Gratitude

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.
It turns what we have into enough,and more.
It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.
It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. ~ Melody Beattie

morning yearning...

Waking up with the sun and my two favorite people...sassiness and silliness...



Listen to Ben Harper's Morning Yearning

p.s. seriously why is youtube still banned in this country?

The light, Our light...

I love how photography allows you to capture and play with light so beautifully!



Maybe it's clique but she has been our light, our families have been through alot alot alot this past year. Her little presence helps us all remember that life goes on, is beautiful and there is so much to be curious about...

My sister-in-law's sister is relaying racing for cancer if you have a few dollars to spare...

Baby girl dipped her toes in the sea for the first time on her 8 month birthday...

Hanies...

This post is for my mama, grandma, who has been morel mushroom hunting in the woods all week. Tracking her prey:)- morel mushrooms that grow in a big circle around dying trees. Feeding of the trees nutrients it releases back into the soil as it dies. Really cool stuff! I miss her terribly not being able to talk but will be able to today!

















Wow, baby girl will be eight months tomorrow! She is learning so quickly and so very curious! I think she is going to walk as soon as her fat little legs will let her! I love taking our walks together and am excited for when we can pick flowers and beach rocks together!

Such a special, beautiful little child! Maşallah!

There is just something about those hanies! right mom?

Learning from both sides of the family...

That little blur is baby girl rolling her wrist around pırasa, Turkish for leek. Babaanne(grandma on the father's side) gave it to her for cutting teeth and it really is perfect. It is soft, yet tough to not split open or break off. A natural solution instead of plastic. Also such a great size and shape for that cute little chubby hand to wrap around. Of course there is the slight smell but no one minds...she still gets plenty of kisses.

We made it back down to Didim. To be next to Babaanne(grandma on the father's side, Annaanne on mother's), Hala(Auntie -again a distinction between which side of the family, Teyze on mother's) and Abi for cousin(what all Turks call a man who is older then them unless way older then its Amca-uncle). Oh yeah and don't forget the Manyak Tequila...

So good to see them all. Be together. Think about Dede(grandpa) Have baby girls new little life make them all smile too.

Good to walk next to the beautiful blue water, Aegean Sea where baby girl takes her name from. Where she was born just 7 months ago. Whirlwind!

We went into town recently. Stopped by the butcher shop to get a bone for Tequila. I had baby girl in the sling, sitting kangaroo style so she could face out and observe the world. We were looking in the mirror together making faces while waiting for Babaanne(B) when suddenly the butcher starts frantically explaining something or other...?

My Turkish is getting ok but couldn't quite get it- kendine(self) -dikkat (be careful)-something? B just didn't her cute little smile, listened to his rant, asked him where he was from and thanked him for the bone and we were on our way again.

Once outside I asked what the heck was he saying? (We have our own way of talking- I can always understand her:) She explained that First he was from Erzurum-east Turkey(east and west Turkey are quite different). That his mother said to NEVER have a baby look in the mirror as the baby will become confused and not understand itself. I am sure he said more that was lost in translation but this concept we both found ridiculous...where do these ideas come from? Passed down to generations...that said...

She told me that I need to do what I think is right for our daughter. Don't listen to everyone else and that written...

I do try to do what is best for her but also a balance for the family as a whole to feel good too as Turks are a superstitious bunch...

Baby girl goes out of the house always with a Turkish eye, nazar boncuk pinned to her, we can't say she is beautiful only ugly because of a Nazar. She can't be caught in a cross breeze(only one window open in the house/car at a time). Can't be cold or sweat...

My point of the above story is there are some things that are found ridiculous from one culture(even city) but might be important for another. I do do what I feel is best for my baby girl but also what makes her other side of the family feel better too even if to me some of the things are as silly as not letting the baby look in the mirror...

I know it is all nurturing and out of love...and I have the "erzurum mirror" to bring up if I find anything really hard to handle:)

Currently I am just enjoying having some help with our little monkey. It has started to really get fun- her rolling and sitting and eating and talking!

I am looking forward to some possible alone time? Personal creative time...please:)

At the same time I write of some funny things from this side of our family I have learned some great things too!

Pırasa as a natural teether...

A great swing- sit down stick your legs out, put a pillow across your feet- place baby girl laid across your legs and start a rocking!














Also baby girl was a bit fussy so B quickly whipped out her hammock and rigged it all up for baby girl with a "grandma approved safety strap"(my pink scarf)

At the end here I will add a Maşallah, plaa, plaa, plaa(signifies a sort of spitting/blowing noise you make to get rid of those jealous eyes towards baby dear)- I do love some superstition:)

Have you learned anything great from your parents or in-laws? Anything you need to kindly say "we are not doing that, thank you?"

(uhhhggg...I have been working on this post for far too long. Still trying to find balance with a few minutes of free time even with the in-laws around baby girl still really likes her momma but she is relaxing...I am sure I will miss it one day)

P.S. So very dependent on my computer and it is soooo slow- frustrating!

Coin collections, tin cups, and hand written!

Previously I wrote of the beauty of technology; the webcam call, the email, the blog, the whole internet community(yet to twitter?)...it has been glorious to me...helping me connect with most important my family but also other expats, moms and people whose paths run parallel or intersect mine. Those who have overcome their culture shock and moved forward with what this foreign life has to offer...I appreciate this...all through my computer...this portal but...there is a real life out there...people to connect with. Things to touch and feel.

Baby girl woke up at about 6 AM uninterested in going back to bed. We woke up, johnny jump-uped(yeah new verb), and I mashed up some bananas and rice cereal for her while I made my yogurt and granola. It was cloudy outside, my throat hurt and she was fussy...so we went back to bed...for like three glorious hours cuddling with baba(daddy).

Re-awoke to rain turned hail. I loved it, it fit my mood, please continue all... day... long...

It didn't. The sun came out but baby girl was still antsy. Slipped on my sweet new rain boots plopped her in the sling and out the door we went.

We live 15 minute drive outside of the city of Eskişehir so we walked to "town" sort of, consisting of a market, a cheese shop and a yarn store. We chatted with the cheese man and he showed me the cheeses from the local villages and told me that fresh milk comes everyday at 9:30AM. Gave me his card and complimented me on knowing Turkish. It's funny here when you know some Turkish people are so impressed where as in the States people are generally annoyed and unforgiving if you don't know English.

I headed to the yarn store and saw they were selling Oya- Turkish Lace that I adore. Whoops forgot money but know now that it is close by! It has so much potential for uses other then just the trim on village women's headscarves. (Got my new sewing machine...so exciting!!! Now need fabric and time!-getting there...)

Rained on us a little, don't worry baby girl didn't melt but we rushed home. There was mail at the door! Opened it to find the perfect little 1/4 measuring cup above, hand written card(mom's nostalgic cursive and support from littlest sis) and an article about feeling beautiful as a mother. The perfect baby cup we always use at my mom's and my grandma always used for all her babies. It is perfect size and shape for a little mouth learning to drink. I love the weight and feel of it- not plastic-blah! A funny little family heirloom this tin cup (who needs silver and gold:)

Actually I watched, Throw momma from the Train last night, The movie with Danny Devito(Owen) and Billy Crystal(Larry)- funny movie but there is one part I really liked when Owen shows Larry his coin collection. Larry is of course expecting exotic, rare coins worth millions but Owen shows him 2 Quarters, 2 Nickels and a Pennie. The worth of them is tied to the memories of his father, they are all change he got during their outings together. I love it! You can watch it here...

I am a little like Owen. I am tied to things but not expensive stuff (partially because we never had it?) but mainly because of the memories. I cherish them!

Now I wear around my dad's old shirts(great for nursing) and give my daughter sips from an old tin cup! Cherish all the card's my mom has sent me over the years to put a smile on my face written in her hand, her cursive.

So as fabulous as the computer is sometimes i just want to touch things, feel things, make things with my own two hands.

Balance...patience...building blocks...

I am floundering to find balance these days...

Balance with time.

Balance between being a good mom and having a second(ok I need a few hours even just once a week) to blog, to breathe, to think, to create, to be by myself all the while trying to nurture my marriage. ("but it's you turn to take her...")

Balance with looking towards the future and at the same time remember to live in the NOW! Our always tentative "plan" of living in Turkey these next 2-3 years then moving to Minnesota vs. living in the present enjoying my daughter growing, enjoying being a stay-at-home mom, enjoying my husband. Will I be so happy once we go back to MN for me? Will I have to work so much there that I will miss being a stay-at-home mom? It is actually a privilege that many don't have and yet I would like more?

Finding and exploring the benefits to this foreign life and to not stunting my growth by concentrating on moving back "home".

Balance with the idea of home. What makes a place home? a person home? What do I want in a home? Our new "home" is in Eskişehir even though neither of us want to stay here. This struggle between furnishing a big house and making it feel like home but not wanting to spend money. Just wanting to save since this is temporary? But I am so sick of constantly moving around and going back and forth between California and Turkey, then Minnesota and Turkey between cities within Turkey and back to USA.

I feel in a strange suspended state and yet it has been the craziest years of my life? Strange?

Balance between new roles and old independence. Balance with the freedom I should have(my husband thinks I have) since I don't "work" but balancing a job that is constant 24/7-motherhood.

When I think of myself as a traveler coming into Turkey I was fearless. Go anywhere ask anyone anything some how but now I have become so dependent on my husband to help me do things; a simple as call the water man to get water and to come with me to buy the new sewing machine I desperately want. What changed or did it change? Is this just real life living now not just vagabonding student? Or does he spoil me so because he just wants me to be happy and I let him and I have inhibited my independence somehow? Language is really what has hindered me. I am learning of course but still not there yet...

He isn't there yet either with his English sometimes I want to scream when I can't just speak without dulling down the vocabulary and yet I know that language learning is difficult -you really need to work at it- writing, studying!

I feel like I have been musing these same things this for the past year...uggg...


















I feel like something is brewing inside of me though...I need to make some things! I have many yummy ideas now mavisu and I need to go walk around the city and find a few supplies!

I feel like there are alot of awesome women(many expat and many mommas) doing some great things; art, connecting, helping, nuturing, talking, building relationships, building blocks!

A few great sites...expat+HAREM many great links to interesting women who share their stories and ideas!

expatwomen the home sick mother reminders resonate recently!:)

Also those great crafty sanity podcast I am eating up!

There is such power in hearing peoples stories and it is exciting times with etsy and social networking-some tips on using it prfessionally from Intarsia concept


Turkish houses/apartments are always made from these hollow bricks rebar and lots of cement. I am always facinated to watch them use random peices of wood to build molds for the cement.

Now home is where ever my husband and daughter are...

Again...sleep...

Need some rebar and cement...

Oh yes and baby girl is flipping from back to front now! So exciting!

It takes a village to raise a child...

OK...I get it now...

It takes a village to raise a child...
-African proverb

I miss our villages, we are lucky enough to have two, Wayzata and Didim.

But we are doing it just us...we are strong...just tired...and the house is messy...a trail of stuff...

Yesterday was Valentine's Day and I didn't even remember until 5 o'clock p.m...

Baby girl woke up at 4:30 A.M. that day and hubby and I went back in forth fighting about who gets less sleep then the other...I cried...I do not do well with out sleep or food..

fortunately then we laughed...

Today is our three year anniversary of the first day we met. I will always remember him looking stunning in his Kermit the frog green hooded sweatshirt, black hair and dark eyes...always looking...magnetic...his sexy confidence about him...my frog prince charming...

Made something yummy tonight for dinner from my HUGE "How to cook everything" cookbook by Mark Bitman:

Wheat berries cooked in separate pot
saute an onion in olive oil
add thyme and chopped walnuts
add wheat berries when cooked through
heat together and yummy!
Good combo

We ate it fast and cold such is our new life but together and still was good...

Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.
-Elizabeth Stone

Elimination communication; ie: baby potty training!

Ok so I heard about this from my sister...she had been in Costa Rica for the summer working at this enviromental learning center, Rancho Mastatal in the jungle... pretty sweet but that is a different story.

She told me how the little girl who was only one year old would use a hand signal when she needed to use the potty. She can't talk yet but is signally for the potty! My sister suggested I teach Mavisu to do the same.

At first I thought it seemed a bit crazy, let's be honest but was willing to at least read the book and give it a try.

I got the book from the library and it took me forever to read as I have a newborn and life is on baby time...how does the time fly by? (oh but I love her so much!)Tip to new moms...have it close to you for everytime you breast feed you can read.

So I read Ingrid Bauer's book, Diaper free! The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygeine. and it made a lot of sense. That this early potty training only actually sounds crazy to the western world. That you tune into your child and watch facial expressions and noises to know when they need to relieve themselves.

So I started with Mavisu yesterday...and havn't had time to write about it...

life is different these days...been trying to finish this blog entry for days!!! but i am a new momma who can't seem to find the time and must learn to do all things one handed!!! love it but is a whole new world!!!!!!

i'm tired...will go into detail later about how it is going...my baby using the potty...

note: her leg warmers for easy diaper on and off...ohhh she is cute!