Wednesday, February 11, 2009

The Honeymoon period is over...


















This photo was taken last March when my class from Mimar Sinan went to a village named Zeytinburnu next to Muldanya, about an hour ferry ride from Istanbul.

When I write "the honey moon period is over" I don't mean with my new husband who I love more everyday, I mean with my host country of Turkey.

Good old Wikipedia describe the Honeymoon period as this:

The honeymoon period is the phase early in a long-term relationship characterized by greater than typical joy and lesser than typical friction. This is also true early on in marriage - spouses seem to be more forgiving and loving than they would be later on in the relationship.

I have been coming to Turkey on and off for two years this month and initially it was rose-colored glasses the whole time, I was more forgiving about the annoyances I found and still very in love with this new exotic land I had fallen for. I would turn a blind eye, or turn on my third eye actually so I wouldn't loose a limb to the crazy-ass, non-seat belt wearing free-for-all rule less maniacs of drivers who throw their trash out the windows without a second thought, to the lack of amenities such as constant natural gas to the house which leads to warmth in every room and hot water from every faucet;the kitchen, the bathroom, the bathroom faucet, the shower etc.(my husband reminds me that I come from a "rich country" often when I am frustrated and Turkey is still developing), to up to 20 hours it takes me by plane to go see my family, to the serious problem of feral dogs and cats that roam the streets begging for food and cycle of abuse and fear it leads to between humans and animals, to the garbage that piles up out side dumpsters, if there are even dumpsters at all, so the cats and dogs scrounge for food from it and tear open the bags scattering the trash all over the place, the potholes that I can't figure out why the city won't fix and the irritation I feel every time we hit one hard, to it taking three days for my clothes to dry because there aren't any clothes dryers, that it isn't easy to learn Turkish and I better keep trying hard because...

the reality has hit me hard that I am going to be living here for while and that I need to make a life of my own here. Stop treating it as if I am on vacation and that I am going back to my "real", "safe" life in America anytime soon(although I swear to you I will when the time is right). Make my life my own here with my husband but not just wait around for my husband and his life. We just found out some blessed news that we are expecting a little one and with that news I think your perspective on life changes. I have never been one to over think the future(good or bad as that may be) but with one on the way I wonder what kind of life we will give it? Where to go to school...I guess it needs to get here first...

inşallah sağlıklı= If it is god's will, healthy!!!!!

That is my little rant for the week and releasing it to get over it. Thanks to my mother, sisters and friends for guidance emails. Get past the lust of the honeymoon period and try to get into living here. There is still a new language to conquer and lots to explore in "The ohhh sweet Turkey." Also friends and family don't forget our door is always open for visitors!

Deep breathes(right mom?)

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

oh Emily, congratulations!!!! such exciting news, and yes, ones perspective on life does tend to change alot on the news one is expecting. I can definitely understand your need to find your 'own' life in a foreign place. I lived in Bahrain for only 2 years, but once I stopped thinking about when I was going home and accepting it to be my life at that time, I became mre at peace. Also with my sister in Istanbul, I know she has felt the same feelings, but has done so well in making a life for herself outside of her husbands friends and family. Maybe you should meet up one day? Wishing you all the health and happiness that comes with growing a new life. Such a wonderful experience. Congrats again to you and yur husband. Kerynps. I felt my crafty/arty side was reignited after I had children. Sounds like you may be heading that way too!

Anonymous said...

Yay Em, great post - very honest and I think you need to see that all written out. I love you so much and look forward to hearing about all your experiences over there. I miss you each and every day and am so happy for all that you have conquered. You are amazing and I look up to you ever so much!

LOVE, Mag

littledropofheaven said...

You inspired me to start a blog.If you are interested my blog name is

vagabonding-littledropinheaven@blogspot.com

renai said...

emily, big congrats! It's great news and such a blessing! Maşallah.

Great post! I can fully relate to your post, as my sister Keryn has said in her comments. I too went through the same thing and still (after nearly 2 years living here) some days drive my husband mad with my criticisms of all things Turkish from roads, traffic, banking system and customer service, stray animals and over population.

I've just come back from Australia and once again have all the differences lined up fresh in my mind ready to verbally shoot them at the next person ready to listen! I am an over-thinker from way back, so i can fully appreciate your current state of mind about the future and what it holds, especially with a little one on the way.

I have accepted this place as my home. What I have learnt is that it is important to have people around you who you can moan to about the chaos of life here, which I think only other foreigners can understand and appreciate. I have some wonderful Turkish friends but I feel bad whinging to them about their country and comparing it to mine, although they do see and can appreciate my position.

All that said, i am thrilled to be surrounded by hospitable, accepting Turks who are always ready to help a foreigner in need. I love the culture, food, history and compassion of the Turks and also the sense of family. You too will find things that you love about your life here as time passes.

Emily ohhhsweetturkey said...

Thank you Keryn so much. I appreciate your kind words and thoughts! I know i can find peace but sometimes you just have to let it out!And yes I do hope to ignite my artsy side again...I like peeking in at your blog for inspiration!

meggy my seester, I miss you everyday and love you so much! You are stronger than you realize! xoxoxoxooxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxo

Renai, Thanks I am sure you do understand exactly how I am feeling! One gelin to the other. I sure we would have a lot of fun complaining together but also sharing our love of our adopted land. Like you wrote there is so much hospitality and warmth here along with the annoyances. And the food...mmm!

pisipati said...

Hello Emily,my best wishes with you and the baby,congratulations.By the way Arçelik has dryers(kurutucu in Turkish).You can check them from this link http://www.arcelik.com.tr/ProductList.aspx?categoryCode=KurutmaMakinesi&LANGUAGE=tr-TR

Emily ohhhsweetturkey said...

Pisipati, thanks for the good wishes and the dryer tip! appreciate it.

emily