...because one loves what one knows...

This is my first wild flower bouquet of the season. I am happy to see I picked it on Earth day, April 22nd but didn't realize it as it is not celebrated here but I plan to spread the love next year!

I particularly love the sort of hops looking grass that looks too heavy for it's thin stem as dangles wildly in the wind...

I have recently stumbled across a blog, Resurrection Fern. She posts photos of her wonderful crocheted stones and the beauty that surrounds her. She recently posted about getting to know your local patch of earth.

"What can turn us from this deserted future, back into the sphere of our being, the great dance that joins us to our home, to each other and to other creatures, to the dead and unborn? I think it is love. I am perforce aware how baldly and embarrassingly that word now lies on the page—for we have learned at once to overuse it, abuse it, and hold it in suspicion. But I do not mean any kind of abstract love (adolescent, romantic, or "religious"), which is probably a contradiction in terms, but particular love for particular things, places, creatures, and people, requiring stands, acts, showing its successes and failures in practical or tangible effects. And it implies a responsibility just as particular, not grim or merely dutiful, but rising out of generosity. I think that this sort of love defines the effective range of human intelligence, the range within its works can be dependably beneficent. Only the action that is moved by love for the good at hand has the hope of being responsible and generous. Desire for the future produces words that cannot be stood by. But love makes language exact, because one loves only what one knows."
— Wendell Berry

...BECAUSE ONE LOVES ONLY WHAT ONE KNOWS...

must read more of that man?

tired...enough...many more thoughts but enough for today...

good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite:)

Kapı kırı köyü and Lake Bafa

We; baby girl, the cute in-laws and I went on an adventure to the village of Kapı kırı. Herakleia is it's name from Greek mythological times with ruins to prove it. It's a beautiful drive through olives groves to the base of the Beşparmak(five finger mountains)or Latmos Mountains.


































Located on Lake Bafa about 45 minutes from Didim. It is a quaint little village built on top and amidst the ruins. An ancient piece of marble just chilling in the parking lot:)


































We had such a wonderful breakfast, Turkish style at the Pelikan Pensiyon. We admired the lake view with crumbling castles mixed with milking cows as we mmmmed and ahhhed over our fresh eggs, homemade jams of fig and mulberry, tomatoes, cucumbers, locally made olives in olive oil. We smeared butter and honey on fresh bread as we peered down the ravine and spotted the boxes of bees making their honey from the wild flowers popping up around the hillsides. There was a delicious salad medley of parsley, scallion greens, tomatoes and a crumbly white cheese.

Warm tea in a cool rain. After eating lots a rain storm came through just long enough so we could enjoy one last tea...

We meandered our way up the path to one of the many crumbling but beautiful and revealing proofs of a previous time, a different way of life.





































How was it made?



















































































Good day, felt like a traveler again...how I got myself to this land in the first place...

Squash or pumpkin?

This yummmmmy salad I made is a hybrid between the Farro and Butternut squash recipe from 101 cookbooks and the Warm butternut Squash and Chickpea Salad from Smitten Kitchen.
Both are awesome foodie/recipe blogs!

My hybrid consisted of roasting together:

- 2 kilo piece of squash or pumpkin cubed that I had bought at the pazaar(roast until kind of caramelized on browned on sides)
- Two white onions(didn't have red) cubed
- 3 tablespoons olive oil from Mehmet Amca's trees
- Sprinkling of thyme we gather from low lying bushes next to the sea (reminder to go get more to share!
- sea salt of course
Roast all together then when done add-

- Garbanzo beans(otherwise known as chick peas)
Didn't have any Farro (not sure what it is actually) or I was thinking wheat berries but then I found the smitten kitchen recipe so I used garbanzo beans(Also wonderfully nutty). Here in Turkey canned bean are kind of expensive. Fresh are better anyways but they take a long time to cook, especially chick peas. My mother-in-law will just make a big batch and freeze them. So I just pulled some out of the freezer.

Modified the dressing(had hoped for the tahini but we were out); pressed some fresh garlic,
2 lemons, more olive oil and of course salt on everything!

Serve a little warm but I bet it is great cold too! Yummy I really could eat the whole pan!

I must admit I think it becomes all the more delicious when I know that the lemons come from the tree out back, the olive oil is from the old man on the corner's trees and the thyme grows wild next to the sea!



































Good news that hubby is coming down from Eskisehir tonight! I am going to quick try to get some chocolate cookies made before baby girl wakes up from her nap!

Also thanks to Keryn for explaining how to get my pictures larger!

Learning from both sides of the family...

That little blur is baby girl rolling her wrist around pırasa, Turkish for leek. Babaanne(grandma on the father's side) gave it to her for cutting teeth and it really is perfect. It is soft, yet tough to not split open or break off. A natural solution instead of plastic. Also such a great size and shape for that cute little chubby hand to wrap around. Of course there is the slight smell but no one minds...she still gets plenty of kisses.

We made it back down to Didim. To be next to Babaanne(grandma on the father's side, Annaanne on mother's), Hala(Auntie -again a distinction between which side of the family, Teyze on mother's) and Abi for cousin(what all Turks call a man who is older then them unless way older then its Amca-uncle). Oh yeah and don't forget the Manyak Tequila...

So good to see them all. Be together. Think about Dede(grandpa) Have baby girls new little life make them all smile too.

Good to walk next to the beautiful blue water, Aegean Sea where baby girl takes her name from. Where she was born just 7 months ago. Whirlwind!

We went into town recently. Stopped by the butcher shop to get a bone for Tequila. I had baby girl in the sling, sitting kangaroo style so she could face out and observe the world. We were looking in the mirror together making faces while waiting for Babaanne(B) when suddenly the butcher starts frantically explaining something or other...?

My Turkish is getting ok but couldn't quite get it- kendine(self) -dikkat (be careful)-something? B just didn't her cute little smile, listened to his rant, asked him where he was from and thanked him for the bone and we were on our way again.

Once outside I asked what the heck was he saying? (We have our own way of talking- I can always understand her:) She explained that First he was from Erzurum-east Turkey(east and west Turkey are quite different). That his mother said to NEVER have a baby look in the mirror as the baby will become confused and not understand itself. I am sure he said more that was lost in translation but this concept we both found ridiculous...where do these ideas come from? Passed down to generations...that said...

She told me that I need to do what I think is right for our daughter. Don't listen to everyone else and that written...

I do try to do what is best for her but also a balance for the family as a whole to feel good too as Turks are a superstitious bunch...

Baby girl goes out of the house always with a Turkish eye, nazar boncuk pinned to her, we can't say she is beautiful only ugly because of a Nazar. She can't be caught in a cross breeze(only one window open in the house/car at a time). Can't be cold or sweat...

My point of the above story is there are some things that are found ridiculous from one culture(even city) but might be important for another. I do do what I feel is best for my baby girl but also what makes her other side of the family feel better too even if to me some of the things are as silly as not letting the baby look in the mirror...

I know it is all nurturing and out of love...and I have the "erzurum mirror" to bring up if I find anything really hard to handle:)

Currently I am just enjoying having some help with our little monkey. It has started to really get fun- her rolling and sitting and eating and talking!

I am looking forward to some possible alone time? Personal creative time...please:)

At the same time I write of some funny things from this side of our family I have learned some great things too!

Pırasa as a natural teether...

A great swing- sit down stick your legs out, put a pillow across your feet- place baby girl laid across your legs and start a rocking!














Also baby girl was a bit fussy so B quickly whipped out her hammock and rigged it all up for baby girl with a "grandma approved safety strap"(my pink scarf)

At the end here I will add a Maşallah, plaa, plaa, plaa(signifies a sort of spitting/blowing noise you make to get rid of those jealous eyes towards baby dear)- I do love some superstition:)

Have you learned anything great from your parents or in-laws? Anything you need to kindly say "we are not doing that, thank you?"

(uhhhggg...I have been working on this post for far too long. Still trying to find balance with a few minutes of free time even with the in-laws around baby girl still really likes her momma but she is relaxing...I am sure I will miss it one day)

P.S. So very dependent on my computer and it is soooo slow- frustrating!

Happy birthday Dad...

It was yesterday...

I wish it went like this...

Me calling my dad on skype. I can hear it play in my head, his voice, how his glasses would be all funny on his face around his neck with that silly string. He would probably be looking at some stats or news at the same time talking to us.

He would answer and say, "hi doll(maybe dolls plural now, what would he call our baby girl?)"

me:"Hi dad, Happy birthday!"

dad: "oh thanks sweetie."

me: "what are you guys going to do today?"

Then he would stop "computing", take off his glasses, lean back in the chair, stretch, then cross his arms turning his attention to us...

dad: " oh probably just go down to the Muni for a burger with everybody. Mom made me a chocolate cake. Kids are coming over later. Nothing too special. How are you guys? How is Mavisu?"

me: "We are good. Mavisu is growing so big and beautiful...here look..."
dad: "(here is new territory? I am not sure what exactly he would say because we never got to talk about his grandbaby, the cancer had already made him so weak when we came home from the hospital with her. I know though that he would love her. He loved her. It would make him smile a BIG smile. He would love her!")

We would go on to talk about projects each other are doing. I would get the down low on each sibling and mom as she would be working on a Wednesday. I would ask his opinion about something or other. He would have an opinion. He always did:)

The conversation would take a lull or two and we knew we were done for that session.

I would wish him Happy birthday again and tell him I love him. He would say thanks and say he loves us too.

I would email him a card with a picture of baby girl or have sent something he would get late...of course:)

This is what I wish happened yesterday...

But instead the sharp knife of reality sliced deep. He is gone never too return. It fucking sucks.

Now he lives on in beautiful memories. I hope I can always remember his funny mannerisms and know what he would do in certain situations.

Love you forever father dear...

The above photo is of a gorgeous oil painting of my father's portrait given as a huge, beautiful surprise to my mother. Truly it has a life of it's own and is the second thing to have my father reborn. It is there with my mother and it makes her smile which is the most important! The painting was done by the very kind and ridiculously talented painter, Jeffrey T. Larson.

Coin collections, tin cups, and hand written!

Previously I wrote of the beauty of technology; the webcam call, the email, the blog, the whole internet community(yet to twitter?)...it has been glorious to me...helping me connect with most important my family but also other expats, moms and people whose paths run parallel or intersect mine. Those who have overcome their culture shock and moved forward with what this foreign life has to offer...I appreciate this...all through my computer...this portal but...there is a real life out there...people to connect with. Things to touch and feel.

Baby girl woke up at about 6 AM uninterested in going back to bed. We woke up, johnny jump-uped(yeah new verb), and I mashed up some bananas and rice cereal for her while I made my yogurt and granola. It was cloudy outside, my throat hurt and she was fussy...so we went back to bed...for like three glorious hours cuddling with baba(daddy).

Re-awoke to rain turned hail. I loved it, it fit my mood, please continue all... day... long...

It didn't. The sun came out but baby girl was still antsy. Slipped on my sweet new rain boots plopped her in the sling and out the door we went.

We live 15 minute drive outside of the city of Eskişehir so we walked to "town" sort of, consisting of a market, a cheese shop and a yarn store. We chatted with the cheese man and he showed me the cheeses from the local villages and told me that fresh milk comes everyday at 9:30AM. Gave me his card and complimented me on knowing Turkish. It's funny here when you know some Turkish people are so impressed where as in the States people are generally annoyed and unforgiving if you don't know English.

I headed to the yarn store and saw they were selling Oya- Turkish Lace that I adore. Whoops forgot money but know now that it is close by! It has so much potential for uses other then just the trim on village women's headscarves. (Got my new sewing machine...so exciting!!! Now need fabric and time!-getting there...)

Rained on us a little, don't worry baby girl didn't melt but we rushed home. There was mail at the door! Opened it to find the perfect little 1/4 measuring cup above, hand written card(mom's nostalgic cursive and support from littlest sis) and an article about feeling beautiful as a mother. The perfect baby cup we always use at my mom's and my grandma always used for all her babies. It is perfect size and shape for a little mouth learning to drink. I love the weight and feel of it- not plastic-blah! A funny little family heirloom this tin cup (who needs silver and gold:)

Actually I watched, Throw momma from the Train last night, The movie with Danny Devito(Owen) and Billy Crystal(Larry)- funny movie but there is one part I really liked when Owen shows Larry his coin collection. Larry is of course expecting exotic, rare coins worth millions but Owen shows him 2 Quarters, 2 Nickels and a Pennie. The worth of them is tied to the memories of his father, they are all change he got during their outings together. I love it! You can watch it here...

I am a little like Owen. I am tied to things but not expensive stuff (partially because we never had it?) but mainly because of the memories. I cherish them!

Now I wear around my dad's old shirts(great for nursing) and give my daughter sips from an old tin cup! Cherish all the card's my mom has sent me over the years to put a smile on my face written in her hand, her cursive.

So as fabulous as the computer is sometimes i just want to touch things, feel things, make things with my own two hands.

Thank goodness for skype...

Ok, this is obvious that technology is amazing these days but it needs to be acknowledged.
I don't know if I could be living abroad with out it?

Just like these old phone booths actually...

I think of my grandma and when my grandpa went to World War Two for four years. Letters were it...

Now my daughter is growing up with skype and it is ever evolving...
Still waiting for the "beam me up scottie" though.