37 weeks...

I am now 37 weeks pregnant. I am big...my belly is big, my breasts are big, my moles are big, my hands are big, my feet are big, my hips feel big, my emotions are big...my memory is small though(I have the pregnancy brain- uh what was I doing?)

We are ready to meet our child, to kiss her, to smell her, to see what a mixture of our two families she looks like. Her due date is September 13th(my beautiful parents anniversary). Of course only like 5% of babies come on the due date and time does fly!

I am also ready to have my body back. Although I still have some fear for the laboring process especially in this foreign land I am also so pregnant and everything hurts just a little from carrying around 12 extra kilos(26 pounds). And really I never knew one could pee so often...

I moan when I get up, I ache when I go down, I waddle everywhere and I can't do most things myself anymore. A painter came yesterday so the ceiling are no longer chipping away and a cleaning women came today to help with the mess and give us a full sweep through to get us ready. I am stubborn and still think I can do it myself- then I try to bend down- lots of grunting and heavy breathing-forget about it- give in to the help! Thank goodness the cleaning women came because I started trying to clean myself yesterday(with the help of hubby)but I am hurting because of it today.

My husband knows my tone, the way I say his name when I have a project for him. Because although my memory is impaired, my list writing skills are very keen right now! My list, his list, our list:) He is a trooper and he knows how to make me laugh when I want to cry:)

It is good that baby growing takes so long, 10 months, why do they say 9? You have a while to get used to the idea. I quickly got over the initial shock of "oh my goodness we are pregnant" and have gone through many stages currently having progressed to the "We are so excited to meet her and now please give me my body back!"

Anyone know of an actual massage therapist in Didim? I wish...

Most important of all this is please just let our child come healthy...her mommy can hold out, "take one for the team" (yes, me in third person) and really I have been really fortunate to have had a healthy pregnancy just these last few days I have been feeling so big!

"Have you seen my rose-tinted glasses?"

Hubby and I went on a little adventure yesterday to Kuşadasi to visit some friends. We toured in our new to us- used Suzuki Samurai(yes friends so similar to my old tracker just white instead of pink). We nicknamed it Kangaroo because it bounces so much...our unborn child was not happy about this! Don't ride in bouncy cars for an extended period of time when you are 8 plus months pregnant- not ok! But we made it safely back with the help of several breaks and no premature labor thank goodness!

In Turkey gas(petrol) is about 3TL per LITER. Which means there are 3.785411 liters per Gallon in USA and 4.54609 liters per gallon from UK. So 3TL x 3.785411= 11.36TL per gallon / dollar exchange rate of $1.4 = $8.11 per gallon. So my darling Americans when u get sad or frustrated by gas prices just remember the rest of the world has it much more expensive! So people explore other methods like Tüplu, natural gas to run the car. Our little samurai has a black cylinder in the trunk where you fill it with natural gas and it only costs 1.68TL per Liter. I was initially worried about the safety of this method but my father assured me it is a great developing technology, our Tüplu araba.

Also my most recent column is out from Voices newspaper. My search to find balance between my love and dislike of everything Turkish in "HAVE YOU SEEN MY ROSE-TINTED GLASSES?"

P.S. I have changed my site address from www.ohhhsweetturkey.blogspot.com to just www.ohhhsweeturkey.com. So for those of you who have this site bookmarked you might want to modify it- thanks for reading!

Birthing in Turkey update...

Thanks to all who have commented and validated my birthing fears from the previous post. It means a lot to read the comments of encouragement and advice.

My fears have lessened though. We toured the local hospital. Although it is not glamorous at all. It is clean. One of the midwives gave us a tour. Although she doesn't speak English she seemed nice enough. I saw the room where you start laboring in. I am going to take the advice to labor at home as long as possible! It is small with two beds but there is a bath tub in the bathroom which I was excited about and a non-Turkish toilet!!! There may be another laboring women in there with me or may not depending on timing of course. I made sure to ask if I was allowed to move around if I wanted. Midwife said that was fine.

When you fully go into labor you are moved to another big open room. It has a big yellow chair with stirrups(reminded me slightly of a torture chair but trying not to think like that). I am a little nervous because she said there is no pain medicine available until after the birth. But my mom said she didn't have any and if she can do it so can I-hopefully(errr)!

When the baby comes she will be kept with me which is really important to me. After the baby is born together you are moved to a third room with several beds and watched for 6 hours. Your husband is allowed in for this.

Then as long as everything has gone well and you and baby dear are healthy you are moved to a private room where you, your husband and new baby can sleep the night and again as long as everything looks good you go home the next day.

We asked the midwife if my husband could be there for the birth and she said it was the doctors decision. So we went back down to see my doctor. She approved that my husband could come in for the delivery and possibly my mother-in-law also!!! Thank goodness!!!!!!!! I am not sure if it was the previous balling that did it or what? She really has been a good doc though. She has a very modern private practice it is just the State Hospital that leaves something to be desired!

For me this equaled relief. I was ready to go searching long and hard but I think it will be ok? Even if the hospital isn't very glamorous as I said at least I will have some support through the ordeal.

This whole experience so far has brought up so many questions?

Why wouldn't men be allowed in? Actually anyone else at all?

I ASSUMED it was considering this is a predominantly Muslim country and since it is a shared birthing room that men wouldn't be able to see someone that wasn't their wife or something?

But my husband said it is because recently in Turkey there have been a few outbreaks in hospitals that lead to infant deaths. Here is one article from Daily Zaman...one outbreak in Bursa.

Neither reasons are very comforting...

Also for the record this rule isn't at every hospital across Turkey but my husband reminds me that we live in a village, more like a resort town, but anyways it is small. In Istanbul or another big city there are more options.

I think it also has to do with expectations. Maybe Turkish women don't expect their husbands to be there. They just assume the doctor knows what is going on? I have been reading that Turkey has a bad reputation for a very mechanical births and quick to give cesareans. But as America did for years but then women started wanting more from their birthing experience.

Maybe the doctors don't necessarily want frantic husbands in the room who are worried about their wives being in so much pain especially since there are soooo few birthing classes so people haven't been educated on how to deal with the pain, the breathing, the process, how to help and not just be in the way?

I have thought about going to Bodrum for the birth to Özel Bodrum Hastanesi. I have an English friend here who chose that hospital and feels good about it. They have an English nurse thereö Sarah Aslanç My husband is worried that he wouldn't be able to drive me there in time and then we would have the baby in the car and would have to name her Bodrum...he's funny:)

But we have been trying to self educate and now he realizes that laboring takes a long time.

I have been directed to a few resources for natural birth/classes/doula type things in Turkey...

For one there is a yahoo health forum group...naturalbirthturkey

There is one American Doula who sounds wonderful named Julia Steils who I wish I could meet with but we are too far from Istanbul. Her site is http://www.fullcirclehealing.org.

The other is a Turkish Doctor named Dr. Hakan Çoker who practices out of Maramaris,teaching lamaze which is also a bit far for us but i am waiting to hear back from him if he has some weekend classes. His site is www.dogaldogum.com.

If that doesn't work I am going to try to get a lamaze video from Amazon or something...but the mail always takes so long??? What to do?

For now I am feeling better and again thanks for the advice and support...

More to come...she will be here so soon!

Birth...different vs. same

When I travel I embrace the differences I find in a culture. A different way of doing things, making things, different food, and ideas. I can honestly say I have been saddened at times to find some big foreign cities looking a little to much like America but the part America I don't care for either with strip malls and fast food joints.

But the longer I live abroad the more of a treat it is to drink an OCCASIONAL Starbucks or order a Mcdonald's cheeseburger...the familiar...

We went to the doctor yesterday. We had our ultrasound and got to see our little one. The doctor said she is looking really healthy and tall, inşallah! I am feeling good and so is my husband so I know this is what is important but...

About a month ago I asked our doctor about hospitals and informed her I want a natural birth as long as everything is going well. She said the local Didim hospital was fine for natural births and that we had plenty of time to think about all that(still three months at the time). So we just touched on it lightly then.

Well we went yesterday(a month later) and I asked again about the hospital. She started to describe it...

One room you labor in with two beds and maybe you are alone or maybe another women is laboring in there with you...ok...then she proceeds to say that no one is allowed in the room- especially men- meaning even my husband can't come in...ok...fight back the tears emily...She said I would be in the room by myself with a mid-wife who speaks only Turkish occasionally being checked on by her, my doctor(who speaks English and has been really good so far for the record). After I labor the baby out(which can take several hours), basically by myself with no laboring partner which is typical in America-a partner, I am then watched for 6 hours and then moved to my private room where my husband can come in finally with other family....

I couldn't hold them back anymore! Balling hysterically! This news brought visions of myself in an impersonal, inhospitable concrete room since all buildings are made of concrete around here-the paint chipping away-as it often does. The room is hot in temperature most likely since "we"(meaning they) wouldn't want me or the baby to get sick- remember there is this fear of the cold in this culture. Me-alone except for a strange mid-wife who only speaks Turkish to hold my hand and smile at me. All while confined to the bed and not allowed to move(even though I want to be moving and changing positions alot) until I painfully pop my first child out all while some other Turkish lady lay laboring next to me. All with just a Turkish toilet in the hall to use. And I can only see my husband and in-laws 6 hours after the whole ordeal. No husband or support to swear at, to massage me, to get me cold water, to make me laugh when I want to cry. Or to speak English with!

This is all still two months away. I know I am partially just being a hormonal pregnant woman and picturing the worst but partially this sounds awful and like nightmare not a beautiful birthing experience. I also just get sad some days that I am having our child miles away from my family and my mom and sister can't come here anymore even though it is for very important reasons. Although my dear friend and her mother have offered to come...but will they be allowed in?

I know that people have been having babies for millions of years under much less glamorous circumstances but I am just scared. It is my first baby, far from home and my only real family/support here, my husband is not allowed next to me. I just want to feel comfortable and at least slightly in control of the whole situation.

In USA, and England I know for sure, it is common for you and your labor partner(most likely your husband) to go through birthing classes together where you learn what to expect for the most part. How to breath through the contractions, how your partner can help you through them with holding techniques, coaching and massage. Your partner is always allowed in the room with you. Also most people write a birthing plan- a letter stating their wants and needs for the birth. It can be looked at as a beautiful bonding experience instead of just lonely painful one while my husband smokes cigarettes outside unaware of what is happening.

In Turkey they have nothing like this. No preparatory classes. Ok so rarely. I wonder if this is why so many of the women I have talked to chose cesarean sections over natural births-FEAR-fear of the unknown?

As I balled in the doctors office my doctor assured me several times she would help me but how exactly? She also reminded me that I speak Turkish- but not that well I reminded her! My husband and my mother-in-law both assured me they would find a way into the room by contacting the head of the hospital or stealing doctors lab coats to sneak in. I know they will do it too:)

I know it will all get worked out. Our baby will come. I need to build myself up and hold strong to what I want though!

We are going to go see the hospital next week so I can actually picture myself in the "dreaded room". Does my baby stay with me after she is born? This is important to me. Also if I still don't feel comfortable with it all we will have to find a different hospital.

There I wrote it down, I released it, Now I need to move forward and know my baby will be coming soon whether I love my laboring situation or not.

The most important is that she is healthy. She is moving right now as I sit still feverishly typing this all out:)

And to relate it back to the top...different is good. I still love and appreciate the differences between Turkish life and my American life but this is one time I want Starbucks to come to me or what ever -I want the same- The familiar- -how I always imagined it-I want my birthing classes, my husband informed and with me at the birth. Empowerment. Deep breathes!


















We are getting her room ready!

Sweat, Tears and the Sea

I feel as if there is a giant blow dryer on high pointed at Turkey between the hours of 12 and 4 o'clock! Hot wind...I sweat as I sit trying not to move or even think somedays. Hot sun!

I look out my window...brown dry weeds except next to the houses which have gorgeous pops of pink puffy bougainvillea flowers and well tended greens. I wipe my brow.

Through my gauzy white curtains I see the piles of house rubble that blocks my view and wonder if the city will ever come take it? Didim has a big problem of illegal dumping especially from construction(another story though). Chug a glass of cold water...

I look at my dog. She is too hot to eat, too hot to bark, she just sleeps and pants heavily, noisily.

I look down at my belly. Wonder how my growing daughter inside is doing. If she will be like her mother(crazy in the heat) or her father(who much prefers hot over cold). I wipe the sweat. Taste the salt.

I look past the dry brown dirt, the dead weeds, the one abandoned house and then I see it...the beautiful blue Aegean sea. REFRESHES ME! We are so fortunate to be next to the sea.

As my belly grows my body feels so heavy. My fingers swell. I had to take my wedding ring off. My feet pound with presser.

I remember the blue beautiful water from my window and rush to get my suit on!

I slowly waddle down to the beach, my pregnant duck walk as my husband calls it. Throw my stuff down and run to the water!

Immediately the cold water calms me, relieves my heat induced surliness, my feet throb and cramp until they get used to the water. I dive in fully...

Ahhhh...cold. I feel light for now, I feel free, my movements open. My hips can bend. I can actually be on my back(which you can't do when u are pregnant only sleep on your sides).

I taste the salty sea, it cleanses me.

I float on my back, light and relaxed. I twirl my arms back stroking, loosening up my joints and muscles. I take deep breaths like what I have learned from practicing yoga. I think of my mom whenever I back stroke...she always loves this at the cabin, on the lake.

My mind opens as my body does. I am free, I am light, I am blessed. I think about our fathers, my husbands and mine, the cancer. The change. I hold my breath and plunge back down into the sea.

Grasp for air. Look up at the blue sky that reflects down on the clear water making it appear blue- MAVI in Turkish. Some days dark blue, others light, Turquoise, green or Grey...so beautiful. I know our baby loves the swimming.

I think about the Pacific Ocean off the California coast. How different that water is than this; colder, darker, more wild. How different my life was there.

As I float I am still, I close my eyes and listen, listen to my own breath under water, I wonder if this is what my breath sounds like to my baby. I wonder if that is why I get nostalgic from listening to my mother breath. I listen to the waves, the birds, the muffled sounds underwater. I think of whales and dolphins.

I float...I thinking of fun cabin times on old Tractor tires. Family

I open my eyes and see my hands wading, my belly, my feet and then the bottom of the sea. The water is so clear. I think of my father when we were little. When I would put my foot in his hands and he would throw me high in the sky and I would plunge back down into the lake water, loving every second!

The sun is starting to set. The air is cooling. My husband swims out to me.

I love the sea.

“The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea” -Isak Dinesen-

Hot! Hot! and did I mention...

...it is Hot and i am 7 months pregnant! I have been a bad little blogger with so much time between my last posts but I am ready to begin again. Back in Turkey after a wonderful trip to Minnesota, soaked up lots of family time and managed a quick trip to the old stomping ground, San Diego to see my Girls. Back in Turkey we moved into our new house! Yeah our own house, our own space, my own kitchen, our own closet to hang up my clothes and kissed my suitcases goodbye for a while. It's been a few years since I can honestly say "my house" or should I say "our house" with my hubby and our baby girl on the way! As my friend pointed out I am happily nesting.

We got our internet hooked up after weeks of "tomorrow" something like how it was always "ten days later" before our house was going to be ready but are now happily in it 2 months later. I think the equation is
A(amount of time said) x 6 + persistence + patience = you will receive your desired z

And of course "Burası Türkiye"

The internet was supposed to come "tomorrow" for about two weeks with my husband trying very hard, calling daily because he knew his very large, very pregnant and easily irritated hot wife(yes that's me) really wanted the internet connection to connect to her peeps across the ocean. Also for blogging and writing of course.

My third column, A Journey Within came out through Voices Newspaper. This one is about my attempts to make Turkey feel like "home."

One thing about living abroad, anywhere except the USA(and randomly Liberia and Burma) is that countries use the metric system of measurements and Celsius temperature measurement. It is almost easier that it doesn't immediately register for me that 37 degrees Celsius means 99 degrees Fahrenheit. It doesn't sting quite as hard or should I say sweat quite as much? But now I know...everyday for about 2 months it is almost 100 + degrees Fahrenheit. Great.

My husband and I have a debate...is it worse to be really hot? or really cold? Me coming from the really cold, Minnesota can get to below zero F Temperatures thinks it is worse to be really hot but imagine my Turk who has lived every summer in this constant heat and never experienced a Minnesota winter thinks it is worse to be really cold...Funny just what you are used to...

In Turkey also there is this fear of the cold as I have briefly written before. The all around mentality is the dreaded cold is what makes you sick. So you can only drink cold water and eat ice cream when the temperature have reached ridiculously hot. Where I am coming from a culture where there is ice in every drink year round. My husband got me a fan and installed A/C (Klima) in our room for me but he doesn't like it. So I sleep on the side of the bed with the fan blasting and no blanket and he sleeps on the fanless side with a blanket on. Also we had the A/C on last night and he would turn it off in the night then I would turn it back on. I know that A/C isn't the best for you all the time but sometimes is so necessary. Also my very dear mother-in-law is calling us telling us to not sleep with the fan on because we will get sick. I have slept with the fan on every summer of my whole life and not been sick from it.

I am a little worried when my baby comes in-laws are going to make me bundle her up to the point of me being hot just looking at her and sometimes I wonder how these little babushka babies can even breath they are under so many layers. On the Turkish airlines flight back from USA to Turkey the plane was soooo hot and my Turkish seat neighbor and I asked if we could turn down the heat but I was informed, NO because there were three babies in the front row. OMG! I can understand not going outside with a wet head and keeping babies warm of course but it is just a whole other level here. Also sweating is seen as bad because as you cool off you are wet and then get sick from the cold again. My nephew is not allowed to sweat...he is changed immediately! I think sweating is good. It cleans your body and means your heart rate went up. Keeps your insides heated up.

Anyone relate?

Anyways all this talk of hot and cold reminds me how blessed we are to be in walking distance to the Aegean Sea. It really is gorgeous. The deep varied hues of blue, so clear and refreshing. We usually don't go swimming until after 3 or later because the sun rays are so powerful. The beach is the busiest from this time until sunset.

Swimming has been so amazing on my pregnant body. My feet get swollen and pulse from the heat and my weight and then I go swimming for an hour and feel weightless. I can float on my back which is nice because I can't lay on my back anymore for pressure on the baby. I think I am going to go swimming now...

Baby dear...

Here is our most recent ultrasound. I know it is a little small and hard to make out but it is real!!! We are having a baby oh my goodness! I am now at 16 weeks and showing just barely. Our good doctor, who speaks English very well thank goodness, says everything looks normal and healthy, inşallah! In the ultrasound we can see the heart beating, hands, feet, spine etc...good luck making it out.

Thanks to my friend Ayberk for the technical help in posting this!