as well as games; Monopoly, Uno, Jenga, lots of Tavla(backgammon) of course and more! We recently purchased new, even comfier white cushioned benches with tables. Come in and relax! We are open all year but the garden is the place to be at this time of the year!

Here is our bar...the Efes draft is always cold and to give it that extra chill we have frosted mugs ready in the freezer! We also have bottled beer, Efes and Miller light if you prefer. We have a cappuccino machine also ready to make espressos, lattes and cappuccinos. We have a full bar with vodka, gin, whiskey, tequila and scotch. A full array of mixers; red bull, soda, fruit juices and colas. Things for the kiddies too...

We have gourmet Carte d'Or ice cream. The flavors are always changing and everyone has their favorite; walnut, pistachio, lemon, Mulberry, Strawberry, cappuccino, chocolate to name a few!

Lots of hammocks, big pillows, lounge chairs and benches for relaxing or just taking a break from swimming!

Our beach is perfect for swimming! The water is very shallow, calm and clean! It is nice break from Altinkum because it is not so crowded, which I love! Kids welcome also!

Also we have the best trees on the block. My favorite is the beautiful pine tree on the left. A wonderful natural umbrella from the hot sun. We have a sound system out under the trees with relaxing music during the day for sun lounging and snacking then more up-beat music at night...

Good for a little dancing under the pine tree!

Night is the best to be outside in the summer! The weather is perfect right next to the sea! Relax, chat, and have a cocktail with your friends! We love all sizes of groups. We have had sünnets, birthdays, anniversaries and can accommodate any parties you would like! I am always checking my email so leave your contact info or call the cafe directly...I will write the info at the end.

Lots of fun to be had! Come visit us at Our Gezgin Cafe in Sahte Cennet...

Fevzipaşa mah. Cennet cad. No:7/35
Didim/ Aydin

Tel: 0.256.846.2218

Check my blog's labels on the right for "Our Gezgin Cafe" to read more about our remodeling story! My husband and I worked really hard with lots of help and some funny stories!

Food pictures to come later! We have homemade Köfte(meatballs) with chips(french fries), Gözleme(Turkish crepes) with cheese or potatoes inside, Töst (grilled cheese sandwiches) and Turkish kavaltı(breakfast with tomatoes, cucumbers, olives, cheese, an egg, bread and jam)

"Have you seen my rose-tinted glasses?"

2009-08-09T06:44:00.000-07:00

Hubby and I went on a little adventure yesterday to Kuşadasi to visit some friends. We toured in our new to us- used Suzuki Samurai(yes friends so similar to my old tracker just white instead of pink). We nicknamed it Kangaroo because it bounces so much...our unborn child was not happy about this! Don't ride in bouncy cars for an extended period of time when you are 8 plus months pregnant- not ok! But we made it safely back with the help of several breaks and no premature labor thank goodness!

In Turkey gas(petrol) is about 3TL per LITER. Which means there are 3.785411 liters per Gallon in USA and 4.54609 liters per gallon from UK. So 3TL x 3.785411= 11.36TL per gallon / dollar exchange rate of $1.4 = $8.11 per gallon. So my darling Americans when u get sad or frustrated by gas prices just remember the rest of the world has it much more expensive! So people explore other methods like Tüplu, natural gas to run the car. Our little samurai has a black cylinder in the trunk where you fill it with natural gas and it only costs 1.68TL per Liter. I was initially worried about the safety of this method but my father assured me it is a great developing technology, our Tüplu araba.

Also my most recent column is out from Voices newspaper. My search to find balance between my love and dislike of everything Turkish in "HAVE YOU SEEN MY ROSE-TINTED GLASSES?"

P.S. I have changed my site address from www.ohhhsweetturkey.blogspot.com to just www.ohhhsweeturkey.com. So for those of you who have this site bookmarked you might want to modify it- thanks for reading!

Deniz Börülcesi= Aegean seaweed

2009-08-08T05:32:00.000-07:00

This is a delicious treat, Deniz Börülcesi! A seaweed named glaswort when I translate to English through Tureng online Turkish/English dictionary.

You boil it until soft. Drain but save a little of the water. You then strip the fleshy green part from the branches. It is a bit of a tedious process but well worth it! Then combine the fleshy greens, the salty water from boiling, olive oil and lemon. Great side dish especially for fish but great on it's own too!

Also congrats to my darling little brother and dear friend on their wedding! Wish we were there and wish you all the love in the world! Brazil 2010 though!

Birthing in Turkey update...

2009-08-04T03:40:00.000-07:00

Thanks to all who have commented and validated my birthing fears from the previous post. It means a lot to read the comments of encouragement and advice.

My fears have lessened though. We toured the local hospital. Although it is not glamorous at all. It is clean. One of the midwives gave us a tour. Although she doesn't speak English she seemed nice enough. I saw the room where you start laboring in. I am going to take the advice to labor at home as long as possible! It is small with two beds but there is a bath tub in the bathroom which I was excited about and a non-Turkish toilet!!! There may be another laboring women in there with me or may not depending on timing of course. I made sure to ask if I was allowed to move around if I wanted. Midwife said that was fine.

When you fully go into labor you are moved to another big open room. It has a big yellow chair with stirrups(reminded me slightly of a torture chair but trying not to think like that). I am a little nervous because she said there is no pain medicine available until after the birth. But my mom said she didn't have any and if she can do it so can I-hopefully(errr)!

When the baby comes she will be kept with me which is really important to me. After the baby is born together you are moved to a third room with several beds and watched for 6 hours. Your husband is allowed in for this.

Then as long as everything has gone well and you and baby dear are healthy you are moved to a private room where you, your husband and new baby can sleep the night and again as long as everything looks good you go home the next day.

We asked the midwife if my husband could be there for the birth and she said it was the doctors decision. So we went back down to see my doctor. She approved that my husband could come in for the delivery and possibly my mother-in-law also!!! Thank goodness!!!!!!!! I am not sure if it was the previous balling that did it or what? She really has been a good doc though. She has a very modern private practice it is just the State Hospital that leaves something to be desired!

For me this equaled relief. I was ready to go searching long and hard but I think it will be ok? Even if the hospital isn't very glamorous as I said at least I will have some support through the ordeal.

This whole experience so far has brought up so many questions?

Why wouldn't men be allowed in? Actually anyone else at all?

I ASSUMED it was considering this is a predominantly Muslim country and since it is a shared birthing room that men wouldn't be able to see someone that wasn't their wife or something?

But my husband said it is because recently in Turkey there have been a few outbreaks in hospitals that lead to infant deaths. Here is one article from Daily Zaman...one outbreak in Bursa.

Neither reasons are very comforting...

Also for the record this rule isn't at every hospital across Turkey but my husband reminds me that we live in a village, more like a resort town, but anyways it is small. In Istanbul or another big city there are more options.

I think it also has to do with expectations. Maybe Turkish women don't expect their husbands to be there. They just assume the doctor knows what is going on? I have been reading that Turkey has a bad reputation for a very mechanical births and quick to give cesareans. But as America did for years but then women started wanting more from their birthing experience.

Maybe the doctors don't necessarily want frantic husbands in the room who are worried about their wives being in so much pain especially since there are soooo few birthing classes so people haven't been educated on how to deal with the pain, the breathing, the process, how to help and not just be in the way?

I have thought about going to Bodrum for the birth to Özel Bodrum Hastanesi. I have an English friend here who chose that hospital and feels good about it. They have an English nurse thereö Sarah Aslanç My husband is worried that he wouldn't be able to drive me there in time and then we would have the baby in the car and would have to name her Bodrum...he's funny:)

But we have been trying to self educate and now he realizes that laboring takes a long time.

I have been directed to a few resources for natural birth/classes/doula type things in Turkey...

For one there is a yahoo health forum group...naturalbirthturkey

There is one American Doula who sounds wonderful named Julia Steils who I wish I could meet with but we are too far from Istanbul. Her site is http://www.fullcirclehealing.org.

The other is a Turkish Doctor named Dr. Hakan Çoker who practices out of Maramaris,teaching lamaze which is also a bit far for us but i am waiting to hear back from him if he has some weekend classes. His site is www.dogaldogum.com.

If that doesn't work I am going to try to get a lamaze video from Amazon or something...but the mail always takes so long??? What to do?

For now I am feeling better and again thanks for the advice and support...

More to come...she will be here so soon!

boat trips...

2009-07-29T09:05:00.001-07:00

One thing I love about Turkey in the summer are the boat trips you can take. Turkey is in a unique geographic position where it is surrounded by three seas. Kara deniz(black sea to the north, Ege deniz(aegean sea) to the west and Ak Deniz (Mediterranean Sea) to the south. Most seaside cities have a daily boat trip or tons. The photo above was taken from the Polis Kamp beach in Didim and as you can see there are various sizes and adventures for your liking. Some are for relaxing, swimming, and site seeing others are loud party tours, others scuba diving and you can also rent private boats for a day or several days to tour the coasts. All depending from which city you start from. We have gone on ones before from Kaş, another in Fethiye.

Most recently a scuba diving trip out of Bodrum.

My favorite are the wooden sail boats, pirate ships. My husband and I dream of having one...some day! Family- when you all come some day- it will happen we can rent one for a few days and sail around the coast. Also to "my girls" I plan to do this with you all some day too!

My cute hubby getting ready for his first dive.

Learning...

Beautiful secluded coastlines.

Too pregnant to scuba dive but enjoying the ride.

Birth...different vs. same

2009-07-24T12:29:00.000-07:00

When I travel I embrace the differences I find in a culture. A different way of doing things, making things, different food, and ideas. I can honestly say I have been saddened at times to find some big foreign cities looking a little to much like America but the part America I don't care for either with strip malls and fast food joints.

But the longer I live abroad the more of a treat it is to drink an OCCASIONAL Starbucks or order a Mcdonald's cheeseburger...the familiar...

We went to the doctor yesterday. We had our ultrasound and got to see our little one. The doctor said she is looking really healthy and tall, inşallah! I am feeling good and so is my husband so I know this is what is important but...

About a month ago I asked our doctor about hospitals and informed her I want a natural birth as long as everything is going well. She said the local Didim hospital was fine for natural births and that we had plenty of time to think about all that(still three months at the time). So we just touched on it lightly then.

Well we went yesterday(a month later) and I asked again about the hospital. She started to describe it...

One room you labor in with two beds and maybe you are alone or maybe another women is laboring in there with you...ok...then she proceeds to say that no one is allowed in the room- especially men- meaning even my husband can't come in...ok...fight back the tears emily...She said I would be in the room by myself with a mid-wife who speaks only Turkish occasionally being checked on by her, my doctor(who speaks English and has been really good so far for the record). After I labor the baby out(which can take several hours), basically by myself with no laboring partner which is typical in America-a partner, I am then watched for 6 hours and then moved to my private room where my husband can come in finally with other family....

I couldn't hold them back anymore! Balling hysterically! This news brought visions of myself in an impersonal, inhospitable concrete room since all buildings are made of concrete around here-the paint chipping away-as it often does. The room is hot in temperature most likely since "we"(meaning they) wouldn't want me or the baby to get sick- remember there is this fear of the cold in this culture. Me-alone except for a strange mid-wife who only speaks Turkish to hold my hand and smile at me. All while confined to the bed and not allowed to move(even though I want to be moving and changing positions alot) until I painfully pop my first child out all while some other Turkish lady lay laboring next to me. All with just a Turkish toilet in the hall to use. And I can only see my husband and in-laws 6 hours after the whole ordeal. No husband or support to swear at, to massage me, to get me cold water, to make me laugh when I want to cry. Or to speak English with!

This is all still two months away. I know I am partially just being a hormonal pregnant woman and picturing the worst but partially this sounds awful and like nightmare not a beautiful birthing experience. I also just get sad some days that I am having our child miles away from my family and my mom and sister can't come here anymore even though it is for very important reasons. Although my dear friend and her mother have offered to come...but will they be allowed in?

I know that people have been having babies for millions of years under much less glamorous circumstances but I am just scared. It is my first baby, far from home and my only real family/support here, my husband is not allowed next to me. I just want to feel comfortable and at least slightly in control of the whole situation.

In USA, and England I know for sure, it is common for you and your labor partner(most likely your husband) to go through birthing classes together where you learn what to expect for the most part. How to breath through the contractions, how your partner can help you through them with holding techniques, coaching and massage. Your partner is always allowed in the room with you. Also most people write a birthing plan- a letter stating their wants and needs for the birth. It can be looked at as a beautiful bonding experience instead of just lonely painful one while my husband smokes cigarettes outside unaware of what is happening.

In Turkey they have nothing like this. No preparatory classes. Ok so rarely. I wonder if this is why so many of the women I have talked to chose cesarean sections over natural births-FEAR-fear of the unknown?

As I balled in the doctors office my doctor assured me several times she would help me but how exactly? She also reminded me that I speak Turkish- but not that well I reminded her! My husband and my mother-in-law both assured me they would find a way into the room by contacting the head of the hospital or stealing doctors lab coats to sneak in. I know they will do it too:)

I know it will all get worked out. Our baby will come. I need to build myself up and hold strong to what I want though!

We are going to go see the hospital next week so I can actually picture myself in the "dreaded room". Does my baby stay with me after she is born? This is important to me. Also if I still don't feel comfortable with it all we will have to find a different hospital.

There I wrote it down, I released it, Now I need to move forward and know my baby will be coming soon whether I love my laboring situation or not.

The most important is that she is healthy. She is moving right now as I sit still feverishly typing this all out:)

And to relate it back to the top...different is good. I still love and appreciate the differences between Turkish life and my American life but this is one time I want Starbucks to come to me or what ever -I want the same- The familiar- -how I always imagined it-I want my birthing classes, my husband informed and with me at the birth. Empowerment. Deep breathes!

We are getting her room ready!

Column: Eskişehir and helping hands...

2009-07-22T02:54:00.000-07:00

This is one of the painted domed ceilings of a mosque in the Odun Pazarı, old part of Eskişehir.

Another of my columns, A JOURNEY WITHIN came out through Voices Altinkum Newspaper here in Didim.

In this story I reminisce about first coming to Eskişehir and the people that helped us along the way.

ESKIŞEHIR means old city in Turkish but is actually known as a very modern, young person’s city or student city because of the two large universities located there, Anadolu Üniversitesi and Ozmangazi Üniversitesi. It is this Anatolian city located between İstanbul and Ankara where I spent my first months in Turkey through my student exchange in 2007.

The keeper of the Korans(not the man I speak about in my article.)

Sweat, Tears and the Sea

2009-07-21T06:32:00.000-07:00

I feel as if there is a giant blow dryer on high pointed at Turkey between the hours of 12 and 4 o'clock! Hot wind...I sweat as I sit trying not to move or even think somedays. Hot sun!

I look out my window...brown dry weeds except next to the houses which have gorgeous pops of pink puffy bougainvillea flowers and well tended greens. I wipe my brow.

Through my gauzy white curtains I see the piles of house rubble that blocks my view and wonder if the city will ever come take it? Didim has a big problem of illegal dumping especially from construction(another story though). Chug a glass of cold water...

I look at my dog. She is too hot to eat, too hot to bark, she just sleeps and pants heavily, noisily.

I look down at my belly. Wonder how my growing daughter inside is doing. If she will be like her mother(crazy in the heat) or her father(who much prefers hot over cold). I wipe the sweat. Taste the salt.

I look past the dry brown dirt, the dead weeds, the one abandoned house and then I see it...the beautiful blue Aegean sea. REFRESHES ME! We are so fortunate to be next to the sea.

As my belly grows my body feels so heavy. My fingers swell. I had to take my wedding ring off. My feet pound with presser.

I remember the blue beautiful water from my window and rush to get my suit on!

I slowly waddle down to the beach, my pregnant duck walk as my husband calls it. Throw my stuff down and run to the water!

Immediately the cold water calms me, relieves my heat induced surliness, my feet throb and cramp until they get used to the water. I dive in fully...

Ahhhh...cold. I feel light for now, I feel free, my movements open. My hips can bend. I can actually be on my back(which you can't do when u are pregnant only sleep on your sides).

I taste the salty sea, it cleanses me.

I float on my back, light and relaxed. I twirl my arms back stroking, loosening up my joints and muscles. I take deep breaths like what I have learned from practicing yoga. I think of my mom whenever I back stroke...she always loves this at the cabin, on the lake.

My mind opens as my body does. I am free, I am light, I am blessed. I think about our fathers, my husbands and mine, the cancer. The change. I hold my breath and plunge back down into the sea.

Grasp for air. Look up at the blue sky that reflects down on the clear water making it appear blue- MAVI in Turkish. Some days dark blue, others light, Turquoise, green or Grey...so beautiful. I know our baby loves the swimming.

I think about the Pacific Ocean off the California coast. How different that water is than this; colder, darker, more wild. How different my life was there.

As I float I am still, I close my eyes and listen, listen to my own breath under water, I wonder if this is what my breath sounds like to my baby. I wonder if that is why I get nostalgic from listening to my mother breath. I listen to the waves, the birds, the muffled sounds underwater. I think of whales and dolphins.

I float...I thinking of fun cabin times on old Tractor tires. Family

I open my eyes and see my hands wading, my belly, my feet and then the bottom of the sea. The water is so clear. I think of my father when we were little. When I would put my foot in his hands and he would throw me high in the sky and I would plunge back down into the lake water, loving every second!

The sun is starting to set. The air is cooling. My husband swims out to me.

I love the sea.

“The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea” -Isak Dinesen-

Halalar geldi...Aunties came...

2009-07-12T03:09:00.000-07:00

My father-in-law is the oldest of five sisters. They all grew up in Adıyaman in the East of Turkey. My father-in-law left for the "big city", İstanbul when he was 18 never to return to live but his sisters stayed raising their families there. Four of the five sisters just took an 24 hour bus ride across Turkey to visit their ailing "Abi"(term for an older brother). In Turkish paternal aunt is hala where maternal aunt is teyze. As my husband says, "They are 100% east Turkey" meaning the East is much more conservative dress, most woman cover their heads regardless of how devote they practice. They have a little different accent too. I hope to see this other side of Turkey in the future!

They have been making delicious dishes from the Adıyaman region such as içli köfte(translates something like inside meatballs) in the photos. The aunties often times sit spread out on the floor on a blanket used for cooking and prepare it there in big circular tins. Lots of Bulgar wheat is used just as in another one of my favorite Adıyaman dishes çiğ köfte!

Prior to these photos they had prepared a mixture of beef, onions and yummy spices to be the filling in these "pockets". The outer shell mixture felt a little like working with clay. The sisters worked as a team taking turns kneading together fine ground Bulgar wheat, ground beef, red pepper flakes, oil and other spices adding water here and there for the right consistency. Then when they felt satisfied two started the "pockets" then the other two filled them with the pre-made beef and onion mixture and sealed them closed to be the shape on the left of the upper photo...what shape would you call that? Anyone?

They got me in there trying to form these little things. I guess it is tradition that a kaynana(mother-in-law) would start the pocket then the gelin(bride or son's wife) would fill and close it. Close the köfte, close the mouth...hehe kinda funny.

When the içli köfte are assembled they are fried in vegetable oil. How can they not be delicious!!! They definitely were! We ate them while drinking ayran a very popular drink, basically watered down yogurt. It took me a while to like it but now I think it's great.

Hot! Hot! and did I mention...

2009-07-10T04:39:00.000-07:00

...it is Hot and i am 7 months pregnant! I have been a bad little blogger with so much time between my last posts but I am ready to begin again. Back in Turkey after a wonderful trip to Minnesota, soaked up lots of family time and managed a quick trip to the old stomping ground, San Diego to see my Girls. Back in Turkey we moved into our new house! Yeah our own house, our own space, my own kitchen, our own closet to hang up my clothes and kissed my suitcases goodbye for a while. It's been a few years since I can honestly say "my house" or should I say "our house" with my hubby and our baby girl on the way! As my friend pointed out I am happily nesting.

We got our internet hooked up after weeks of "tomorrow" something like how it was always "ten days later" before our house was going to be ready but are now happily in it 2 months later. I think the equation is
A(amount of time said) x 6 + persistence + patience = you will receive your desired z

And of course "Burası Türkiye"

The internet was supposed to come "tomorrow" for about two weeks with my husband trying very hard, calling daily because he knew his very large, very pregnant and easily irritated hot wife(yes that's me) really wanted the internet connection to connect to her peeps across the ocean. Also for blogging and writing of course.

My third column, A Journey Within came out through Voices Newspaper. This one is about my attempts to make Turkey feel like "home."

One thing about living abroad, anywhere except the USA(and randomly Liberia and Burma) is that countries use the metric system of measurements and Celsius temperature measurement. It is almost easier that it doesn't immediately register for me that 37 degrees Celsius means 99 degrees Fahrenheit. It doesn't sting quite as hard or should I say sweat quite as much? But now I know...everyday for about 2 months it is almost 100 + degrees Fahrenheit. Great.

My husband and I have a debate...is it worse to be really hot? or really cold? Me coming from the really cold, Minnesota can get to below zero F Temperatures thinks it is worse to be really hot but imagine my Turk who has lived every summer in this constant heat and never experienced a Minnesota winter thinks it is worse to be really cold...Funny just what you are used to...

In Turkey also there is this fear of the cold as I have briefly written before. The all around mentality is the dreaded cold is what makes you sick. So you can only drink cold water and eat ice cream when the temperature have reached ridiculously hot. Where I am coming from a culture where there is ice in every drink year round. My husband got me a fan and installed A/C (Klima) in our room for me but he doesn't like it. So I sleep on the side of the bed with the fan blasting and no blanket and he sleeps on the fanless side with a blanket on. Also we had the A/C on last night and he would turn it off in the night then I would turn it back on. I know that A/C isn't the best for you all the time but sometimes is so necessary. Also my very dear mother-in-law is calling us telling us to not sleep with the fan on because we will get sick. I have slept with the fan on every summer of my whole life and not been sick from it.

I am a little worried when my baby comes in-laws are going to make me bundle her up to the point of me being hot just looking at her and sometimes I wonder how these little babushka babies can even breath they are under so many layers. On the Turkish airlines flight back from USA to Turkey the plane was soooo hot and my Turkish seat neighbor and I asked if we could turn down the heat but I was informed, NO because there were three babies in the front row. OMG! I can understand not going outside with a wet head and keeping babies warm of course but it is just a whole other level here. Also sweating is seen as bad because as you cool off you are wet and then get sick from the cold again. My nephew is not allowed to sweat...he is changed immediately! I think sweating is good. It cleans your body and means your heart rate went up. Keeps your insides heated up.

Anyone relate?

Anyways all this talk of hot and cold reminds me how blessed we are to be in walking distance to the Aegean Sea. It really is gorgeous. The deep varied hues of blue, so clear and refreshing. We usually don't go swimming until after 3 or later because the sun rays are so powerful. The beach is the busiest from this time until sunset.

Swimming has been so amazing on my pregnant body. My feet get swollen and pulse from the heat and my weight and then I go swimming for an hour and feel weightless. I can float on my back which is nice because I can't lay on my back anymore for pressure on the baby. I think I am going to go swimming now...

In Minnesota...

2009-06-02T21:19:00.000-07:00

This beautiful bouquet was made by my darling mother who used lots of good things that have sprung up after the long Minnesota winters. She used rhubarb flowers(I will explain rhubarb and it's deliciousness in a post soon), honeysuckle and some grape vines all inside a cool old glass jar. It was perfect on the picnic table for our BBQ we had! I love the green lawn in the background too! Lots of love for my home town!

I have been in USA for about three weeks now between Minnesota and San Diego, California. Busy times and have been neglecting my blog even though I have lots to write about! I really want to make more time soon!

In the mean time my second column, A Journey Within came out last week through Didim/Altinkum's local English newspaper, Voices. It is a continuation of my first column, the initial experiences/reactions to my first days inside Turkey. Hope you enjoy!

My column...

2009-05-14T05:41:00.000-07:00

I recently received an opportunity to write a column for Didim/Altinkum's local English newspaper, Voices. I am excited to share my experiences with a wider audience and hope you enjoy...

A JOURNEY WITHIN, "THIS is the enduring story of an American woman’s temporary infatuation with Turkey that led to an enduring connection to this foreign land. Emily begins her trek from her Minnesota roots to the cusp of the Aegean Sea to Fevzı Paşa, near Akbük."

momma...

2009-05-11T12:48:00.000-07:00

This Mother's day I was in route back to the States to start my month long stint with family and friends. Simply because I miss them terribly but also so they could see my growing belly.

My mother informed me she was going to be mushroom hunting for morels that day(the above wild mushroom) and apologized for not picking me up at the airport. (I was greeted by a smiling father, beautiful sister and darling brother-in-law).

There was no need for apologizes momma! I was so happy to know that my mother was doing something she truly loves and excites her. She was doing something for herself which thank goodness she still knows how to do after having four kids who she so selflessly raised and nurtured! (She got quite the stash of morels as you can see!)

The next day my other sister called...my youngest one who is graduating from college and getting ready for some big changes in her life. She was crying, which is completely normal, as she is leaving her city, school, job and friends of four years. She was happy her big sis made it home safe but really just wanted to know where mom was...mom was at work and I told her to call her there. I could have been upset with my sister here. Her wanting to cut it short with her big sis who lives so far away but no...I totally understood, she just needed to talk to her momma!

Living abroad is not always easy. I love my husband and my in-laws but some days are so hard and guess who I call(skype)? That's right my mom. She never tells me to come home even if she misses me too. She just listens, reassures me, and reminds me of how blessed I truly am. There is a calm in her voice even her breath(I am a dork and always cry when she hugs me goodbye back to Turkey but not from her hug from the sound of her breathing:)

Mom, thank you for everything, thank you for reading to us as children, packing our lunches everyday of school, being our biggest fans, teaching us the importance of family but also having giving us a sense of independence, helping us learn to appreciate life and all we have and can give! Oh there is so much more and I hope I can be as good a mom to our girl as you have been to me. But I know I can always call my momma!

Here is a hilarious sound bite from National public radio's Scott Simon who "muses on the typical day for his wife--a full time mother who "doesn't work""

Wow...I am about to embark on that adventure!

"No but of course yes"

2009-04-29T03:57:00.000-07:00

This is a photo of the always impressive Sultanahmet Camii or The Blue Mosque in Istanbul. The inside is completely tiled with Blue Iznik tiles hence the English name. Must see. We were in Istanbul a few weeks ago...

We were sitting in Traffic as you often do in Istanbul when I noticed all over the taxis were the no smoking signs, you know, the cigarette with the big red circle around it and a slash through it, pretty universal. Then I also noticed the taxi driver was smoking? Hmmm? So I asked my husband if you can smoke in Taxis? He replied, "No but of course yes." This along with "Burası Türkiye" is another one of my new favorite slogans for my Turkish experience that can probably be applied to other situations too.

It seems that a HUGE majority of the population smoke here. It is a very social culture, people always seem to have time to sit together, drink tea or coffee and smoke cigarettes while chatting. I enjoy it all very much except the everyone smoking part. I think most Turks are quite oblivious to the idea of second hand smoke and the awareness of whose air space they are invading with their smoke. When I first came to Turkey a few years ago you could smoke everywhere; schools, public buildings etc. Now those spaces have been banned and you have to pay a fine if someone catches you(that's the trick... if someone catches you or cares enough or has the authority to even fine you) but still every bar, cafe, restaurant and outdoor space is open to smoking.

Since I lived in San Diego, California it was always been a completely smoke free(indoors) state. When I would go back to Minnesota and go to the bars where smoking wasn't banned at the time I realized how it permeates your skin, hair, lungs etc. and now really appreciate that they passed the law to ban smoking inside. They are supposed to impose a similar law here in Turkey in July so you can't smoke in bars anymore. This law keeps being pushed back to a later time and I wonder how it will go over this July? A ban or the "No, but of course yes"? Slow changes I wonder? Please just be aware of your second hand smoke!

We went to Bursa a year or two ago for my husband's work. It was a fair at one of the universities with bands, cotton candy and other fair food, pop the balloon games, a few rides, for the most part usual fair activities until I noticed the above game, "Ring-a-round a ciggy pack". If you can throw a ring around the cigarette pack it is yours. It made me laugh and I had to take a pic. I think my husband probably played a few rounds actually. The love/addiction to cigarettes is no joke especially when it is so culturally accepted. We'll see... "No but of course yes????"

The story of the three idiots and the sweet talkers...

2009-04-27T06:43:00.000-07:00

We went to Izmir, the "big city" for the day to go to IKEA and a few other shops. We sipped our Starbucks on the boardwalk, I admit i miss Starbucks sometimes. This lady came by selling red roses. She had a few good lines about this and that...for your lady...blah blah...she was a sweet talker though. She got a few lira from us in exchange for the red rose that was going to die in the car on our two hour drive back down to Didim, oh well. She kept sweet talking, got a cigarette out of my husband...some more sweet talking(again in Turkish so I only understood some but knew it was sweet)...then she has my husband's friend's hand and plops a few beans in it and starts reading his palm. Talking about life and love, counting and giving good blessings. Then she moves on to my husband. He was hesitant at first but hey it's fun even though I wish I understood it all. More sweet talking about life, love and then she takes away Nazars...

The above photo is a Turkısh eye that helps protect from evil eyes. Evil eyes and jealous thoughts people may have towards you are reflected if you have these blue Turkish eyes about, the protection. People are always pinning little blue eye beads on ones they love, especially babies. But the fortune teller said she would take away Ç's nazar for a mere and measly 20 Lira. Ha-ha so Ç and his friend both handed this sweet talking gypsy 20 TL each...40 total and we brushed it off for good luck, of course purification from nazars and this lady deserved it for here sweet talking skills. She proceeded to talk to us more how she is a Roman...I think this really is the gypsies all over Europe. Always transient and not in their original country of Romania. Normally with poor jobs living in shanties. Does anyone have extra info on these people? She continued to tell us about her father in jail, her two kids and her husband whose job is "treasure hunter" looking or should I say looting the ancient historical sites in search of gold. All throughout she had kind eyes, a bluish green. I had my big sunglasses on so she wanted to see my eyes to make sure I was OK, this American I am. She was a character for sure! Took another cigarette and went on her way to sweet talk the next...

Then grandma sweet talker came over...the mother that probably taught all these ladies "working the boardwalk" to sweet talk. She had seen the para(money) we had handed out. Instead she went to me...grabbed my hand and before I knew it my palm was being read even though I didn't know what she was saying my husband tried to translate best he could. Something about a key is coming soon(it's about time we get our house key I hope:)) and more blah blah and oh no...seems I have a huge nazar against me. Could be the pregnancy, could be her using my husband's love she knows she can get some money from him...20 lira nope not enough...she needs more to banish this huge nazar from me...but sorry sweet talking grandma...para yok...bitti...We had just given away far too much money in a short amount of time. Oh good for a story, "The three idiots and the sweet talkers". haha!

We proceeded to IKEA, to note a Swedish company, when Ç slams on the brakes because he sees a man selling Native American headdresses and bow and arrows on the side of the road. I snapped this pick of my hubby and his peace pipe but really just want to mention what an interesting global world we live in. I am an American married to a Turk in Turkey and we just bought Native American replica paraphernalia for our cafe that was made in Indonesia, that's why it was so cheap the man said...crazy...

Gezgin garden remodel...

2009-04-18T04:50:00.000-07:00

We have been working hard landscaping our Gezgin cafe's garden with the help of two gardener's and our beloved university student helpers. So far we added spruce? tree "fences" on both sides to really distinguish our area from the neighbors. They will look great once they grow in a bit.

My sister-in-law and I worked hard painting our picket fences and all the bricks around the garden beds. Now it seems to be more hurry up and wait. The pace is just different in this country. We are waiting for the gardener's to come back to plant a bunch of lemon trees around the corners and to bring the flowers for the beds. Hey, Master gardner's club...could you guys please fly out to give us some good advice...he he...if only it was closer huh? We are still trying to decide which carpenter to use to make new chairs, tables and benches. We are looking for new lights to border our area and lights to hang from our trees. I think we are going to put a small bar out under my favorite huge pine tree. It is going to be good we hope and of course the natural view of the sea is the real prize!!! Come and have a cold beer or a smoothie(I'm going to start making ice cream and fruit yummies for this hot weather)! Will post completed pics later...

Gezgin Cafe
Seaside bar and cafe
Fevsipaşa Mah.
Cennet Cad. No 28/A
Sahte Cennet/ Didim/ Aydin
Turkey

Tel: 0.256.846.2218

I have plans to make our website just need to figure out how first???? Any suggestions?

Winter showers have brought April flowers...

2009-04-17T03:53:00.000-07:00

The seasons in Didim are a bit different than the rhythm I an used to...April showers bring May flowers. There have been flowers popping up everywhere for weeks helped by the previously rainy winter season and all this sun we have been having. I am pretty sure the rain is finished and the temperature will escalate from here on out! I am going to be a hot pregnant momma...whew! The above tree is fabulous right now with it's playful pops of yellow puff balls. I like the light in this photo too. It was dusk and Çağlar and I were out for a nice romantic dinner :)...

One of my favorite passed times recently is walking Tequila and picking bouquets of flowers to stick anywhere people will let me. There is always some new bud or variety to notice. These I placed on the cafe tables outside. I think it is a welcoming touch.

The wild poppies with there vibrant red hue and translucent paper like leaves still impress me every year! The grow all over the Aegean seaside this time of year. The above photo is from one of my husband and I's first road trips together two years ago(how time flys) through Ephesus historical site and after it was on to meet his parents for the first time. The funny thing was my hair had streaks of red about as vibrant as those poppies from my first encounter with a Turkish hair dresser, (seriously funny other story!), but his parents still welcomed me, the punk rock American girl with open arms.

Burası Türkiye...

2009-04-06T03:43:00.000-07:00

This is Turkey...

I had to drive my in-laws to a neighboring city of Aydin where my father-in-law has been receiving treatments for the cancer he still doesn't know he has after 9 months. I think in the States that this unrevealed fact wouldn't be possible legally but his family has decided that to keep this man going, instead of worrying himself to death, that they just tell him he is receiving "treatments" and everything will be fine. But hey he;s alive with stage 4 lung cancer that spread to his brain so they might be on to something here?? But I think I would want to know, anyways. Our extended family has become somewhat of a Broadway play. I think he just trusts his family to do the right thing for him and he just goes along. My mother-in-law has been the most impressive lead/supporting actress in this "play" and seriously deserves an Oscar or Tony, whatever. She is always first inside talking to the doctors and nurses getting him where he needs to be and reflecting comments that include the word cancer and making sure that the other "actors/nurses/doctors" know that they in fact need to become actors and play their role accordingly around the "C" word. Oh the interesting dynamics...

As my mother-in-law was inside the hospital taking care of papers, future appointments and check-in for her husband of 32 years. Father-in-law and I went to get some çorba and çay, soup and tea. As we were sitting inside on our third cup of tea attempting to communicate with my still flawed Turkish and he was "shooting the shit" with the restaurant workers as he LOVES to do(with anyone!) we wondered where mother-in-law is because we were supposed to be at the doctors appointment an hour ago??? When m-i-l calls and says the doctors still hasn't shown up for the day and no one knows when he will be in. Well I am thinking what the heck...this is not very professional...this would never happen in...blah blah when the restaurant manager says, "Burası Türkiye!(This is Turkey)" And I just start cracking up so loud(those of you that know me know my loud laugh can get really loud) because this simple statement(which I was stoked I could understand even) sums up so many things so beautifully and it was coming from a Turk not just a yobanci(foreigner like me) out to complain about the inefficiency.

Burası Türkiye is now my new "motto" for life here, frustrating and beautiful as it can be I am in a foreign land, Türkiye. Where things move at a different pace but family is important.

The above photo is our hopefully new house. It is getting remodeled with the new sun awnings being installed and painted, fresh paint inside and there was a promise of a new remodeled kitchen but... burası Türkiye and they ran out of money to do the kitchen. So now we are stuck possibly doing it ourselves, seriously the kitchen is the heart of the house! But this is our rented house not bought house so I don't want to put tons of money into it...ahhhhh but through my frustration my always positive husband assures me we can make it work...hopefully sooner than later!!!!! Hurry it up people!

Positives: the awnings will be beautiful and will help this summer to keep my hugely pregnant self cool and the views from the walk on roof are beautiful! And it is a decent ways away from other houses to help for our privacy and our puppies craziness!

We'll see...

recycling

2009-04-04T13:30:00.000-07:00

I have decided to start recycling at our house. Unlike the states there doesn't seem to be a pick-up service. I have heard rumors of one inside Didim city center and I saw a truck once from çevko but there aren't any specifics on their website. Recycling is not yet a routine in Turkish culture. I must say they reuse alot though such as plastic grocery store bags in the garbage cans.

I found the above recycling bins in the Migros supermarket so i plan to save my recycling and load it up in my car to take to town. I guess start small. Maybe after I can get my in-laws interested and eventually our cafe. I think I would need a pick up service for the cafe though.

Does anyone have any information regarding this? Ideas?

Happy birthday Çağlar!

2009-04-03T03:42:00.000-07:00

So I made some of my gram's chocolate crazy cake for a surprise...honestly it turned out just ok. I am not sure why? Different ingredients? I wasn't sure about the cocoa or the vinegear I used was grape vinegear? Or maybe I think I could have cooked it just a few minutes longer??? I'll consult my momma later...

My cute auntie gave me the recipe(thanks Janie) and then my dad scanned my mother's hand written recipe cards which I adore(also thanks mom and dad)!!!!The 8 hour time change can be really tough sometimes! That double frosting above is the best and I promise this recipe is good for those that try.

Either way it's my husband's birthday and he was of course gracious about my ok cake and reminded me that I am the best cookie maker(he hasn't had my dad's yet)...

He is so sweet.

Çağlar seni seviyorum!

Baby dear...

2009-03-31T11:15:00.000-07:00

Here is our most recent ultrasound. I know it is a little small and hard to make out but it is real!!! We are having a baby oh my goodness! I am now at 16 weeks and showing just barely. Our good doctor, who speaks English very well thank goodness, says everything looks normal and healthy, inşallah! In the ultrasound we can see the heart beating, hands, feet, spine etc...good luck making it out.

Thanks to my friend Ayberk for the technical help in posting this!

"fixed"

2009-03-29T14:28:00.000-07:00

We got our darling 11 month old spayed a few days ago. "fixed" is what they call it but she is so broken right now poor thing! Not a good term for it!

As most know from my earlier posts that Tequila's heat cycle was a nightmare filled with blood and lurking male dogs. Since we are expecting a baby of our own we decided we didn't need Tequila to have any of her own. Although it was hard especially for my husband we took her to the vet and had her uterus and eggs taken out. The above photo she is knocked out strapped to the operating table. It is major surgery and our puppy is moving pretty slowly lately. She seems confused why she can't run and jump and bark like she once did. Her eyes look sadder because she must be in pain. Hopefully she will heal quickly with lots of good nurses around her! Geçmiş olsen Tekila!

Learning a language...

2009-03-15T11:15:00.001-07:00

This photo is from a trip to the Black Sea coast, a remote spot close to Amasra and Bartin. Çok güzel!

A few years ago I decided to write one of those "Things to do before you die lists", or more positive way to think about it...What I want to do in my life. On the list I added "Learn a language" and now here I am living it...really forced to learn Turkish if I want to have a fulfilled life while living here and it is hard! I slowly learn more daily. As anyone who has tried to learn a language knows it is easier to understand more than to speak. I think I need to enroll in another course...

I found an interesting article in Today's Zaman by Charlotte Mcphereson, "Do you seem to be in a language rut?" The full article link HERE. Below is a description of what it is like to learn Turkish and a funny poem so you don't forget just how difficult English is...

Let's just briefly compare two languages: English and Turkish. The Turkish language is regular, with very few exceptions to the rules and only one irregular verb (the verb to be). The sentence construction is opposite to English, e.g. school to go I. Turkish uses agglutinative suffixes: endings added to a stem word to make a longer word. The English sentence "It appears that he said he would be unable to come" is just 2 words in Turkish! There are no grammatical genders. The pronouns he, she and it are all the same. In understanding the culture it is important to understand the special reported tense: a Turk will make a distinction between a fact which they know because they have witnessed it themselves and a piece of information which they have heard, or deduced, and are passing on to you secondhand or implied.

Turkish is a phonetic language, with every written letter being pronounced the same way no matter in which word it appears. The language displays vowel harmony. This means that the endings change so that if a word contains back vowels (a: undotted i-o-u) the ending will do the same, and if a word contains a front vowel (e: dotted i-o with an umlaut, u with an umlaut) the ending will do the same. This gives Turkish a melodic flow. The emphasis is on the last syllable, except for place names (second) and negatives (syllable before the negative).

The Turkish language has fewer words than English and is not rich in synonyms. Sometimes when an English speaker wants to express himself he may not find a word in Turkish that means the same (or his translator may struggle!).

How about English?

Why is English so hard?

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;

But the plural ox should be oxen, not oxes.

The one fowl is goose, but two are called geese;

Yet the plural for moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a whole lot of mice;

But the plural of house is houses not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,

Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

The cow in the plural may be cows or kine,

But the plural of vow is vows, not vine.

And I speak of a foot and you show me your feet,

But I give you a boot -- would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,

Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

If the singular is this and the plural is these,

Should the plural of kiss be nicknamed kese?

Then one may be that, and three may be those,

Yet the plural of hat would never be hose.

We speak of a brother, and also the brethren,

But though we say mother, we never say methren.

The masculine pronouns are he, his, and him,

But imagine the feminine she, shis, and shim!

So our English, I think you will all agree,

Is the trickiest language you ever did see!

(Anonymous poem, quoted from "Learning a Foreign Language" by Eugene Nida.)

No language is totally logical and regular but after just looking at the irregularities in English plurals, Turkish is looking fairly simple with just "ler" and "lar"!

Any attempt made by a foreigner to speak will be greeted with delight, especially by Turkish friends. If you are living in Turkey, don't fall into a rut. Try to learn at least survival Turkish and more to really share your heart!

Election time...

2009-03-14T11:01:00.000-07:00

It is local election time in Turkey. I missed the campaign madness in the States for this last presidential election and forget all the tactics. In Turkey flags such as the above litter the sky line with party colors and logos, more heavily concentrated outside campaign headquarters and city centers. I thought this photo makes election time look peaceful as the sun was setting and the 'vans' were tucked away for the night. What I mean by 'vans' is that the daily attention getter is party 'vans' driving up and down every street...blaring and I mean blaring loud Turkish music from scratchy speakers on top of their heavily bannered 'vans'. I find it very obnoxious and think if I could vote in Turkish elections I would ALMOST vote for the party that didn't have a 'van'. This is of course not true and I still have lots to learn about the complexities and intricacies of modern Turkish politics and their multi-party system.

Rakı ve balık

2009-03-12T13:08:00.000-07:00

This is one of my favorite food traditions in Turkey. Restaurants called mehanes are dedicated to rakı, the anise flavored liqueur similar to a Greek ouzo and the many wonderful foods it is paired with. I never thought I would acquire a taste for this black-liquorish flavor but it happened when accompanied with the right food and right company on a warm night. It flows well with the food but be careful because it will hit you hard! It is usually served in those tall thin glasses paired with a water. The alcohol itself is clear and becomes cloudy when water or ice is added. This is one of the few drinks that always seem to take ice in Turkey(the ice situation is another entry). The above course starts with sweet luscious melon and white feta-like cheese, eaten together then followed with a sip of rakı, amazing!

Another reason I love eating at this type of restaurant is the mezes, the tapas style small plates. You share with everyone and get little tastes of things like(forgive me I don't know all their Turkish names yet) eggplant salad, seaweed, spiced yogurt, white beans, spinach, roasted red peppers, okra and much more. All prepared simply but delicious.

This night we were enjoying the balık pazaar, a side street off Taksim's beyoğlu in Istanbul famous for its mehanes trying to keyhole you into their establishment. Especially on a warm night the streets are bursting with life. Sit outside and the people watching is just as good as the food.

There is a huge variety of fish to choose from since Turkey is surrounded by three bodies of water; Black, Aegean and Mediterranean Seas. This night we had one of my small favorites, hamsı from the sardine family. (Trinea- I remember this photo was taken for you since you "love" fish with the bones in and head on...he he...come visit soon!)

Islak hamburger

2009-03-10T14:00:00.000-07:00

Islak means wet so...wet hamburgers which doesn't sound that appealing when translated for some reason. I promise these are yummy though! There is a whole corner dedicated to this Istanbul fast food at the end of Taksim's Beyoğlu. The buns are soaked in tomato sauce but not soggy, more sticky I guess. You sprinkle some red pepper flakes inside(I like to add pickles inside-yes, I'm a little obsessed) wash all this down with fresh squeezed juice of almost any variety, orange, pomegranate, carrot, grapefruit, but my favorite is the mixed. My husband and I always go there at least once(if not more) and stand in the square people watching with our hamburgers. There are a bunch of stands with basically the same products competing for your business but probably the best if you do decide to sit is Bambi Cafe. These fast food stands have other tasty fast foods too but you have to try an Islak hamburger!

Turşuci=The pickle man

2009-03-06T12:13:00.000-08:00

My love of pickles stretches my whole life. My grandpa used to make pickles from his garden's cucumbers and dill(side note about how fun it was to race pickle boats we had carved from the huge overgrown cucs). I loved creeping down the basement stairs to peek at the process, picking the plate up of the huge crock and checking if they were ready yet. One of my in-laws told me that we are having a girl since I have been craving lots and lots of salty, vinegary turşu. In Turkey there are whole little stores dedicated to the art of pickled this and pickled that. It is a dying art though since many shops have switched to Turşu fabrikası, factory pickles. But I am trying to not let that ruin it for me...

We have been in Istanbul for a few days now, exploring this dirty, crazy, crowded city that I do love. Çağlar's auntie lives in the heart of Beşiktaş, an amazing location for exploration. We kept walking by the pickle shop with it's bright colors and preserved veggies. I am so impressed by how many things they decide to pickle in Turkey and even more excited that you can go into the shop and buy a cup full of turşu water and a sampling of the delights. There are 4 types of peppers, cabbage both white and red, cucumbers is all different sizes, tomatillos, carrots, green tomatoes, garlic, olives, eggplant, squash, beets and dolmas. Mini cucs will forever be my favorite but the white cabbage and the beets are tied for a close second.

The pickle man was quite a chatter and asked us if we wanted it spicy or not. We decided for the middle. He filled the glass with a beautiful assortment of colors and textures then topped it off with turşu water and spicy red pepper paste for the kick. People drink the pickle water often here, I think it's great. It reminded me of a bloody mary minus the vodka and tomato juice of course. Mmmm, I miss those things. I notice they never add dill although there is tons of it in Turkey? Also does anyone know about the canning process? They never can things here. It sits in plastic or glass unsealed brewing on the floor in the corner. Any thought on this? Now although this was a factory made pickle shop I still love the idea of these colorful little stores dedicated to the art of the pickle...yummmmers! I am on a quest for the best shop now that I realize you can go into the stores and just order a cup of pickle water with all the fixings.

Need some inspiration or a positive attitude?

2009-02-23T10:11:00.000-08:00

This fabulous photo was a fabulous time with two of my many good girlfriends who I miss. Deborah, Tanya and I cliff jumping on the Big Island, Hawaii.(I forgot the spots name...anyone?)

This post isn't about cliff jumping though just inspiring adventure and that was a great adventure! I want to point out a website to those of you feeling uninspired lately(me) and downtrodden by all the news of the global economic crisis, everything sucks blah blah blah...It is the TED website, Ideas Worth Spreading.

TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design. It started out (in 1984) as a conference bringing together people from those three worlds. Since then its scope has become ever broader.

The annual conference now brings together the world's most fascinating thinkers and doers, who are challenged to give the talk of their lives

The first one I watched was from Elizabeth Gilbert, The author of that wonderful little book, "Eat, Pray, Love" and her thoughts on cultivating genius.

There are talks from Jane Goodall, Bono, Bill Gates,Sylvia Earle on the state of the oceans, so many interesting people from a range of themes; design, innovation, art, environment...

I look forward to watching more at TED and hope you will too.

Back to being a puppy...

2009-02-22T08:23:00.000-08:00

Good morning! I woke up at 6:30 AM to Tequila(reminder:who is our 10 month old German shepherd) eating everyone's shoes. I groggily took them all away and went back to bed. Woke up a few hours later to this lovely mess, charcoal bag ripped wide open, shredded mother-in-law's pillows, broom straw strewn about the patio and Tequila looking at me like what? I was bored you shouldn't have taken my shoes away...ahhhhhhhhhh puppies! I actually asked my husband whether he thought it was going to be easier to have our baby or to have a puppy? I thought a baby will be easier... but he disagreed ...

Then the anger from the destruction cleared when I realized she's not bleeding anymore!!!!!She's not in heat anymore finally!!!! Yeah!!!!!No more isolation techniques, no more mangy, crazy, male dogs lurking around, no more bored Tequila because we can take her for walks free off leash again, and let her run and play with the other "boys" in the neighborhood. After all, I need to remember she really is still just a puppy...

To let off some steam for the both of us we took a long walk around the neighborhood and it has definitely become our daily ritual. There has been tons of rain lately and the country side is bursting with greens and flowers. Although I don't find Didim a perfect city it does have a lot of natural beauty.

These small purple flowers make me happy while we are walking on the beach. They pop out of the sand with these wispy, curly iris like leaves. I imagine they stay so small to protect themselves from the intense seaside wind we can get. The vibrant pops of purple nicely surprise the eye against the neutrals of the sand, and muted greens of surrounding low lying shrubs.

The abundant yellow flowers are mustard greens(Hardal in Turkish). They seem to have a cooperative relationship with the olive groves. It is beautiful the subtle muted tones of the olive leaves rising above the lively yellow flower speckles all against the backdrop of the Aegean Sea.

As you drive down the road to our house the fields are blanketed with a beautiful emerald green and then the patchworks of olive groves dappled with the yellow. There are several edible greens, including mustard that people dig up and saute with onion and tomato paste. My husband's favorite is to fry eggs sunny side up into the vitamin packed greens(see earlier harvesting post)

Tequila and I's daily walking adventures go something like this, taking in the little things, the natural beauty of Didim with my friend, my puppy.

balık

2009-02-12T05:46:00.000-08:00

Fish fry Turkish style...yummy! Sardalya which I think translates to Sardines were fresh and delicious. We usually fry up Hamsi, another kind of small anchovy but this time the balıkci was out. The Sardalya were a little bigger but just as fresh and delicious. You just coat them in flour and salt and fry them out side to save your house from the smell. Pop them open, easily debone, squeeze with fresh lemon(from the tree in the yard) and enjoy. We had a huge salad to accompany it. Normally in many houses in Turkey the salad is communal, everyone just dips their fork or bread when they want, which I like. Also my mother-in-law made a fabulous lentil soup, mercimek in Turkish. She took chicken stock, lentils, tomato paste(salça in Turkish and an ingredient heavily used ingredient)then purees it all together. Of course there was plenty of fresh bread. A delicious Turkish dinner that reminded me of Etzel family fish frys when the boys would bring home tons of sunnys from the lake...yummmy!

The Honeymoon period is over...

2009-02-11T09:28:00.000-08:00

This photo was taken last March when my class from Mimar Sinan went to a village named Zeytinburnu next to Muldanya, about an hour ferry ride from Istanbul.

When I write "the honey moon period is over" I don't mean with my new husband who I love more everyday, I mean with my host country of Turkey.

Good old Wikipedia describe the Honeymoon period as this:

The honeymoon period is the phase early in a long-term relationship characterized by greater than typical joy and lesser than typical friction. This is also true early on in marriage - spouses seem to be more forgiving and loving than they would be later on in the relationship.

I have been coming to Turkey on and off for two years this month and initially it was rose-colored glasses the whole time, I was more forgiving about the annoyances I found and still very in love with this new exotic land I had fallen for. I would turn a blind eye, or turn on my third eye actually so I wouldn't loose a limb to the crazy-ass, non-seat belt wearing free-for-all rule less maniacs of drivers who throw their trash out the windows without a second thought, to the lack of amenities such as constant natural gas to the house which leads to warmth in every room and hot water from every faucet;the kitchen, the bathroom, the bathroom faucet, the shower etc.(my husband reminds me that I come from a "rich country" often when I am frustrated and Turkey is still developing), to up to 20 hours it takes me by plane to go see my family, to the serious problem of feral dogs and cats that roam the streets begging for food and cycle of abuse and fear it leads to between humans and animals, to the garbage that piles up out side dumpsters, if there are even dumpsters at all, so the cats and dogs scrounge for food from it and tear open the bags scattering the trash all over the place, the potholes that I can't figure out why the city won't fix and the irritation I feel every time we hit one hard, to it taking three days for my clothes to dry because there aren't any clothes dryers, that it isn't easy to learn Turkish and I better keep trying hard because...

the reality has hit me hard that I am going to be living here for while and that I need to make a life of my own here. Stop treating it as if I am on vacation and that I am going back to my "real", "safe" life in America anytime soon(although I swear to you I will when the time is right). Make my life my own here with my husband but not just wait around for my husband and his life. We just found out some blessed news that we are expecting a little one and with that news I think your perspective on life changes. I have never been one to over think the future(good or bad as that may be) but with one on the way I wonder what kind of life we will give it? Where to go to school...I guess it needs to get here first...

inşallah sağlıklı= If it is god's will, healthy!!!!!

That is my little rant for the week and releasing it to get over it. Thanks to my mother, sisters and friends for guidance emails. Get past the lust of the honeymoon period and try to get into living here. There is still a new language to conquer and lots to explore in "The ohhh sweet Turkey." Also friends and family don't forget our door is always open for visitors!

Deep breathes(right mom?)

Newspaper artist

2009-02-09T12:10:00.001-08:00

I found this piece hanging in the Nordstrom's shoe department at the "Mall of America"(come on Minnesotan sing the jingle song) in Minnesota, USA. At first it is a nice image of course appropriate for the shoe department but then I looked closer and was fascinated by the woven newspaper technique. I come from a Fiber Arts background and love the use of recycled materials, the texture it gives the piece and the large scale.

Here is a close up. I researched and found from daily art muse.com(lots of good stuff!) woven newspaper paintings by Danish artist Gugger Petter. Living in California since 1986, Petter has used newspapers as a medium for her paintings for the last 18 years, rolling the paper into tubes and weaving the tubes with hemp. Here is Gugger's personal website.

My fascination with newspaper consists not only of its being “the diary of our lives”, it also presents me with a black/white/and limited color palette, which has always been my choice. My work is most often based on an over sized image, an observation of daily life, which can be seen as an abstraction as well as a representational image, where surface, subject matter, color and content all convey tension between opposites.

This inspires me to get creative again by using recycled materials and what is around me...surprise but there is no Dick Blick art stores in Didim...or any equivalent. I do miss really nice paper(any one know how to make paper?), I also have a book idea? On this blog I document daily life and love bring small activities into focus. I just need to get our new house and make myself a studio, a place where I can have all my art junk out and about to work on at any time of the day and not worry about cleaning up. Yes! Messy art fun!

P.S. I am happy for my friend Len for deciding to make art for a living, hard road but I wish her the best!

nar ve portakal suyu

2009-02-08T11:46:00.001-08:00

We went to Aydin, the capital of Didim's "state" the other day for my Turkish marriage visa, about an hour away. It was less headache than I had anticipated since of course my Turkish speaking husband was with me. We had to go to three different government buildings to get everything completed. I wondered why they couldn't consolidate the steps/buildings, silly me? One building was only for making payments. If we didn't have a car it would have taken a day to complete like it has previous times when I have gone to get visas by myself. Turkish officials love photos, you always need several passport size photos with you and their is also a love of stamps, lots of very official stamping going on.

After a few steps we walked out of one government building and on the corner was a juice man, squeezing fresh pomegranate(nar) and orange(portakal) juice(suyu). Delicious!!!!! He freshly squeezes you the mixture of your choice for 1.5 TL about one dollar and serves it up in little glasses. In Turkey there isn't much of a to-go cup culture which can be great as far as not producing waste. Also Americans really do super size everything...A funny side story is my husband and I went to a Starbucks here in Turkey. I got us two medium coffees because he tries to like my American coffee. I brought it to him and he's all, "whoo baby, that's enough coffee for like 4 Turkish people." In Turkey the Turkish coffee is unfiltered espresso, it is small and since it is full of grounds by the end you flip over the cup onto the saucer and then your friend reads you your fortune by reading the grounds. I don't care for the grounds in style but it tastes good and it is fun to get your fortune read. Also there is a deep love for Nescafe, instant coffee that I am attempting to get used to? But the juice...fresh and delicious!

Our bitch is in heat!

2009-02-02T05:54:00.000-08:00

Literally, Our nine month old German Shepperd is having her first and last period! It is a nightmare if you ask me. She like any girl is leaking spots of blood everywhere. There are so many free street dogs around that they lurk around her ready to pounce. We confine her at night but the free male dogs sit outside in the yard and bark in longing for our puppies sweet loving. I guess it is best to not spay her while she is in heat because all the blood vessels are enlarged and she could excessively bleed from the surgery but this is it. Dogs have periods only about two or three times a year but they last for 21 days at a time. It amazes me how many Turkish people are extremely afraid of dogs! I guess it is because they have such a wild street dog population.

Bittersweet....

2009-01-15T21:53:00.000-08:00

Although it is literally -20F which equals -29C and I have the chance to escape to the warmer climate of Turkey it is still bitter sweet. I miss my husband terribly and not a day goes by that I ever regret marrying him but once I leave Minnesota I know I will miss my family terribly. I have had pretty steady wanderlust since the age of 18. It was always easy to go but lately that excitement has given way to some new sadness. I can't quite figure it out? Maybe because now I fly across the ocean instead of across the states to Cali. Or is it because I am married and have this wonderful husband that my old familiar life barely knows? I think I feel like if I fully give into living in Turkey that we will never come back to the States as we have planned, why do I do this to myself? Where has my vagabonding spirit gone? Reverted back into my roots?

The above photo was taken on the shores of Lake Superior in Duluth, Minnesota. So beautiful but bitter, bitter cold!

Half full...

2009-01-11T14:22:00.000-08:00

Reading the newspaper, watching the news can be depressing these days. Most of the talk is concerning the financial crisis which has hit the whole world not just The US. I feel for people that have lost their homes and their jobs. Then you think who is next? Do I have job security? It is extremely hard to live in fear! I was introduced via fellow Turkey blogger, Turkish Muse to the terms scarcity mentality and abundance mentality. Here is a little from Wikihow, an article "How to cultivate an abundance mentality" for these hard times...

Much of society seems to be built on a scarcity mentality. It's a mentality that tells people that there is a lack in life, that opportunities are few and far between. This is, of course, useful for society because if people feel that there is a lack, then you can get them to buy stuff; thus, the economy and society can continue to live and prosper by reinforcing a scarcity mentality in people.

The scarcity mentality can be quite painful for the individual and create a lot of unnecessary fear, anxiety and desperation. An abundance mentality, on the other hand, tells you that there are always new chances and opportunities. This relieves much of the pressure you may feel if you have a scarcity mentality that makes you think that you've only got one shot right now. Or it makes you feel like an utter failure just because you stumbled and things didn’t work out. An abundance mentality can help you improve your performance since with it, you’re creating a lot less pressure and anxieties within your own mind.

Please check out tips for your own positive cultivation at Wikihow

One thing about Turkey is that people find jobs WHEREVER they possible can, çayci(person who just makes tea and coffee all day for an office),no one ever pumps their own gas and selling tissue packages or bananas on the side of the toll booths on the busy highway! Things were hard there before this "ekonomik cris" and have since escalated. The above photo is an example of an interesting way to make a buck. Men will string out balloons into the Bosporus sea in Istanbul. They will bring their Bebe gun and charge a few YTL to let people try their steady hand at shooting. Bosporus balloon game.

Get creative, celebrate moderation, loose the sense of entitlement and appreciate what you have...

Everybody needs a nap...

2009-01-10T14:06:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it's time to take a little break...

Outside the aquarium- Barcelona, Spain

Design thinking

2009-01-07T21:51:00.001-08:00

The suspension bridge on Spruce Street in San Diego. I used to love running on the bouncy bridge through the eucalyptus grove.

Design thinking is a process for practical, creative resolution of problems or issues that looks for an improved future result.[1] Unlike analytical thinking, design thinking is a creative process based around the "building up" of ideas. There are no judgments early on in design thinking. This eliminates the fear of failure and encourages maximum input and participation in the ideation and prototype phases. Outside the box thinking is encouraged in these earlier processes since this can often lead to creative solutions. Wikipedia

It is something I have known but the term has been so well articulated and expanded upon by some interesting individuals. I first ran across a company named Ideo that goes in teaching big companies to think creatively. They write, "We are a global design consultancy. We create impact through design. Ideo's Tim Brown blogs about creative design...I need to think, I need to be creative, I want to be focused, I need a project...this is interesting to me...this is modern art...now what do I do?

Ohhh sweet pork...

2009-01-04T19:03:00.000-08:00

Things I have missed from America???(besides the obvious and even more important family and friends)

-Pork- ohhh sweet pork, bacon, ham, sausage how ever you prepare it, it is tasty stuff! My husband can't get enough bacon or pork ribs with BBQ sauce every time he comes to visit the States.Turkey is predominantly Muslim country. Muslims and Jews think pork is dirty. Here is a description from Wikipedia, a "walking" animal is kosher only if it both chews its cud and has cloven hooves. However, the pig is the only animal to have cloven hooves but doesn't chew its cud: its external aspect makes it appear kosher, while it is not, making it a symbol of hypocrisy. I must say it is delicious though!

-Wine- good and inexpensive wine and lots of people who want to share it!

-Clothing dryers- they make for non-crunchy clothes, crunchy jeans and crunchy towels are the worst! It is not so bad if you live where there is lots of sunshine and ocean breeze(Didim vs. Eskişehir or Istanbul).

-The variety! Yes I love Turkish culture, people, food but I have missed being able to go to sushi one night and Thai the next mmmmmmm and don't forget Mexican. I love that America is such a melting pot of cultures that has brought with them their food!!! Istanbul and Izmir have everything of course but most of the other cities don't stray. They might have restaurants from different regions in Turkey but rarely other countries. I am not sure if it is because it is such a prideful country??? Or because many people don't travel because it is hard to take visas and don't realize other things are out there????Or they are just stuck in their ways???I think there are a good amount of Americans that are afraid of change but far more embrace differences I hope???Anyone have any thoughts???? Also I hate when Turks or people from other countries think that all Americans eat is fast food, blahhhh!!! I guess that is all we export and it is not making us look very good.

-Also the shopping has been pretty fabulous! Again...the variety! Things such as electronics, cars, converse shoes etc are soooo inexpensive in comparison. I guess because many things were invented by Americans or we have been the worlds consumers for so long but other countries are hungry for the goods now a days!

-City planning instead of just piling another house or apartment building on top of an ancient village. In Turkey there are tons of half completed building because people either ran out of money to finish the project or they started building without government approval and half way through the government made them stop. It is such a waste to see these beautiful beach side property covered in concrete shells.

-City wide recycling programs, Americans have really grown in awareness and most I know find it second nature to recycle but still have the rest of the world beat on the amounts we use and how overly packaged every single thing is. plastic

çiğ köfte

2009-01-03T12:41:00.000-08:00

This is definitely one of my favorite Turkish dishes. Çiğ means raw while köfte are little meat patties. The ingredients above in the low metal tin are fresh ground beef, tomato paste, chopped onions, chopped garlic, ground black pepper, lots of cumin and salt. There is a big bowl of parsley to be added later. In the front is a spicy sauce made from lots of tomato paste, parsley, red pepper flakes and other yummy spices. On the side you need bulgur wheat, lots of red pepper flakes and a little water. Traditionally you also need a strong man to kneed the ingredients together.

This time it was our nephew's father's turn to do the mixing. For years it was my father-in-law's job but after his by-pass years ago he had to pass the job down. This recipe, or style or proportions of ingredients comes from his home town of Adiyaman in the east of Turkey. He left there when he was 18 to rarely return but still has lots of pride towards his roots. The mixing is done in those low tins on the ground with a blanket/bib for protection. You start by mixing the spices then start adding the ground beef, followed by the Bulgar wheat and salt. As the mixture gets kneaded the Bulgar softens and the spices somewhat "cure" the meat.

It takes a lot of time and muscle to kneed the mixture, there's my sister in law jokingly patting him off. After the initial mixture is done you add the red pepper flakes, the fresh chopped parsley and a little water if needed. You make a few batches spicy and add more pepper for really spicy! To make the patties you just take a ball and put it where your fingers and palm connect. I like how the patties hold the finger marks shape.

Here are my adorable parents getting ready to eat çiğ köfte for the first time. The patties are then wrapped in lettuce with a squeeze of lemon juice and the spicy sauce added to your liking. On the table is also homemade pickles and beets. And the white stuff Turks call American salad which is like a really gross version of potato salad with canned peas(blahhh!). Everything else is so delicious though! Also my father is drinking Efes pilsner which is pretty much the only beer in Turkey. There is really so few options but Turks love it!!! They haven't gotten into specialty beers and my husband thinks they don't want to???? Also a note on wine. In Turkey they have such a great climate and potential for good wine but it just isn't there. I have heard there are a few good ones but they are really expensive compared to the US. Any suggestions please????? Turks only seem to get into Efes beer and rakı,(Turkish Ouzo) the anise flavored liquor. It isn't as fun to buy wine in Turkey if I don't have anyone to share it with. I have been loving the inexpensive but good wine and I have plenty of people to share it with here over the holidays in the States! Anyways the çiğ köfte is an amazing dish and a great family/Turkish tradition from my in-laws. It was so special that my parents could come and share what exactly I am doing in that far away land where I found love.

Side note: I finally figured out I can add a Turkish language keyboard to my computer so I can stop butchering the Turkish language. Here is a link if you need directions on how to add and the site offers Turkish classes also.

Making things with my mama...

2009-01-02T09:05:00.000-08:00

We have had a wonderful holiday season but also a sick one in this Minnesota cold so my mother made her sick babies(big grown up babies) some chicken soup with homemade noodles. I love making things with my mother. She is so talented and passionate about everything she makes. I watched her mix the eggs, flour, salt with a little Turkish olive oil since Minnesota is so dry in the winter needs that extra moisture. After the ball of dough was kneaded she cut it into smaller balls and we sent it through the pasta machine. Every time we sent the dough through we made the setting smaller so the get nice thin sheets of pasta. Then another setting evenly slices the noodles. We did this with my Turkish husband via skype with web cam. He chatted with us and watched us do the slicing. Thank you technology for this amazing invention. It is making this big world so much smaller.

You can save this fresh pasta by line drying it. It hardens and preserves just like the kind you would buy in the store. Again I think my generation is so disconnected where food comes from or how it is made. Also time is always a factor but pasta making is easy and so fun with the ones you love! Hope all are having a happy new year!!! 2009 wow!

Back in Amerika...

2008-12-20T13:37:00.000-08:00

Note about the above spelling: In Turkish the "c" is a "j" sound so they add a "k" to America's spelling instead. I previously always referred to my country as USA or "the States" but Turks refer to it as Amerika and I do as well when in Turkey but now I am back in The United States of America...

Minnesota actually, The Land of Ten Thousand Lakes where the temperature is curently 12 degrees Farenheit which equals -11 degrees Celcius. Yes it is Chilly in the great north but I have been dreaming of a white Christmas, actually a Christmas at all. I became elated while washing my hands in the bathroom of one of the many airports during my long journey back to hear some Christmas carols. Again, Turks are mainly Muslim so Christmas is very minimally celebrated. Some celebrate Baba Noel(Father Christmas) and have a little plastic tree with lights but here in Minnesota we are fortunate to have a plethora of fresh pines to choose from for this grand tradition of The Christmas Tree.

This one is Sixteen feet which is 4.88 meters. It is our own family tradition to get one as tall as our vaulted ceiling will let us. We will decorate it today as the family collects and decorate while listening to Frank Sinatra sing Christmas songs.

home for the holidays...

2008-12-16T20:43:00.000-08:00

I am sitting at the airport getting ready to board my first of three flights to get back to Minnesota for Christmas, unfortunately with out my husband who I will miss terribly. But this is the life of loving a foreigner and my family, some time apart. We took Tequila to the dog school/doggie hotel. She threw up two times in the car since we had to travel two hours, poor thing. Caglar's auntie Nejla came along. I adore her she is so funny. She is scared of getting some disease from dog or cat hair so she rode with a napkin over her mouth the whole time, talking through it. I guess it doesn't sound as funny as it was but she is a doll. The school has a good reputation and having a puppy is almost as much work as a kid.(Note: Please only buy a dog if you realize how much work, time and responsibility it takes and are up for the challenge, or else it just isn't fair to the animal.) Birsen can't do it by herself while looking after Baran and Ali since I am in USA for a month and Caglar Eskisehir. I am flying out of Izmir and saw my first glimpses of Christmas decorations. We went to buy some decor for the cafe from the boxes of cheap plastic decorations seen above, oh all the plastic. See some of you soon!

Side note: I am so excited to not smell lamb cooking...blah and barf! Birsen is so sick of cooking it also! Baked lamb's neck, boiled lamb with potatoes, lamb with spaghetti, (I could probably go off like the shrimp guy in Forest Gump...but just don't have the passion he had). Anyways I have been eating broccoli and peanut butter bread for days since I really do not like the smell or taste of lamb, I try to really but blah! I am excited for some pork though.(For those that don't know Turkey is a predominately Muslim country and Muslims don't eat pork.)