Purple findings...

Since I was young I have loved findings; gorgeous examples of nature noticed surrounding me.

At our house initially you look out and see three colors- that beautiful blue water reflecting whatever hue the weather is that day, green from the shrubs and bushes struggling to grow from the beige rock beneath it.

Of course if you look closer there is much more to behold. Today I found purple.
Not lilacs and violets from my youth but sea urchin shells, olives, greens with hints of purple stems, shells, broken lighter (plastic seems to find it's way in wherever you are), heather flowers, thistles(it got me...ouch!), and daisies.

Fall here is like a spring again. I have to be honest...I did go swimming yesterday. It was a freak hot day and my hubby talked me into it after he went fishing. Chilly but great.

The winds have found there way back though. They will blow the rain in soon. Following all the rain and a week of hot weather life is popping up everywhere. Seeds dormant during the long, HOT, dry summer.

Inspiration for this shot from resurrection fern, Andy Goldsworthy, mother nature herself:)

Happy birthday Dad...

It was yesterday...

I wish it went like this...

Me calling my dad on skype. I can hear it play in my head, his voice, how his glasses would be all funny on his face around his neck with that silly string. He would probably be looking at some stats or news at the same time talking to us.

He would answer and say, "hi doll(maybe dolls plural now, what would he call our baby girl?)"

me:"Hi dad, Happy birthday!"

dad: "oh thanks sweetie."

me: "what are you guys going to do today?"

Then he would stop "computing", take off his glasses, lean back in the chair, stretch, then cross his arms turning his attention to us...

dad: " oh probably just go down to the Muni for a burger with everybody. Mom made me a chocolate cake. Kids are coming over later. Nothing too special. How are you guys? How is Mavisu?"

me: "We are good. Mavisu is growing so big and beautiful...here look..."
dad: "(here is new territory? I am not sure what exactly he would say because we never got to talk about his grandbaby, the cancer had already made him so weak when we came home from the hospital with her. I know though that he would love her. He loved her. It would make him smile a BIG smile. He would love her!")

We would go on to talk about projects each other are doing. I would get the down low on each sibling and mom as she would be working on a Wednesday. I would ask his opinion about something or other. He would have an opinion. He always did:)

The conversation would take a lull or two and we knew we were done for that session.

I would wish him Happy birthday again and tell him I love him. He would say thanks and say he loves us too.

I would email him a card with a picture of baby girl or have sent something he would get late...of course:)

This is what I wish happened yesterday...

But instead the sharp knife of reality sliced deep. He is gone never too return. It fucking sucks.

Now he lives on in beautiful memories. I hope I can always remember his funny mannerisms and know what he would do in certain situations.

Love you forever father dear...

The above photo is of a gorgeous oil painting of my father's portrait given as a huge, beautiful surprise to my mother. Truly it has a life of it's own and is the second thing to have my father reborn. It is there with my mother and it makes her smile which is the most important! The painting was done by the very kind and ridiculously talented painter, Jeffrey T. Larson.

Balance...patience...building blocks...

I am floundering to find balance these days...

Balance with time.

Balance between being a good mom and having a second(ok I need a few hours even just once a week) to blog, to breathe, to think, to create, to be by myself all the while trying to nurture my marriage. ("but it's you turn to take her...")

Balance with looking towards the future and at the same time remember to live in the NOW! Our always tentative "plan" of living in Turkey these next 2-3 years then moving to Minnesota vs. living in the present enjoying my daughter growing, enjoying being a stay-at-home mom, enjoying my husband. Will I be so happy once we go back to MN for me? Will I have to work so much there that I will miss being a stay-at-home mom? It is actually a privilege that many don't have and yet I would like more?

Finding and exploring the benefits to this foreign life and to not stunting my growth by concentrating on moving back "home".

Balance with the idea of home. What makes a place home? a person home? What do I want in a home? Our new "home" is in Eskişehir even though neither of us want to stay here. This struggle between furnishing a big house and making it feel like home but not wanting to spend money. Just wanting to save since this is temporary? But I am so sick of constantly moving around and going back and forth between California and Turkey, then Minnesota and Turkey between cities within Turkey and back to USA.

I feel in a strange suspended state and yet it has been the craziest years of my life? Strange?

Balance between new roles and old independence. Balance with the freedom I should have(my husband thinks I have) since I don't "work" but balancing a job that is constant 24/7-motherhood.

When I think of myself as a traveler coming into Turkey I was fearless. Go anywhere ask anyone anything some how but now I have become so dependent on my husband to help me do things; a simple as call the water man to get water and to come with me to buy the new sewing machine I desperately want. What changed or did it change? Is this just real life living now not just vagabonding student? Or does he spoil me so because he just wants me to be happy and I let him and I have inhibited my independence somehow? Language is really what has hindered me. I am learning of course but still not there yet...

He isn't there yet either with his English sometimes I want to scream when I can't just speak without dulling down the vocabulary and yet I know that language learning is difficult -you really need to work at it- writing, studying!

I feel like I have been musing these same things this for the past year...uggg...


















I feel like something is brewing inside of me though...I need to make some things! I have many yummy ideas now mavisu and I need to go walk around the city and find a few supplies!

I feel like there are alot of awesome women(many expat and many mommas) doing some great things; art, connecting, helping, nuturing, talking, building relationships, building blocks!

A few great sites...expat+HAREM many great links to interesting women who share their stories and ideas!

expatwomen the home sick mother reminders resonate recently!:)

Also those great crafty sanity podcast I am eating up!

There is such power in hearing peoples stories and it is exciting times with etsy and social networking-some tips on using it prfessionally from Intarsia concept


Turkish houses/apartments are always made from these hollow bricks rebar and lots of cement. I am always facinated to watch them use random peices of wood to build molds for the cement.

Now home is where ever my husband and daughter are...

Again...sleep...

Need some rebar and cement...

Oh yes and baby girl is flipping from back to front now! So exciting!

Orna-momento?

So over the snowy Christmas season between grieving, breast feedings, diaper changings, tummy time, new mommy stuff etc...and some social outings too of course:) but mainly with help from my best babysitters; grandma and auntie Maudie I made these ornaments...

As I have written before that Christmas time has always been a big deal at the Johnson house with strong traditions; the hunt for the 18 footer and Dad's pants. He was always proud that he could still fit into his red,green and white plaid pants every year all the while looking quite dapper.

So with these things in mind I cut up the pants...

I took time...trying to channel my father's attention to detail and classic style all the while loving being creative again! Working with my hands!

For the front I made a monogram graphic on the computer and printed it on some organza silk made for printing at home(but a cheaper way is to iron freezer paper to muslin and cut to printer paper size-print at home-works great-anyone seen freezer paper in Turkey?)

The handle is the tie from his suspenders with some great buttons I found in my mother's collection.


















For the back I appliqued the tree with a bright red stocking cap like he would wear for the hunt as the angel topper. The red ornaments are french knot embroidery and only on the bottom half. The tree was always so tall and when we were little only the parts we could reach would get decorated.

My siblings and mother each got similarly detailed ones with a simpler version going out to the many relatives and close friends.

I love making things with special personal meaning. The details and memories intertwined in the piece to remake the cherished piece into a newly wonderful memento! Want to do more with this idea...

This christmas ornament will be out for quite a while at my house...

Have been loving and so inspired by listening to craft podcasts specifically Craftsanity with Jennifer Ackerman-Haywood!(Thanks to Verity at thelightgarden for introducing me to them when she wrote about importance of community and connections. I don't want to feel like we live on an island anymore...)

bed time now...

Handmade...

Yes, I have been writing. That is something creative at least...yes, I have the excuse of very hot and very pregnant but it has been over a year since I made something I really loved...completed something. Time to get in gear! Stop the excuses!

I decided I would post some old work to get the juices flowing until I create something new. I need to touch, to feel, to think, to create again! I graduated with an art degree for goodness sake!

The above is a tapestry I made while attending Mimar Sinan Universitesi in Istanbul. It from a photograph of my husband's and my feet on a ferry trip coming back from the Princess Islands in Istanbul. Great day; love, bicycles, ferries...

I have been quite inspired by two creative blogging sisters, one at The light garden and the other at eighty days design who both sell their work along with tons of other talented artists creating beautiful handmade items at Etsy:Your place to buy and sell all things handmade!

I do miss all my materials back in MN! My good godmother is storing them in her basement awaiting our return; my sewing machine, big tackle box of beads, book making materials, nice paper, pencils, pastels, a whole college career's work etc. etc.

As Verity at thelightgarden was musing it far more difficult to find materials in Turkey but especially in Didim! But people make things with all sorts of materials though so another part of the creative process! Recently I've been reading about several women in many countries, Turkey included creating and selling hand bags out of plastic garbage.

My sweet husband did find me an easel, few canvases and acrylics. He brought it home stuffed in the little Volkswagen to surprise me, wooden legs sticking out the windows! He is very supportive. He calls me, "my Art" and I just don't ever want to correct him to- my artist:)


















Here is my new favorite piece of handmade! Our quilted elephant bedspread that I found at the pazaar! The pazaar is packed with amazing fruits and vegetables but unfortunately the rest is mainly cheap plastic crap and fake "Prada" and "Adidas"...But I spyed this beauty and look forward to adding more to our room along the theme! Turkey has a rich history of handmade.

A painter is coming on Monday to repaint the ceilings; the cement houses hold moisture and has caused the paint to flake all over the floor daily, although we painted a few months ago???? Not good for our beautiful (almost here) baby or us but after that I can finally officially set up my tiny studio!!!!!!

Write about creative...be creative!

Newspaper artist

I found this piece hanging in the Nordstrom's shoe department at the "Mall of America"(come on Minnesotan sing the jingle song) in Minnesota, USA. At first it is a nice image of course appropriate for the shoe department but then I looked closer and was fascinated by the woven newspaper technique. I come from a Fiber Arts background and love the use of recycled materials, the texture it gives the piece and the large scale.


















Here is a close up. I researched and found from daily art muse.com(lots of good stuff!) woven newspaper paintings by Danish artist Gugger Petter. Living in California since 1986, Petter has used newspapers as a medium for her paintings for the last 18 years, rolling the paper into tubes and weaving the tubes with hemp. Here is Gugger's personal website.

My fascination with newspaper consists not only of its being “the diary of our lives”, it also presents me with a black/white/and limited color palette, which has always been my choice. My work is most often based on an over sized image, an observation of daily life, which can be seen as an abstraction as well as a representational image, where surface, subject matter, color and content all convey tension between opposites.

This inspires me to get creative again by using recycled materials and what is around me...surprise but there is no Dick Blick art stores in Didim...or any equivalent. I do miss really nice paper(any one know how to make paper?), I also have a book idea? On this blog I document daily life and love bring small activities into focus. I just need to get our new house and make myself a studio, a place where I can have all my art junk out and about to work on at any time of the day and not worry about cleaning up. Yes! Messy art fun!

P.S. I am happy for my friend Len for deciding to make art for a living, hard road but I wish her the best!

Design thinking

The suspension bridge on Spruce Street in San Diego. I used to love running on the bouncy bridge through the eucalyptus grove.

Design thinking is a process for practical, creative resolution of problems or issues that looks for an improved future result.[1] Unlike analytical thinking, design thinking is a creative process based around the "building up" of ideas. There are no judgments early on in design thinking. This eliminates the fear of failure and encourages maximum input and participation in the ideation and prototype phases. Outside the box thinking is encouraged in these earlier processes since this can often lead to creative solutions. Wikipedia

It is something I have known but the term has been so well articulated and expanded upon by some interesting individuals. I first ran across a company named Ideo that goes in teaching big companies to think creatively. They write, "We are a global design consultancy. We create impact through design. Ideo's Tim Brown blogs about creative design...I need to think, I need to be creative, I want to be focused, I need a project...this is interesting to me...this is modern art...now what do I do?

create...

I need to start making things again.

This is a piece I did while at Mimar Sinan Universitesi in Istanbul. Our material was denim.


















Who will I make these things for? More things to store in boxes as I have been a vagabond for the past few years. I am ready to settle in our own real house...with a studio, Insallah(if it is god's will)

Artist Chris Jordan...

The above is titled Toothpicks, 2008
60x96"

Depicts one hundred million toothpicks, equal to the number of trees cut in the U.S. yearly to make the paper for junk mail.

This guy is making really interesting work. He repeats an objects in beautiful ways, showing how this one object enters a bigger picture.

"I hope to raise some questions about the role of the individual in a society that is increasingly enormous, incomprehensible, and overwhelming."
-Chris Jordan-

Check out more here...

Final critique...

I just had my last official painting critique. It is a strange feeling on many levels. Ideal art critiques usually go as such, you line the room with yours and your peers finished work. The class and teacher(if you are lucky other teachers/grad. students join) and everyone walks around the room and takes in each other's work.

After some processing and side talking the class reconvenes. Maybe the students even wrote notes or followed a thought provoking question/answer handout. The teacher leads the critic and then you and your peers have a chance to voice your opinions/comments also.

In an ideal critiquing world the classes would be somewhat small so it doesn't go a ridiculous amount of time and the class does not get burned out.

In an ideal critic world teachers and students feed off each other and are into it! They want to talk to each other about art, about concepts, about what is driving them to create. People voice strengths and weaknesses and grow stronger, artistically and conceptually.

This is ideal and it wasn't until I didn't have that this last semester that I realize I miss it. It was partially my doing(I think?) since I was in and out of the studio so much going on and the language barrier was definitely there.

The studio here in Turkey was set up so that every student worked in their found personal section of the room. The teachers weren't really involved in the work and didn't seem to give feedback until once at midterm then again at the final critique(again maybe it is diff. for some Turkish students but????).

I am realizing I like more feedback through out but I am also realizing that I am graduating and won't get it unless I go to grad. school or meet lots of willing art friends to make our own group.

Also the critique today was not a class crit. It was each individual student goes in the room with his/her work, closes the door and a group of three to four teachers tells you what they think. No class discussion and no growing from hearing comments from/about other students.

I will never hold this kind of critique in the future if I teach.

There is it's own art to critiquing also. Seeing the work and articulating your words. Also at first it is really intimidating when you are on display. Making work is so personal and an attack on your work may seem like an attack to you personally.

In the beginning years too I didn't know what to say at them and didn't appreciate their importance. I was intimidated to speak and didn't think I had the right words but now let's talk.

It is a powerful thing if you can get people together to talk and they are open to positive and negative reflections and contemplations. We need this more in other places in life, politics, work place, relationships etc.

About the above painting.

On the previous post I wrote that I was excited to be finished doing projects I don't want to do. I take that back and will need to set deadlines for myself and have separate studio space(not my living room to have to set up then clean up each day). In the future I want my own messy art space.

Anyways the above painting had the concept of model and me and I didn't want to do it. I started drawing myself outside in the garden at my Istanbul house. I live with an adorable 5 yr.old and she wanted to check it out. She brought out her paints and stuck here little chair and table right next to me. She is 5 so of course she was running around up to her mom, back to me, little painting, little climbing all the while sporting a pair of purple and white bunny ears. Hard to draw a moving model. So while I was getting bored and thinking that I don't care for self portraits I gave her a brush and she started to draw on my canvas with me. She hates ants and there are tons of them so I painted a few of those into it as well.

So the above is our collaborative work. I like the process of making work far more than the finished piece but want to be proud of the finished work. I find I struggle between the free and controlled mark making.

I am ready...

..to finally finish school! This is a piece I did last fall. I better make it quick and get back to homework. I won't miss finishing projects that I don't want to be doing. I will miss the set aside time and reason for working. I will miss the GOOD teachers mentorship and meeting others with the urge to create. Note to self!

HONK-HONK.....hoooooooonnnnnkkkkk!

HONK-HONK-"hey look at me while you are peacefully walking down the street(side note actually you really need to fully stay awake and be aware of your surrounding when walking in Istanbul. I don't always feel secure even on the sidewalk.) HONK-HONK-I'm a taxi driver in Istanbul."

HONK-HONK-"hey look at me, I think that if I sneak up behind you and honk at you that you will want to magically jump in my taxi so I can try to ripe you off even though you had no intention of taking a taxi."

HONK-HONK-"hey look at me, Jump in my taxi, forget that I just scared you and made you jump 5 ft.(meters in this case) in the air and had no intention of taking a taxi or else you would be actively pursuing me."

HONK-HONK-"Hey look at me, You should jump in my taxi, just wanted you to know that I am here so you can get in but if not get the f-out of my way because I am not slowing down-actually I am going to speed up because there is no such thing as pedestrian right of way in turkey."

HONK-HONK-"move it or loose it sister(abla in Turkish) or get in so I can see that you are a yobanci(foreigner) and try to rip you off by not starting my meter or by charging you night rates during daytime hours or keep the meter going since before my last victim got out."

HONK-HONK-Hooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkk! just a quick HONK-HONK- "just to make sure you saw me and hey, do you want a ride?"

This is one of the pages from my Turkey Book. Last year I made a accordion style collage book about things I experienced and cultural differences in this then foreign to me land. The Turks are normally kind, considerate and extremely hospitable people...then they get into their cars. Madness!

My Cali friend and I used to always hold hands and mentally prepare ourselves for the crossing of the street and that was even in our little Eskisehir city. Also the truck hauling is hilarious(see my picture)! They are so overly stuffed full of whatever and sway slightly as they putt down the road.

Also the cars make up lanes. "Oh look there is a tiny little spot that I can squeeze through so I can make a third lane and get up front-great!" Pedestrian right of way seems to be unheard of. Seat belts are barely worn.

On a less comic note, sadly, there have been many deaths from this culturally accepted do or die way of driving.

My boyfriend came to the States, "wow. It's so calm to drive here." He is a good driver though.

Ok off to school and no I will not be taking a taxi.

Field trip...

An International cable manufacturer in here in Turkey is partnering with my host university. The company sponsored us students to ferry boat across the sea and tour their company.














We got to tour the factory and see how they make all the different types of cables from different sizes of copper wires to fire resistant new technologies. I love learning about these industrial places. The large scale, the metal, the smells but I wouldn't want to work there. Nice place to visit...


















After our educational tour of big business we art students were able to dig through the companies waste area digging out crazy materials, melted plastic forms, copper bands, colored wires etc. We were like kids in a candy store. It is funny when poor art students get things for free.


















The point of this field trip is that the company will sponsor an art exhibition. We get free materials and they get publicity and a new use for their products. The art students will make sketches and small mock ups of future works. After a jury will decide whose pieces to sponsor and create full scale with any cable materials they like. It makes for a harmonious relationship.

Still can't get used to it...

Turkish Toilet














My painting praising toilet paper...














Close up of the beloved paper...

So I have been here for almost six months and it just doesn't get easier for me. Someone tried to tell me Turkish toilets are more sanitary...I guess because not everyone sits on the same seat. How about seat covers? Also when you are peeing it splashes up onto your feet...gross!! Another thing that I am still not used to is having to carry toilet paper around in my purse because a MAJORITY of places do not offer it. I guess I am spoiled by the public toilets in America. There is usually never any soap either, but they do have lemon flavored alcohol cologne that everyone is always squirting all over their hands before or after they eat. Turks also seem to love the smell...blah lemon flavored rubbing alcohol. I do like how normally you get these hand wipes after eating (even though they are normally lemon flavored alcohol ones). It seems a little better you are actually wiping germs off instead of just rubbing them around on your hand. I have learned to horde these little wippy treasures in my purse for situations like above when I am faced without toilet paper or soap. The painting above just makes me laugh. I really do praise the little packets of Kleenex they sell around here. Also at restaurants my friends and I are always sticking napkins in our purses just in case. And to clean the toilets they just hose them down with water...OK easy but..then there are gross muddy foot prints everywhere???????And people don't flush them so some omit horrid odors!!! Ohhh Sweet Turkey I really do love you though...

Complete Inspiration

Sagrada Familia


















Sagrada Familia inside

This is one of Antoni Gaudi's many masterpieces throughout Barcelona. This Church was started in 1882 and Gaudi worked on it for over forty years until his death. The project continues and is only 50 percent complete. They anticipate 25 more years of work. The reason I am so inspired by Gaudi is his respect and love for nature. His muse is nature as is mine. Really please go tto Barcelona so you can fully appreciate it.

With the flower pots, surrounded by vines and olives, cheered by the clucking of the hens, the twittering of the birds and the buzzing of insects, and with the mountains of Prades in the background, I captured the purest and most pleasing images of nature, who is ever my mistress. -Antoni Gaudi-

Sweet fruits of my labor????

Here is a little taste of the painting room at school. Paint everywhere but that means there is work going on! I like it a little dirty! Charcoal and oil pastels are fun. Cay(tea) and ciggarettes all over the room (yes you can smoke in the classrooms...a little different than cali). Below is my first painting done in Turkey...


















I believe I will call it "Sitting in Your Eyes." The name is inspired by the book Honeymoon in Purdah, An Iranian Journey by Alison Wearing. I highly recommend the book. It is about a Canadian girl's travels and the people she meets throughout Iran. A friend gave it to me before I left and it was amazing to read while becoming acclimatted to the Turkish life. The quote that inspired me is this...

"At the top of the stairs, he pauses before opening the door to his house. 'I invite you to our home where I live with my family. I do not ask to you if you are good person. Already I see it: your heart it is sitting in your eyes'."

They had just met this man who invited them into thier home. I find Turkish people doing this all the time. Here have some tea...let me feed you... and we will talk with our eyes, our hands and small words since my Turkish is so awesome(haha). Also the small pocket dictionary is my new good friend! Do American people do this? I feel like many of us are scared of strangers? What will they do to me...blah blah blah??? Or is it I am more aware of talking with eyes and communicating in other ways because I can't speak the language? Sometimes it is nice to just see and feel peoples actions rather than listening to a bullshit story round and round in circles...Words can be a beautiful, beautiful thing as long as they are backed with action. What do you think? Talk to me...(haha)