Thanks to all who have commented and validated my birthing fears from the previous post. It means a lot to read the comments of encouragement and advice.
My fears have lessened though. We toured the local hospital. Although it is not glamorous at all. It is clean. One of the midwives gave us a tour. Although she doesn't speak English she seemed nice enough. I saw the room where you start laboring in. I am going to take the advice to labor at home as long as possible! It is small with two beds but there is a bath tub in the bathroom which I was excited about and a non-Turkish toilet!!! There may be another laboring women in there with me or may not depending on timing of course. I made sure to ask if I was allowed to move around if I wanted. Midwife said that was fine.
When you fully go into labor you are moved to another big open room. It has a big yellow chair with stirrups(reminded me slightly of a torture chair but trying not to think like that). I am a little nervous because she said there is no pain medicine available until after the birth. But my mom said she didn't have any and if she can do it so can I-hopefully(errr)!
When the baby comes she will be kept with me which is really important to me. After the baby is born together you are moved to a third room with several beds and watched for 6 hours. Your husband is allowed in for this.
Then as long as everything has gone well and you and baby dear are healthy you are moved to a private room where you, your husband and new baby can sleep the night and again as long as everything looks good you go home the next day.
We asked the midwife if my husband could be there for the birth and she said it was the doctors decision. So we went back down to see my doctor. She approved that my husband could come in for the delivery and possibly my mother-in-law also!!! Thank goodness!!!!!!!! I am not sure if it was the previous balling that did it or what? She really has been a good doc though. She has a very modern private practice it is just the State Hospital that leaves something to be desired!
For me this equaled relief. I was ready to go searching long and hard but I think it will be ok? Even if the hospital isn't very glamorous as I said at least I will have some support through the ordeal.
This whole experience so far has brought up so many questions?
Why wouldn't men be allowed in? Actually anyone else at all?
I ASSUMED it was considering this is a predominantly Muslim country and since it is a shared birthing room that men wouldn't be able to see someone that wasn't their wife or something?
But my husband said it is because recently in Turkey there have been a few outbreaks in hospitals that lead to infant deaths. Here is one article from Daily Zaman...one outbreak in Bursa.
Neither reasons are very comforting...
Also for the record this rule isn't at every hospital across Turkey but my husband reminds me that we live in a village, more like a resort town, but anyways it is small. In Istanbul or another big city there are more options.
I think it also has to do with expectations. Maybe Turkish women don't expect their husbands to be there. They just assume the doctor knows what is going on? I have been reading that Turkey has a bad reputation for a very mechanical births and quick to give cesareans. But as America did for years but then women started wanting more from their birthing experience.
Maybe the doctors don't necessarily want frantic husbands in the room who are worried about their wives being in so much pain especially since there are soooo few birthing classes so people haven't been educated on how to deal with the pain, the breathing, the process, how to help and not just be in the way?
I have thought about going to Bodrum for the birth to Özel Bodrum Hastanesi. I have an English friend here who chose that hospital and feels good about it. They have an English nurse thereö Sarah Aslanç My husband is worried that he wouldn't be able to drive me there in time and then we would have the baby in the car and would have to name her Bodrum...he's funny:)
But we have been trying to self educate and now he realizes that laboring takes a long time.
I have been directed to a few resources for natural birth/classes/doula type things in Turkey...
For one there is a yahoo health forum group...naturalbirthturkey
There is one American Doula who sounds wonderful named Julia Steils who I wish I could meet with but we are too far from Istanbul. Her site is http://www.fullcirclehealing.org.
The other is a Turkish Doctor named Dr. Hakan Çoker who practices out of Maramaris,teaching lamaze which is also a bit far for us but i am waiting to hear back from him if he has some weekend classes. His site is www.dogaldogum.com.
If that doesn't work I am going to try to get a lamaze video from Amazon or something...but the mail always takes so long??? What to do?
For now I am feeling better and again thanks for the advice and support...
More to come...she will be here so soon!
11 comments:
Oh my goodness - I am relieved for you too! That sounds so much better!
I had a book that really helped me -Juju Sundin's Birth Skills. She takes you through different techniques for 'pain mastery', describes each stage of the birth and has tips for what husbands can be doing to help ;) After reading it I definitely felt more confident about the birth.
You will do great and I'm sure your husband will help you through it so much!
I want to be your Doula!! I wish I could join you for the birth! I love you Em
Oh Emily, this is better news than the last post. I couldn't bring myself to even comment as I didn't want to make you feel worse! Sounds like you have done lots of research. I agree with labouring at home for as long as possible. I had 2 normal births pain relief free, you can do it! You will be surpised at the strength of your own body. It truly is an amazing thing. Having your support team there will also be a huge emotional support. It is such a beautiful time and I wish you all the very best. Looking forward to your updates.
ps. Your husband has great sense of humour, naming her Bodrum!!
I'm happy to read this post! Things are looking up and up. You and your hubby seem well informed and it's a great relief that they will let him be with you! Good work!
I think the birthing culture is simply different to that in the west. It is far more clinical and birth is looked at as a medical procedure.
Trust yourself and your body to do what it's supposed to and I'm sure you can do it without pain relief.
Looking forward to updates!
It is all sounding so much more reassuring with the knowledge you have gained and have researched and seeing the hospital instead of just invisioning what might be.You can do it!!! It will be an awesome (in the words of someone we know and love) experience. Tell your husband I kind of like the name Bodrum. Love to you
I am glad your doctor approved for your husband to be with you.
I love how your wrote about your husband, he understands the laboring process is long. My husband didn't realize how long it was until the week before I was due and he flipped out because he was scared for me. It's so interesting because he's 10 years older than me but has no clue about anything about the birthing process or anything to do with sex education. I may have hated taking the sex education classes while in high school but I was so glad when I realized my husband didn't know a lot in these areas and I plus the doctor was able to help educate him.
About the not letting the men while giving birth I think other Turkish women don't want strange men in the same area where they are giving birth as well, plus just lack of education of both men and women.
But thanks for writing about your experience and it sounds like you will have a wonderful birthing process with your whole family!
I hope everything continues to go smoothly!
I am glad your doctor approved for your husband to be with you.
I love how your wrote about your husband, he understands the laboring process is long. My husband didn't realize how long it was until the week before I was due and he flipped out because he was scared for me. It's so interesting because he's 10 years older than me but has no clue about anything about the birthing process or anything to do with sex education. I may have hated taking the sex education classes while in high school but I was so glad when I realized my husband didn't know a lot in these areas and I plus the doctor was able to help educate him.
About the not letting the men while giving birth I think other Turkish women don't want strange men in the same area where they are giving birth as well, plus just lack of education of both men and women.
But thanks for writing about your experience and it sounds like you will have a wonderful birthing process with your whole family!
I hope everything continues to go smoothly!
Em-
I am sooo happy to hear you and Caglar can be together. Your Dr. Sounds great and I am glad you spoke with her and did the tour. I just started Lamaze/birthing classes- and I wanted to share with you that our teacher said Labor does take a long time and that when the contractions first start, you should go to the movies or something distracting like that until they get close enough to go to the hospital- otherwise they send you home until you get closer...who knew?? Also on the breathing videos, could you download something onto your computer to avoid the mail? I am sooo excited for you and am happy to hear you are so positive!!
I've just found your blog and enjoy it so much. My husband is Turk but we live in the Us (for now). I'm glad you feel better about the hospital experience. You are so right, just stay home for as long as possible and you'll be alot more comfortable. Congratulations! I'm getting excited to see your birth announcement. We have a 1 1/2 year old daughter and she is just amazing. I can't wait to "meet" your baby girl!
Ok, that sounds better, do you feel better?? I was asking my husband about it too (he's from istanbul), and he was asking me where you are living now and I couldn't remember. He went with the idea (you mentioned) that husbands have just not wanted to be in the room. He was sort of the same and thought it would be full of gross things (lol), but now he totally changed his tune and I believe would advise tons of hubbys to join in :)We took a class in the Bradley method (natural childbirth) and I had all kinds of ideas about how I wanted my birth to go. It didn't go exactly as planned but he ended up being a great coach (and I did it without the epidural -- I'm like you, I hear someone else did it, so I figure I can too...) So, I bet you can do it!!! Truthfully, wherever you give birth, it is an adventure and you will always have things that you may feel like are a compromise. But, I think some of the things which are most important (like having your baby with you in the room) were covered. Good luck, I look forward to more...
Emily,
Your body is designed to give birth to a child. From the beginning of time women have surrendered their bodies to the beauty of bringing life. So excited to welcome you into this sisterhood of women. Pain medication is over-rated and often robs us of experiencing the deeper well of strength that is within your dear body. Remember this baby longs to be born as much as you long to hold it in your arms.
Listen to your body and listen to your inner wisdom - there are millions of women who join with you!
Just think your husband is standing with you and will share with you his own strength.
So excited for you!
Becky
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