split in two...

Yes, this ancient olive tree is fabulous although split in two and holey.



Feeling split in two and holey myself lately, my two worlds yet to collide, but like the wonderful olive tree surprising new branches have sprung in spite of; some from the roots and some from the branches.



Love the contrast in the fields between the vibrancy of the new growth with the dullness of the olive tree branches.

Has really cooled off here...windy...brrr...this is when I miss central heating!

Good talking to you today my dear family...miss u terribly...

Making new holiday traditions?

Well, the weather has been absolutely gorgeous here next to the Aegean Sea. How can it possibly be December without a snow flake in sight or an obnoxious/fabulous scene of consumerism? Merry Christmas anyone?

How do you celebrate holidays in a country that doesn't celebrate the ones that are dear to your heart?

This will be my first Christmas away from my family in 31 years but it will be my first with my hubby, second with our baby girl and first together as a little family...

How can I bring Santa to Turkey? How can I get my husband who has never celebrated this before and has no idea the colossal scale of it stateside/ familyside into it?

Where is my father to go chop down the tree?

Well I'm starting out by decorating our cafe...



Since everywhere you look there is green popping up all around. The vibrancy of new green, new growth(filiz) is gorgeous. There are many of the green trimmings around the neighborhood that my mother would get from my auntie working at the greenhouse to decorate with; huge pepper berry trees, vines, different types of pines. So I will start there...I love gathering, scavenging...



There are lots of pines cones to work with too, fabulous ones of different shapes and sizes... and there is my best little helper, who needs rudolph:)

I've been singing her lots of Christmas carols as we gather.

I made some wreathes today with pictures to follow.

P.S. super annoying that again blogger host of private domains is banned in Turkey because they didn't like one then the rest get banned too??? So I can post my blog but can't look at it...uggg...get it together people! Any suggestions on moving my blog? etc?

Thanksgiving; the girl effect.

Thanksgiving translates in Turkish to şükür, praise, thanks, hallelujah...

Çok Şükür...

I am alive.

I have a patient husband who adores me and who has an amazing ability to live in the now while having incredible acuity towards the future.

Our daughter, there are not words. I had her later in life with the husband I chose. She was made from love in a safe and nurturing home.

I come from strong women and have met so many along the road; these are my role models, my counselors, my support groups...

"Good women- may we know them, may we be them, may we raise them"

I have really been pondering this as I was reintroduced to an organization, the girl effect.



Powerful huh?

At 12 I was in 6th grade feeling completely awkward; embarrassed when people told me I looked like DJ Tanner but religiously watching Full House, of course. I would bead on my bed. In the safety of my mother and father's little house. Surrounded by siblings and love.

Just trying to make it into the big junior high...

But what if I was born into something different?

What if I wasn't allowed the time to grow up myself before I had a baby?
Babies having babies...

What if born with a mental or physical handicap in a culture that doesn't know how to treat or nuture it. What if I was thrown on the street and no one had saw the NEED TO HELP?

Although I have been struggling with my life abroad I have the choice.

Help these girls know that they even have a choice...

Word of mouth is a powerful thing. The simplicity in thier message makes it seem like a plausible future...The girl effect blogging campaign...tag you are it...pass it on...

Be grateful and generous...Emily remember

Gratitude

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.
It turns what we have into enough,and more.
It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.
It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. ~ Melody Beattie

Purple findings...

Since I was young I have loved findings; gorgeous examples of nature noticed surrounding me.

At our house initially you look out and see three colors- that beautiful blue water reflecting whatever hue the weather is that day, green from the shrubs and bushes struggling to grow from the beige rock beneath it.

Of course if you look closer there is much more to behold. Today I found purple.
Not lilacs and violets from my youth but sea urchin shells, olives, greens with hints of purple stems, shells, broken lighter (plastic seems to find it's way in wherever you are), heather flowers, thistles(it got me...ouch!), and daisies.

Fall here is like a spring again. I have to be honest...I did go swimming yesterday. It was a freak hot day and my hubby talked me into it after he went fishing. Chilly but great.

The winds have found there way back though. They will blow the rain in soon. Following all the rain and a week of hot weather life is popping up everywhere. Seeds dormant during the long, HOT, dry summer.

Inspiration for this shot from resurrection fern, Andy Goldsworthy, mother nature herself:)

The light, Our light...

I love how photography allows you to capture and play with light so beautifully!



Maybe it's clique but she has been our light, our families have been through alot alot alot this past year. Her little presence helps us all remember that life goes on, is beautiful and there is so much to be curious about...

My sister-in-law's sister is relaying racing for cancer if you have a few dollars to spare...

Baby girl dipped her toes in the sea for the first time on her 8 month birthday...

Thistle...

Find beauty in the "weeds".

Didim is...

...because one loves what one knows...

This is my first wild flower bouquet of the season. I am happy to see I picked it on Earth day, April 22nd but didn't realize it as it is not celebrated here but I plan to spread the love next year!

I particularly love the sort of hops looking grass that looks too heavy for it's thin stem as dangles wildly in the wind...

I have recently stumbled across a blog, Resurrection Fern. She posts photos of her wonderful crocheted stones and the beauty that surrounds her. She recently posted about getting to know your local patch of earth.

"What can turn us from this deserted future, back into the sphere of our being, the great dance that joins us to our home, to each other and to other creatures, to the dead and unborn? I think it is love. I am perforce aware how baldly and embarrassingly that word now lies on the page—for we have learned at once to overuse it, abuse it, and hold it in suspicion. But I do not mean any kind of abstract love (adolescent, romantic, or "religious"), which is probably a contradiction in terms, but particular love for particular things, places, creatures, and people, requiring stands, acts, showing its successes and failures in practical or tangible effects. And it implies a responsibility just as particular, not grim or merely dutiful, but rising out of generosity. I think that this sort of love defines the effective range of human intelligence, the range within its works can be dependably beneficent. Only the action that is moved by love for the good at hand has the hope of being responsible and generous. Desire for the future produces words that cannot be stood by. But love makes language exact, because one loves only what one knows."
— Wendell Berry

...BECAUSE ONE LOVES ONLY WHAT ONE KNOWS...

must read more of that man?

tired...enough...many more thoughts but enough for today...

good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite:)

Grammy...

Grammy went to heaven today...

She is giving my dad and Ali kisses. Maybe they'll teach her tavla(backgammon)?

She was 90. It was time. She had been wanting to just "go home" for a long time. It was a blessing really. Grandpa wants to follow her close behind. He is her "best kisser" after all...

"one for me, one for you, and one for us" Every time 3 kisses.

They have been married for over 65 years...wow!

I feel fortunate to have so many beautiful memories of my grandparents, their green house with the door always open, bells ringing, the round kitchen table and always plenty of food. The big gardens outside, grammy's raspberry jam, mmm...summer tomatoes with basil, vinegar, and tons of garlic...

She was a great cook!

Grandma never complained, "I'm fine", was so humble, kind, and...

These times are when it is so hard to live abroad...

It was past time for grammy to go but wish I could be hearing the memories shared as everyone takes turn laughing and crying in her honor...listening to "Amazing Grace" in church...hugging the tons and tons of relatives that come with big families who all live close by each other...

It is so different when someone passes at the ripe old age of 90, more a blessing than anything as opposed to 57- then you just feel robbed of time-like it isn't quite fair.

Grandpa will follow soon I'm sure and it will be amazing when the little green house that nurtured 7 babies and tons of grand babies and great-grand babies with the 50 year old willow tree in front? Another constant - a root that will be severed that I am going to have to get used to...ohhh man...

Dear grandma, I love you so much...Goodnight...sweet dreams...

Love, Em

Avokado and school lunches...

I found some here and they are even grown in Turkey! I wonder where? Anyone know how to grow them? I want a tree for Didim! Will have to make some guacamole!

Does anyone know what wine is good here? Haven't found any I care for yet.

Makes me think of California. Avocados and good wine.

Always impressed by the TED website: Ideas worth spreading. These particular videos I have been watching are about food; particularly how out of touch many Americans are about where it comes from, how to make it and what it is doing...the rest of the world isn't far behind...

Sharing powerful stories from his anti-obesity project in Huntington, W. Va., TED Prize winner Jamie Oliver makes the case for an all-out assault on our ignorance of food.

"renegade lunch lady" Ann Cooper talks about the coming revolution in the way kids eat at school -- local, sustainable, seasonal and even educational food.

In this fiery and funny talk, New York Times food writer Mark Bittman weighs in on what's wrong with the way we eat now (too much meat, too few plants; too much fast food, too little home cooking), and why it's putting the entire planet at risk.



Very inspirational videos. I feel fortunate that I was always raised around gardens with an understanding of how to cook and what a good garden tomato tastes like, what the plant looks like, how they smell. But I still have tons to learn...When we go back to didim for the summer hope to plant a garden(one that thrives unlike last year..) and compost. Start to understand what organic gardening takes.

The above videos refer to the disgusting state of American school lunches. This is a topic that has greatly disturbed my darling sister as she researches it for her master in public health. I can say when I went to university in Turkey I was always impressed with the state schools and I experienced it in the hospitals when I had baby dear a decent lunch program-well balanced. Also it was so cheap like 1TL(75 cents) per day which is unheard of in USA...Ok some days were hit or miss but it was nice to have the option and I loved the metal trays and always gave you real silverware- not plastic throw away stuff that adds to the landfill problems...



P.S. mom thanks for making our school lunches everyday of our school lives.

Balance...patience...building blocks...

I am floundering to find balance these days...

Balance with time.

Balance between being a good mom and having a second(ok I need a few hours even just once a week) to blog, to breathe, to think, to create, to be by myself all the while trying to nurture my marriage. ("but it's you turn to take her...")

Balance with looking towards the future and at the same time remember to live in the NOW! Our always tentative "plan" of living in Turkey these next 2-3 years then moving to Minnesota vs. living in the present enjoying my daughter growing, enjoying being a stay-at-home mom, enjoying my husband. Will I be so happy once we go back to MN for me? Will I have to work so much there that I will miss being a stay-at-home mom? It is actually a privilege that many don't have and yet I would like more?

Finding and exploring the benefits to this foreign life and to not stunting my growth by concentrating on moving back "home".

Balance with the idea of home. What makes a place home? a person home? What do I want in a home? Our new "home" is in Eskişehir even though neither of us want to stay here. This struggle between furnishing a big house and making it feel like home but not wanting to spend money. Just wanting to save since this is temporary? But I am so sick of constantly moving around and going back and forth between California and Turkey, then Minnesota and Turkey between cities within Turkey and back to USA.

I feel in a strange suspended state and yet it has been the craziest years of my life? Strange?

Balance between new roles and old independence. Balance with the freedom I should have(my husband thinks I have) since I don't "work" but balancing a job that is constant 24/7-motherhood.

When I think of myself as a traveler coming into Turkey I was fearless. Go anywhere ask anyone anything some how but now I have become so dependent on my husband to help me do things; a simple as call the water man to get water and to come with me to buy the new sewing machine I desperately want. What changed or did it change? Is this just real life living now not just vagabonding student? Or does he spoil me so because he just wants me to be happy and I let him and I have inhibited my independence somehow? Language is really what has hindered me. I am learning of course but still not there yet...

He isn't there yet either with his English sometimes I want to scream when I can't just speak without dulling down the vocabulary and yet I know that language learning is difficult -you really need to work at it- writing, studying!

I feel like I have been musing these same things this for the past year...uggg...


















I feel like something is brewing inside of me though...I need to make some things! I have many yummy ideas now mavisu and I need to go walk around the city and find a few supplies!

I feel like there are alot of awesome women(many expat and many mommas) doing some great things; art, connecting, helping, nuturing, talking, building relationships, building blocks!

A few great sites...expat+HAREM many great links to interesting women who share their stories and ideas!

expatwomen the home sick mother reminders resonate recently!:)

Also those great crafty sanity podcast I am eating up!

There is such power in hearing peoples stories and it is exciting times with etsy and social networking-some tips on using it prfessionally from Intarsia concept


Turkish houses/apartments are always made from these hollow bricks rebar and lots of cement. I am always facinated to watch them use random peices of wood to build molds for the cement.

Now home is where ever my husband and daughter are...

Again...sleep...

Need some rebar and cement...

Oh yes and baby girl is flipping from back to front now! So exciting!

Take something from the fog...

Guess where she got those big brown eyes?

So "mama" in English of course is mother but in Turkish it means baby food, nursing etc. and is actually also used for pet food.

I refer to my husband as "baba"-daddy when I speak to baby girl about him and he is trying to use "mama' but usually slips to say "anne"-Turkish for mother since mama has that double meaning. He's trying...

I just would like her to refer to me as "mama"- the mother I know not Anne but I bet it will all work out- We are doing well adjusting to the flow of our little family...

Below are lovely words that Keryn at eighty days design had posted and I needed to share with others...Also check out her great pictures and gorgeous cards...

"When we feel muddled and unfocused, unsure of which way to turn, we say we are in a fog. Similar to when we are in a fog in nature, we may feel like we can’t see where we’re going or where we’ve come from, and we’re afraid if we move too quickly we might run into something hidden in the mists that seem to surround us. Being in a fog necessarily slows us down by limiting our visibility. The best choice may be to pull over and wait for the murkiness to clear. If we move at all, we must go slowly, feeling our way and keeping our eyes open for shapes emerging from the haze, perhaps relying on the taillights of someone in front of us as we make our way along the road. By and large, most of us prefer to be able to see where we are going and move steadfastly in that direction, but there are gifts that come from being in a fog. Sometimes it takes an obstacle like fog to get us to stop and be still in the moment, doing nothing. In this moment of involuntary inactivity, we may look within and find that the source of our fogginess is inside us; it could be some emotional issue that needs tending before we can safely go full steam ahead.


Being in a fog reminds us that when we cannot see outside ourselves, we can always make progress by looking within. Then again, the fog may simply be teaching us important lessons about how to continue moving forward with extreme caution, harnessing our attention, watching closely for new information, and being ready to stop on a dime. We cannot predict when a fog will come, nor can we know for certain when it will lift, but we can center ourselves in the haze and wait for guidance. We may find it inside ourselves or in a pair of barely visible taillights just ahead. Whether we follow the lights out of the fog, wait for a gentle breeze to lift it, or allow the sun to burn it away, we can rest certain that one way or another, we will move forward with clarity once again"

Words from Daily Om

Handmade...

Yes, I have been writing. That is something creative at least...yes, I have the excuse of very hot and very pregnant but it has been over a year since I made something I really loved...completed something. Time to get in gear! Stop the excuses!

I decided I would post some old work to get the juices flowing until I create something new. I need to touch, to feel, to think, to create again! I graduated with an art degree for goodness sake!

The above is a tapestry I made while attending Mimar Sinan Universitesi in Istanbul. It from a photograph of my husband's and my feet on a ferry trip coming back from the Princess Islands in Istanbul. Great day; love, bicycles, ferries...

I have been quite inspired by two creative blogging sisters, one at The light garden and the other at eighty days design who both sell their work along with tons of other talented artists creating beautiful handmade items at Etsy:Your place to buy and sell all things handmade!

I do miss all my materials back in MN! My good godmother is storing them in her basement awaiting our return; my sewing machine, big tackle box of beads, book making materials, nice paper, pencils, pastels, a whole college career's work etc. etc.

As Verity at thelightgarden was musing it far more difficult to find materials in Turkey but especially in Didim! But people make things with all sorts of materials though so another part of the creative process! Recently I've been reading about several women in many countries, Turkey included creating and selling hand bags out of plastic garbage.

My sweet husband did find me an easel, few canvases and acrylics. He brought it home stuffed in the little Volkswagen to surprise me, wooden legs sticking out the windows! He is very supportive. He calls me, "my Art" and I just don't ever want to correct him to- my artist:)


















Here is my new favorite piece of handmade! Our quilted elephant bedspread that I found at the pazaar! The pazaar is packed with amazing fruits and vegetables but unfortunately the rest is mainly cheap plastic crap and fake "Prada" and "Adidas"...But I spyed this beauty and look forward to adding more to our room along the theme! Turkey has a rich history of handmade.

A painter is coming on Monday to repaint the ceilings; the cement houses hold moisture and has caused the paint to flake all over the floor daily, although we painted a few months ago???? Not good for our beautiful (almost here) baby or us but after that I can finally officially set up my tiny studio!!!!!!

Write about creative...be creative!

Need some inspiration or a positive attitude?

This fabulous photo was a fabulous time with two of my many good girlfriends who I miss. Deborah, Tanya and I cliff jumping on the Big Island, Hawaii.(I forgot the spots name...anyone?)

This post isn't about cliff jumping though just inspiring adventure and that was a great adventure! I want to point out a website to those of you feeling uninspired lately(me) and downtrodden by all the news of the global economic crisis, everything sucks blah blah blah...It is the TED website, Ideas Worth Spreading.

TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design. It started out (in 1984) as a conference bringing together people from those three worlds. Since then its scope has become ever broader.

The annual conference now brings together the world's most fascinating thinkers and doers, who are challenged to give the talk of their lives

The first one I watched was from Elizabeth Gilbert, The author of that wonderful little book, "Eat, Pray, Love" and her thoughts on cultivating genius.

There are talks from Jane Goodall, Bono, Bill Gates,Sylvia Earle on the state of the oceans, so many interesting people from a range of themes; design, innovation, art, environment...

I look forward to watching more at TED and hope you will too.

Newspaper artist

I found this piece hanging in the Nordstrom's shoe department at the "Mall of America"(come on Minnesotan sing the jingle song) in Minnesota, USA. At first it is a nice image of course appropriate for the shoe department but then I looked closer and was fascinated by the woven newspaper technique. I come from a Fiber Arts background and love the use of recycled materials, the texture it gives the piece and the large scale.


















Here is a close up. I researched and found from daily art muse.com(lots of good stuff!) woven newspaper paintings by Danish artist Gugger Petter. Living in California since 1986, Petter has used newspapers as a medium for her paintings for the last 18 years, rolling the paper into tubes and weaving the tubes with hemp. Here is Gugger's personal website.

My fascination with newspaper consists not only of its being “the diary of our lives”, it also presents me with a black/white/and limited color palette, which has always been my choice. My work is most often based on an over sized image, an observation of daily life, which can be seen as an abstraction as well as a representational image, where surface, subject matter, color and content all convey tension between opposites.

This inspires me to get creative again by using recycled materials and what is around me...surprise but there is no Dick Blick art stores in Didim...or any equivalent. I do miss really nice paper(any one know how to make paper?), I also have a book idea? On this blog I document daily life and love bring small activities into focus. I just need to get our new house and make myself a studio, a place where I can have all my art junk out and about to work on at any time of the day and not worry about cleaning up. Yes! Messy art fun!

P.S. I am happy for my friend Len for deciding to make art for a living, hard road but I wish her the best!

Half full...

Reading the newspaper, watching the news can be depressing these days. Most of the talk is concerning the financial crisis which has hit the whole world not just The US. I feel for people that have lost their homes and their jobs. Then you think who is next? Do I have job security? It is extremely hard to live in fear! I was introduced via fellow Turkey blogger, Turkish Muse to the terms scarcity mentality and abundance mentality. Here is a little from Wikihow, an article "How to cultivate an abundance mentality" for these hard times...

Much of society seems to be built on a scarcity mentality. It's a mentality that tells people that there is a lack in life, that opportunities are few and far between. This is, of course, useful for society because if people feel that there is a lack, then you can get them to buy stuff; thus, the economy and society can continue to live and prosper by reinforcing a scarcity mentality in people.

The scarcity mentality can be quite painful for the individual and create a lot of unnecessary fear, anxiety and desperation. An abundance mentality, on the other hand, tells you that there are always new chances and opportunities. This relieves much of the pressure you may feel if you have a scarcity mentality that makes you think that you've only got one shot right now. Or it makes you feel like an utter failure just because you stumbled and things didn’t work out. An abundance mentality can help you improve your performance since with it, you’re creating a lot less pressure and anxieties within your own mind.

Please check out tips for your own positive cultivation at Wikihow

One thing about Turkey is that people find jobs WHEREVER they possible can, çayci(person who just makes tea and coffee all day for an office),no one ever pumps their own gas and selling tissue packages or bananas on the side of the toll booths on the busy highway! Things were hard there before this "ekonomik cris" and have since escalated. The above photo is an example of an interesting way to make a buck. Men will string out balloons into the Bosporus sea in Istanbul. They will bring their Bebe gun and charge a few YTL to let people try their steady hand at shooting. Bosporus balloon game.

Get creative, celebrate moderation, loose the sense of entitlement and appreciate what you have...

Design thinking

The suspension bridge on Spruce Street in San Diego. I used to love running on the bouncy bridge through the eucalyptus grove.

Design thinking is a process for practical, creative resolution of problems or issues that looks for an improved future result.[1] Unlike analytical thinking, design thinking is a creative process based around the "building up" of ideas. There are no judgments early on in design thinking. This eliminates the fear of failure and encourages maximum input and participation in the ideation and prototype phases. Outside the box thinking is encouraged in these earlier processes since this can often lead to creative solutions. Wikipedia

It is something I have known but the term has been so well articulated and expanded upon by some interesting individuals. I first ran across a company named Ideo that goes in teaching big companies to think creatively. They write, "We are a global design consultancy. We create impact through design. Ideo's Tim Brown blogs about creative design...I need to think, I need to be creative, I want to be focused, I need a project...this is interesting to me...this is modern art...now what do I do?

Eline Saglik = health to your hands

This is one of my favorite sayings in Turkish. There is a line over the g to make it soft g. This means "health to your hands". It is thanking the person for cooking something for you, making something for you, anything they did with their own two hands. I just like how it personalizes the thank you so much. You are really acknowledging that person's effort. We thanked our carpenter and his three boy's today for making Tequila's new dog house. Winter has come to Didim and brought the wind and rain. She needs a warm little spot.


Eline Saglik also reminds me also of Ben Harper's song, "My own two hands"

I can change the world
With my own two hands
Make a better place
With my own two hands
Make a kinder place
With my own two hands
With my own
With my own two hands
I can make peace on earth
With my own two hands
I can clean up the earth
With my own two hands
I can reach out to you
With my own two hands
With my own
With my own two hands

Im gonna make it a brighter place
Im gonna make it a safer place
Im gonna help the human race
With my own
With my own two hands

I can hold you
With my own two hands
I can comfort you
With my own two hands
But you got to use
Use your own two hands
Use your own
Use your own two hands

With our own
With our own two hands
With my own
With my own two hands

I think people forget that they can do things themselves sometimes. They look to the government or something else to fix, save, make their life or families lives better but there is a a lot one person or a group can do. Sometimes it can seem overwhelming to start because you do only have two hands.

create...

I need to start making things again.

This is a piece I did while at Mimar Sinan Universitesi in Istanbul. Our material was denim.


















Who will I make these things for? More things to store in boxes as I have been a vagabond for the past few years. I am ready to settle in our own real house...with a studio, Insallah(if it is god's will)