Thursday, February 4, 2010

"I love you more than you have yet to know"


















My brother recently wrote this comment on a post:

One of the last things dad wrote me in an email was "I love you more than you have yet to know". Looks like your beginning to learn what he meant. She is so beautiful.


I AM beginning to understand this love like no other of a parent for a child and I still miss my father every day.

The in-laws are here which is great! The drove up north to us bearing fresh fish, lemons from the trees around the house, a huge container of olive oil and smiles mixed with tears as they saw us and of course baby dear!

I do love big family breakfasts and everyone talking at once even when I don't understand everything. Turkish breakfast always include plates of cheese, sausage, honey, jam, butter and lots of fresh bread and everyone just grabs from the middle. Tea too of course! Great to have them here and we have spoke of many great memories my cute father-in-law(and father too- so glad they met!) His happy-go-lucky feeling about life! How he constantly hounded us all to wear our slippers and socks because he didn't want his family sick:)

Dad's memorial was pretty nontraditional and very suiting for our nontraditional father. It was at the house, in the yard where our family grew with the oak trees and gardens, the MN seasons and dad's grass he would fertilize with dawn dish soap, beer and Epson salt while wearing golf shoes:)????

At my brother's wedding my father gave a speech basically how he is so proud of my brother for becoming his own person. Dad gave the best speeches and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree! My brother gave the best speech at my father's memorial. I cried the hardest at this point...

Hello, my name is Lucas Johnson and I am the only son of Kim Alan Johnson. I say that because I am very proud to be Kim Johnson's son.

Some children miss out on their fathers because they decide to be physically absent, choosing work or hobbies over spending
time with their kids. Other parents are emotionally absent, not letting their children see that they even have emotions. Some fathers are simply not there.

With my father, I wanted for nothing. Dad was always therefor me, showing me by example what a father and husband should be in the truest sense of the word. He supported me in EVERYTHING I did no exceptions. He always tried to guide me with his wisdom and knowledge that seemed endless at times. I sometimes wondered how could someone know so much. He loved the fact that all of his children were thoughtful, independent adults. I quote from an email he had written to this Aunt. “All these children of mine are really getting out in the world. They have all become interesting adults acting independently with good ethics and morals My love for them and pride in them continues to grow as they continue to amaze me.”

This was my father. Above any and all else it was about his wife and children always, no exceptions. I am again so grateful for that.

At tragic times like these, so many families are worried about all the things left unsaid because they were not brave enough to say them and they ran out of time. That is not true with my family. I never had to “tell” my dad anything before he died. I knew he loved me and I loved him. Through out my life I am overcome with examples of this.

When I was a young kid probably in 6th grade or so my dad and I hit a patch of black ice when we were driving to one of countless basketball B team weekend tournament, again my dad never missed an event so he was driving me. But the memory that has always stuck out about that was as soon as we hit this patch the very very first thing my dad did was hold out him arm across my chest and said “Hold on”. And he held me as we were spinning out of control on the free ways off the road and into the ditch. I have always felt so loved by that.

He supported me in tough times as an adult as well during my adventures across the country in pursuit of football. There were so many times I called him up, standing at the ledge, hysterical, crying and frustrated. He was the only person who truly understood the trials and tribulations of this era of my life. He even mentioned it at his speech at my wedding. He knew I hated it by the end, heck not even by the end. But he is solely responsible for me not becoming a quitter and gaining the incredible knowledge that this era of my life taught me about the real world. I will be forever grateful to him for this. It meant so much.

I am going to miss my father for the rest of my life. He was the ultimate role model. A perfectionist of the highest degree, who was capable of fixing or doing anything. A man who's mind was always pondering the real world around him looking for truth in all of the lies.

My father was in the truest sense of the word that I have ever seen in my life a “renaissance man” and that is how I would like for him to remembered. I believe that true Renaissance men are the rarest type on this earth and that is why we will miss him so much. He can never be replaced. I'm sure there are other Renaissance men out there but you can only meet so many people in the time you are on this earth that I know I will never meet another like him.

I would just like to close by saying I love my father very much and I am going to spend the rest of my life trying to become a man worthy of being my fathers son.

Thank You all for coming.

4 comments:

mag said...

Well that was a tearjerker... Yes, one of the best parts of the memorial was LJ's speech - outstanding. I also like how you say how dad was so good at it too and that trait was passed down... so true.

LOVE YOU!

aprons said...

I'll second that tearjerker. We are so lucky. I love you all so much.

maudie said...

ditto. ditto to everything and everyone. i love you guys

Unknown said...

Em..You are amazing. Thank you for sharing your father with all of us. I love you.