sharp, surprising stab in the back...

First off thinking and praying for my dearest auntie godmother who had a double mastectomy yesterday...Dearest Auntie I love you more than words! You are so special, kind, giving, thoughtful, selfless and wonderful! A true inspiration...you don't need boobs to be any of those things:) I promise to have a petite syrah and lentil soup ready to aid in a speedy recovery.

FUCK CANCER (sorry but swearing is necessary sometimes!)

As far as thoughts of my father we still are going through the motions, living life and able to laugh and talk about dad but then it(the reality of his absence) sneaks up behind you and stabs you in the back...but as my mom said that is good. We need to feel it.

The most recent tear-jerker was this morning, a card from my great-aunt Audrey who lives in Arizona:

My most outstanding memory of Kim is when he met me at the airport after Dayton died(my father's father). He greeted me with a big hug and his famous smile, and I thought:"I bet he learned to show warmth that way from Theresa(mom)." Us Johnsons, my generation and previous ones for sure, were pretty much taught not be very demonstrative. So I thank you for your love for him and for helping him and will always remember him that way. He really made me feel like family.

So thank you Aunt Audrey for the note and for keeping in touch! Very special!


The above photo is from when my mom and dad came to Turkey to check out this other life. It makes my heart so happy that my dad got to meet the future in-laws and see just what I have been living. It one thing to hear about places but a whole other to experience them.

My dad's neck had gotten really cramped from his first really long plane trip. Well at the time we blamed the trip but in hindsight we wonder if it had to do with the cancer? I was helping support his neck so he could see the beautiful domed ceilings at the Hagia Sophia mosque/church(a must when you all come visit us in Istanbul:).We were laughing away of course.

The one time I could support my dad. He loved and supported us countless unasked times. I realize now something I sort of took for granted, the solid rock, supportive roots that was my father. But now I ask myself "WWKD" -What Would KAJMAN Do? How would my father do it? It helps.

I was inspired to post this pic since my dear seester has a photo of her and dad on facebook. It is good to be reminded even though it hurts.

Thanks to all for sharing stories they mean a lot to us. Never forget.

Handmade...

Yes, I have been writing. That is something creative at least...yes, I have the excuse of very hot and very pregnant but it has been over a year since I made something I really loved...completed something. Time to get in gear! Stop the excuses!

I decided I would post some old work to get the juices flowing until I create something new. I need to touch, to feel, to think, to create again! I graduated with an art degree for goodness sake!

The above is a tapestry I made while attending Mimar Sinan Universitesi in Istanbul. It from a photograph of my husband's and my feet on a ferry trip coming back from the Princess Islands in Istanbul. Great day; love, bicycles, ferries...

I have been quite inspired by two creative blogging sisters, one at The light garden and the other at eighty days design who both sell their work along with tons of other talented artists creating beautiful handmade items at Etsy:Your place to buy and sell all things handmade!

I do miss all my materials back in MN! My good godmother is storing them in her basement awaiting our return; my sewing machine, big tackle box of beads, book making materials, nice paper, pencils, pastels, a whole college career's work etc. etc.

As Verity at thelightgarden was musing it far more difficult to find materials in Turkey but especially in Didim! But people make things with all sorts of materials though so another part of the creative process! Recently I've been reading about several women in many countries, Turkey included creating and selling hand bags out of plastic garbage.

My sweet husband did find me an easel, few canvases and acrylics. He brought it home stuffed in the little Volkswagen to surprise me, wooden legs sticking out the windows! He is very supportive. He calls me, "my Art" and I just don't ever want to correct him to- my artist:)


















Here is my new favorite piece of handmade! Our quilted elephant bedspread that I found at the pazaar! The pazaar is packed with amazing fruits and vegetables but unfortunately the rest is mainly cheap plastic crap and fake "Prada" and "Adidas"...But I spyed this beauty and look forward to adding more to our room along the theme! Turkey has a rich history of handmade.

A painter is coming on Monday to repaint the ceilings; the cement houses hold moisture and has caused the paint to flake all over the floor daily, although we painted a few months ago???? Not good for our beautiful (almost here) baby or us but after that I can finally officially set up my tiny studio!!!!!!

Write about creative...be creative!

Final critique...

I just had my last official painting critique. It is a strange feeling on many levels. Ideal art critiques usually go as such, you line the room with yours and your peers finished work. The class and teacher(if you are lucky other teachers/grad. students join) and everyone walks around the room and takes in each other's work.

After some processing and side talking the class reconvenes. Maybe the students even wrote notes or followed a thought provoking question/answer handout. The teacher leads the critic and then you and your peers have a chance to voice your opinions/comments also.

In an ideal critiquing world the classes would be somewhat small so it doesn't go a ridiculous amount of time and the class does not get burned out.

In an ideal critic world teachers and students feed off each other and are into it! They want to talk to each other about art, about concepts, about what is driving them to create. People voice strengths and weaknesses and grow stronger, artistically and conceptually.

This is ideal and it wasn't until I didn't have that this last semester that I realize I miss it. It was partially my doing(I think?) since I was in and out of the studio so much going on and the language barrier was definitely there.

The studio here in Turkey was set up so that every student worked in their found personal section of the room. The teachers weren't really involved in the work and didn't seem to give feedback until once at midterm then again at the final critique(again maybe it is diff. for some Turkish students but????).

I am realizing I like more feedback through out but I am also realizing that I am graduating and won't get it unless I go to grad. school or meet lots of willing art friends to make our own group.

Also the critique today was not a class crit. It was each individual student goes in the room with his/her work, closes the door and a group of three to four teachers tells you what they think. No class discussion and no growing from hearing comments from/about other students.

I will never hold this kind of critique in the future if I teach.

There is it's own art to critiquing also. Seeing the work and articulating your words. Also at first it is really intimidating when you are on display. Making work is so personal and an attack on your work may seem like an attack to you personally.

In the beginning years too I didn't know what to say at them and didn't appreciate their importance. I was intimidated to speak and didn't think I had the right words but now let's talk.

It is a powerful thing if you can get people together to talk and they are open to positive and negative reflections and contemplations. We need this more in other places in life, politics, work place, relationships etc.

About the above painting.

On the previous post I wrote that I was excited to be finished doing projects I don't want to do. I take that back and will need to set deadlines for myself and have separate studio space(not my living room to have to set up then clean up each day). In the future I want my own messy art space.

Anyways the above painting had the concept of model and me and I didn't want to do it. I started drawing myself outside in the garden at my Istanbul house. I live with an adorable 5 yr.old and she wanted to check it out. She brought out her paints and stuck here little chair and table right next to me. She is 5 so of course she was running around up to her mom, back to me, little painting, little climbing all the while sporting a pair of purple and white bunny ears. Hard to draw a moving model. So while I was getting bored and thinking that I don't care for self portraits I gave her a brush and she started to draw on my canvas with me. She hates ants and there are tons of them so I painted a few of those into it as well.

So the above is our collaborative work. I like the process of making work far more than the finished piece but want to be proud of the finished work. I find I struggle between the free and controlled mark making.

seviyorum ve nefret ediyorum...

So I started taking Turkish language classes. Turkish and English sentence structure basically flips, the -um translates to 'I' etc. The above translates into I love and I hate. I love that I am learning Turkish so I can better communicate in and understand the culture which I am living in but it is tough. I love that I when I walk up the gigantic hill from the Marmara sea to my house I see at least ten fig trees getting ready to burst with plump delicious figs. I have visions of harvesting around my Istanbul neighborhood like I used to harvest lilacs and violets in Minnesota. I had the whole neighborhood scoped out different varieties and colors plotted in my head. The figs are coming...
















I love this stained glass work from the train station, Haydarpaşa, on the Asia side of Istanbul.
















I love that riding the ferry across the sea is a form of public transportation in this city and that there are seats outside.




















I hate that I have had so many electrical problems here, my new computer got zapped. Does anyone know a cheap way to ship to the U.S. and why shipping a broken computer might be a problem through customs?

Also I hate trash. The trash build up in Naples is amazing. What if everywhere the garbage men went on strike and we were unable to get rid of the trash, out of site out of mind? It just kept piling up and piling up. Would we change our consumption habits? Would we reuse more? Here in Turkey it seems to be culturally acceptable to litter. All the time throwing things out the windows and off the ferry into the sea. They reuse a good amount but their consumption levels are rising and there aren't recycling systems. The plastic water bottles around the world what do we do? So much water everywhere but none to drink. Also plastic bags, I try to say 'pakette yok'-no bag- because every little item is automatically put into a plastic bag. When I was young my reoccurring nightmare was that tons and tons of stuff was falling on me, suffocating me with stuff and I would wake up crying.(sounds funny but I am serious)

random rant for the day...
What do you love/hate?

kindness of strangers...

Today started out as a typical day in the life of Istanbul Emily. Woke up , made some filtered yummy coffee from America, rode the bus to Mimar Sinan University, did some silk screening, rode the Tram way Funiknler to Taxsim for my language school and tried to absorb as much Turce dil as possible. After class I was quite hungry. There are tons of tiny fruit and veggie stands around Turkey. I wanted some bananas before I went to yoga. I grab three bananas from one of these little fruit stands and then realize that I am out of cash. I only need 2 YTL (Yeni Turkish lira) but yok/ none. I say pardon...para yok (my broken way of saying never mind). Basically I start to go and he basically in Turkish tells me no problem...sonra sonra/ later later. So basically this man tells me I can pay him later, smiles and goes back to reading his newspaper. I was so shocked and touched by his willingness to trust that I will come back and pay him later. Especially in the big city of Istanbul. It made me smile today.

Living here I take the bus, tram, ferry etc. etc. public transportation. Some days it sucks, I'll be honest. Crowded, so much traffic and you never really know how long it will take 15 minutes or one hour? blah. But It does force you to interact with other human beings. One other kindness of strangers situation I love watching(or being part of) is giving the seats to old people or others that need it more.

Simply, I just feel good about the world when I see honor and trust in or for others.

Spring time!

I don't know the name of this flower but it looks like a creeping sweet pea vine. It is a lovely spray of lavender color around Istanbul.


















Yildiz park is across the street from my house in ortakoy. Tulips are blooming left and right. It is a wonderful natural area in the heart of the choas that is Istanbul. Huge beds of multi colored tulips have popped up and every time I turn my head I think that color must be my favorite...


















or is it this one?

Happy four twenty friends.

HONK-HONK.....hoooooooonnnnnkkkkk!

HONK-HONK-"hey look at me while you are peacefully walking down the street(side note actually you really need to fully stay awake and be aware of your surrounding when walking in Istanbul. I don't always feel secure even on the sidewalk.) HONK-HONK-I'm a taxi driver in Istanbul."

HONK-HONK-"hey look at me, I think that if I sneak up behind you and honk at you that you will want to magically jump in my taxi so I can try to ripe you off even though you had no intention of taking a taxi."

HONK-HONK-"hey look at me, Jump in my taxi, forget that I just scared you and made you jump 5 ft.(meters in this case) in the air and had no intention of taking a taxi or else you would be actively pursuing me."

HONK-HONK-"Hey look at me, You should jump in my taxi, just wanted you to know that I am here so you can get in but if not get the f-out of my way because I am not slowing down-actually I am going to speed up because there is no such thing as pedestrian right of way in turkey."

HONK-HONK-"move it or loose it sister(abla in Turkish) or get in so I can see that you are a yobanci(foreigner) and try to rip you off by not starting my meter or by charging you night rates during daytime hours or keep the meter going since before my last victim got out."

HONK-HONK-Hooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkk! just a quick HONK-HONK- "just to make sure you saw me and hey, do you want a ride?"

This is one of the pages from my Turkey Book. Last year I made a accordion style collage book about things I experienced and cultural differences in this then foreign to me land. The Turks are normally kind, considerate and extremely hospitable people...then they get into their cars. Madness!

My Cali friend and I used to always hold hands and mentally prepare ourselves for the crossing of the street and that was even in our little Eskisehir city. Also the truck hauling is hilarious(see my picture)! They are so overly stuffed full of whatever and sway slightly as they putt down the road.

Also the cars make up lanes. "Oh look there is a tiny little spot that I can squeeze through so I can make a third lane and get up front-great!" Pedestrian right of way seems to be unheard of. Seat belts are barely worn.

On a less comic note, sadly, there have been many deaths from this culturally accepted do or die way of driving.

My boyfriend came to the States, "wow. It's so calm to drive here." He is a good driver though.

Ok off to school and no I will not be taking a taxi.

Field trip...part two...

After our cable factory adventure we had few hours to kill before heading back across the Marmara sea via ferry boat(really nice big boat fyi). The company bussed us to a near by village of Zeytinbogi(a line over the g and no dot on the i). The old name is Tirili. I wonder why the changed the name? Zeytin means olive and there were olives for sale all over the city. Is it for this olive industry? I know turkey is trying the promote this trade.


















It is a great village with winding streets. It is right on the sea. Here is an example of the beautiful olives and oils they had. These travels back in time are some of my favorite times in Turkey.


















I hope these little villages can hold on.


















We met this man when as we wandered the streets. We were admiring his camii(mosques) as he came walking out with his cane. His face screams kindness. Living in a language and culture different than my own I really like this heightened sense for body language, reading eyes. I also have met some nice Turkish friends who help translate. I have started to write down Turkish and this is helping me learn. He loved us visiting with him and we with him...makes me miss my grandpa. He explained to us he has lived in this village his whole life. A Turkish word for friendly is sicakkani I like this sicak means hot. Warm and friendly...


















This is his school he went to. A grand old building that is in the process of restoration. He said they ran out of money though so the project is on hold. Any donations? he-he.














This is another character I snapped a photo of. He wasn't as friendly as our other friend or actually at all. He never cracked a smile but really classic character standing outside his store house watching the students mob through town. I need to paint some of these images!

Istanbul living...

There are a surprising number of abandoned buildings in Istanbul. This is a city that is so crowded and it seems that so many people need houses, especially on this European side. Many work on the Europe side and commute home to Asia side which makes for a ridiculous amount of traffic. I am surprised some investors haven't snatched these up?

Field trip...

An International cable manufacturer in here in Turkey is partnering with my host university. The company sponsored us students to ferry boat across the sea and tour their company.














We got to tour the factory and see how they make all the different types of cables from different sizes of copper wires to fire resistant new technologies. I love learning about these industrial places. The large scale, the metal, the smells but I wouldn't want to work there. Nice place to visit...


















After our educational tour of big business we art students were able to dig through the companies waste area digging out crazy materials, melted plastic forms, copper bands, colored wires etc. We were like kids in a candy store. It is funny when poor art students get things for free.


















The point of this field trip is that the company will sponsor an art exhibition. We get free materials and they get publicity and a new use for their products. The art students will make sketches and small mock ups of future works. After a jury will decide whose pieces to sponsor and create full scale with any cable materials they like. It makes for a harmonious relationship.

First day????

This is the backyard of my host university. Deniz cok guzel! The cement retaining wall that runs parallel to the sea. The sun is shining melting the snow storm away! I can go out to the boardwalk on my breaks, drink tea and watch the boats pass. I love the view of old and new, 2,000 yr. old minarets surrounded by brightly colored apartment buldings. This city is packed! Today is my first day out and around by myself with out my helpful knight in shining armor. So much easier the second time around.















An interesting thing about Turkish schools from grade school up until university is this cafeteria lunch served on the metal trays. For some reason I really like the metal trays, the sound, the cold and reusable? The meal is between 1 and 1.50 liras per day. Yes it's not gourmet but when you are a broke student it is hot and quite balanced. It usually consists of some starch, (rice or noodles), some sort of stew with a flavoring of meat, maybe a soup, and a dessert item(fruit or Turkish honey soaked sweets), a water and of course bread! The accompanied silverware is a fork and a big spoon. I also like the big spoon...no knife normally.














This is one of the many friends that visit our campus. They come and go from the canteen, as you can imagine more visit during lunch hour. There are tons of stray cats and dogs in Turkey. Bob Barker needs to visit and promote, "don't forget to spay and neuter your cats and dogs." No really i need to research this more...