This is Turkey...
I had to drive my in-laws to a neighboring city of Aydin where my father-in-law has been receiving treatments for the cancer he still doesn't know he has after 9 months. I think in the States that this unrevealed fact wouldn't be possible legally but his family has decided that to keep this man going, instead of worrying himself to death, that they just tell him he is receiving "treatments" and everything will be fine. But hey he;s alive with stage 4 lung cancer that spread to his brain so they might be on to something here?? But I think I would want to know, anyways. Our extended family has become somewhat of a Broadway play. I think he just trusts his family to do the right thing for him and he just goes along. My mother-in-law has been the most impressive lead/supporting actress in this "play" and seriously deserves an Oscar or Tony, whatever. She is always first inside talking to the doctors and nurses getting him where he needs to be and reflecting comments that include the word cancer and making sure that the other "actors/nurses/doctors" know that they in fact need to become actors and play their role accordingly around the "C" word. Oh the interesting dynamics...
As my mother-in-law was inside the hospital taking care of papers, future appointments and check-in for her husband of 32 years. Father-in-law and I went to get some çorba and çay, soup and tea. As we were sitting inside on our third cup of tea attempting to communicate with my still flawed Turkish and he was "shooting the shit" with the restaurant workers as he LOVES to do(with anyone!) we wondered where mother-in-law is because we were supposed to be at the doctors appointment an hour ago??? When m-i-l calls and says the doctors still hasn't shown up for the day and no one knows when he will be in. Well I am thinking what the heck...this is not very professional...this would never happen in...blah blah when the restaurant manager says, "Burası Türkiye!(This is Turkey)" And I just start cracking up so loud(those of you that know me know my loud laugh can get really loud) because this simple statement(which I was stoked I could understand even) sums up so many things so beautifully and it was coming from a Turk not just a yobanci(foreigner like me) out to complain about the inefficiency.
Burası Türkiye is now my new "motto" for life here, frustrating and beautiful as it can be I am in a foreign land, Türkiye. Where things move at a different pace but family is important.
The above photo is our hopefully new house. It is getting remodeled with the new sun awnings being installed and painted, fresh paint inside and there was a promise of a new remodeled kitchen but... burası Türkiye and they ran out of money to do the kitchen. So now we are stuck possibly doing it ourselves, seriously the kitchen is the heart of the house! But this is our rented house not bought house so I don't want to put tons of money into it...ahhhhh but through my frustration my always positive husband assures me we can make it work...hopefully sooner than later!!!!! Hurry it up people!
Positives: the awnings will be beautiful and will help this summer to keep my hugely pregnant self cool and the views from the walk on roof are beautiful! And it is a decent ways away from other houses to help for our privacy and our puppies craziness!
We'll see...
8 comments:
Yes - I think this is a great motto - sure helps me from getting too frustrated! The house looks like it could be really nice!
PS. I just figured out that it might have been you that left the comment about being a mum soon and the question about raising bilingual kids. When I clicked on the comment it wouldnt come through to your blog for some reason. But I will just go ahead and assume it is you! Anyway just in case you didn't see my answer: I speak English with my son and my husband speaks Turkish with him (at least that is the plan-sometimes it is hard to stick too.) As a family we usually speak English. But when we are out of the house we often all speak Turkish - especially when there are other people involved in the conversation. Yashar has started to say words in both languages (and already has a better Turkish accent than me!) which is very exciting. Hope your pregnancy is going along well!
love the house......i hope it become your "home" soon!!
Good luck
I was really surprised when I read this post so I asked my husband about this and he confirmed that it would be "normal" to keep this sort of information from a person, especially one suffering from terminal cancer.
I was shocked, to say the least, but my husband explained to me that in this culture it would be quite the norm. He said "how would you feel knowing each and everyday that you are dying?. Wouldn't it damage your psychology?". He said it would be like dying everyday when you wake up knowing that kind of information. My husband thinks that it is the right thing not to tell someone in that situation so they can live out their last days/months/years happily and without stress about their health. Whereas I said "what if they man wants to go to Italy or ride a bike by the ocean or write a poem?". What about his last wishes for his life?
I didn't agree with my husband and told him that in Australia any information would be divulged only to you as the patient and not to your husband, wife, sister, aunt or other relative. In fact, the doctor would have a duty of care and legal responsibility to inform you as the patient.
Having recently had dealings with a hospital myself recently, I came to realise that the reason they are usually so busy with the too-ing and fro-ing of people is that people are usually accompanied by all and sundry family members other miscellaneous relatives. In Turkey, decisions are made as a family unit as opposed to individuals making decisions for themselves.
This is another one of those huge cultural differences that I can't quite get my head around.
I can't imagine how you must feel when you are around your father-in-law with all the actors playing hush-hush.
I hate to say it but burasi Tukiye!
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